Effort may change the behavior but it does not change the person. Just think what kind of a mentality it betrays when you ask, 'What must I do to get holiness?' Isn't it like asking, How much money must I spend to buy something? What sacrifice must I make? What discipline must I undertake? What meditation must I practice in order to get it? Think of a man who wants to win the love of a woman and attempts to improve his appearance or build his body or change his behavior and practice techniques to charm her.
You truly win the love of others not by the practice of techniques but by being a certain kind of person. And that is never achieved through effort and techniques. And so it is with spirituality and holiness. Not what you do is what brings it to you. This is not a commodity that one can buy or a prize that one can win. What matters is what you are, what you become.
Holiness is not an achievement; it is a grace. A grace called awareness, a grace called looking, observing, understanding. If you would only switch on the light of awareness and observe yourself and everything around you throughout the day, if you would see yourself reflected in the mirror of awareness the way you see your face reflected in a looking glass, that is, accurately, clearly, exactly as it is without the slightest distortion or addition, and if you observed this reflection without any judgment or condemnation, you would experience all sorts of marvelous changes coming about in you. Only you will not be in control of those changes, or be able to plan them in advance, or decide how and when they are to take place. It is this nonjudgmental awareness alone that heals and changes and makes one grow. But in its own way and at its own time.
What specifically are you to be aware of? Your reactions and your relationships. Each time you are in the presence of a person, any person, or with Nature or with any particular situation, you have all sorts of reactions, positive and negative. Study those reactions, observe what exactly they are and where they come from, without any sermonizing or guilt or even any desire, much less effort to change them. That is all that one needs for holiness to arise.
Will awareness bring you the holiness you so desire? Yes and no. The fact is you will never know. For true holiness, the type that is not achieved through techniques and efforts and repression, true holiness is completely unselfconscious. You wouldn't have the slightest awareness of its existence in you. Besides you will not care, for even the ambition to be holy will have dropped as you live from moment to moment a life made full and happy and transparent through awareness. It is enough for you to be watchful and awake. For in this state your eyes will see the [truth]. Nothing else, but absolutely nothing else. Not security, not love, not belonging, not beauty, not power, not holiness — nothing else will matter anymore.
Anthony de Mello was a spiritual teacher, writer and public speaker.
Seed Questions for Reflection
How do you relate to the notion that effort does not change the person? Can you share a personal story of a time you were able to go beyond a transactional mindset of achievement and open into grace? What helps you be aware of your reactions and your relationships?
Seems like you all are on a journey to find God. Be in a state of eshan = God consciousness every second. That will elevate you. It’s pretty simple concept but hard to stay in that flow as this world operates in organized chaos.
KA
Kay
Jun 20, 2025
How can one view all the experiences one has every day, as though it's happening to someone else. I understand "impartial" but it seems to deny the self
First of all this is a very confusing post, especially towards the end. Next, my career being in psychology, effort and proper techniques done consistently over time do change people. How does one look, become aware, observe, or understand without effort? And not all techniques of doing the previously mentioned work as well as others. Further just because one observes and perhaps truly sees themself, especially their flaws, does that mean in my opinion they're holy. Many people see their flaws, know them, and admit them and say yeah I don't care I do not believe those people are holy. I believe those who do see areas where they can improve or even areas in society that need improvement and do everything they can to help improve society along with themselves are holy. Helping society a transformation happens in themselves and as that transformation happens in themselves they help society and even more ways that is truly holy.
Boa tarde. Passei muito tempo da minha vida tentando agradar, cuidar, fazer pelo outro, sem me dar conta que o que deveria realmente importar era o "eu", não de maneira egoísta, mas verdadeiramente me cuidar, me amar, me respeitar para aí então passar adiante.
Hoje com 56 anos sei o que quero, quem eu sou, e tendo a certeza de que tenho muito a aprender, crescer, evoluir. Acredito que fomos criados para sermos luz e iluminarmos, Acredito que Deus tem um propósito para cada um. Em 2018, no nono mês de gravidez minha nora sofreu um aborto, foi a pior experiência, mas com tudo acontecendo muito rápido e sem entendermos direito o que havia acontecido, senti algo muito forte em meu coração um versículo bíblico, senti a paz que excede todo entendimento. Parecia sem explicação, mas sentia-me tão tranquila e em paz como se alguém me carregasse no colo.
Quando estamos abertos a sentir, a receber e a dar, somos acolhidos e podemos acolher de maneira total.
This, as it is stated, is unconditional love for self. This, then, is transformational.
AC
anneke campbell
Jan 16, 2024
The Dali Lama says: Effort, Effort, Effort.
So he presents a different point of view, that the looking, observing, understanding and honing the light of one's awareness, indeed takes effort.
I have to share that this kind of journey can be hard if you expect life to be a certain way. I have ‘bought into’ BEING GUIDED, following what I have been CALLED to allow unfold in my life. Being AWARE has uprooted me, changed my family dynamic, motivated me to be driven to learn, build and undertake surprising projects. I’m unsure where I’m headed, but seem to surpass my set intentions (or they are met in ways I had not thought possible). The word ACHIEVE is something I must have rejected from childhood, because it doesn’t mean anything to me. I seem to be satisfied with putting in a good day of mindful work, and have proven to myself that that is enough, that I’m headed in the right direction, headed towards a mysterious destination, with intentions strung in a row. All I can say is that it doesn’t always sit well with me, or my friends and family. It’s not a conventional path. It’s taken a lot of faith and some loneliness along the way, ever reassured by my allowi... View full comment
I have to share that this kind of journey can be hard if you expect life to be a certain way. I have ‘bought into’ BEING GUIDED, following what I have been CALLED to allow unfold in my life. Being AWARE has uprooted me, changed my family dynamic, motivated me to be driven to learn, build and undertake surprising projects. I’m unsure where I’m headed, but seem to surpass my set intentions (or they are met in ways I had not thought possible). The word ACHIEVE is something I must have rejected from childhood, because it doesn’t mean anything to me. I seem to be satisfied with putting in a good day of mindful work, and have proven to myself that that is enough, that I’m headed in the right direction, headed towards a mysterious destination, with intentions strung in a row. All I can say is that it doesn’t always sit well with me, or my friends and family. It’s not a conventional path. It’s taken a lot of faith and some loneliness along the way, ever reassured by my allowing love (lots of self love) and clarity of mind be my guide. I’m pretty sure I will pass from this life very satisfied that I lived it well and loved every minute, even the really hard ones that tore my heart apart. I guess that is what grace is for me. Humbly being with all of it, like a water reed reaching for the sun, rooted in the muddy bottom, while the river of life sweeps by. Poetic this morning, during a huge winter storm event. Warm water and mud is where my mind is this morning. Maybe I’m headed there soon! Hide full comment
This is a welcome reminder for me that effort can change behaviour but not who we truely are. Who we truely are is gradually revealed through awareness of the unity, purity and divinity that exists within each of us and around us but which is veiled or covered by our limiting beliefs, opinions, likes and dislikes, regrets of the past and anxiety about the future. That stops present moment awareness, because we become so engrossed in "human doings" on auto pilot rather than existing consciously as "human beings". As Anthony De Mello says "... to be watchful and awake" is enough. Being fully present is awareness. He goes on to say.."...A grace called awareness, a grace called looking, observing, understanding. .......It is this non-judgmental awareness alone that heals and changes and makes one grow. But in its own way and at its own time."
Coming across this article is another of those serendipities that truly amazes me.
I've been doing some kind of meditation for some time sporadically Sometimes more dilligent and consistent for a while. And then I would stop. Frustrated that I did not become "enlightened" after all those hours I've put into it.
Then about five years ago, I had a burnout. I was ontreatment and theraphy for more than a year. During this time, I was re-introduced to mindfulness meditation. I learned different techniques. But the one that I stilluse is the Mindfulness App with Melli O'Brien.
It is actually a straight forward breathing observationmeditation. In fact, I was quite sceptical at the beginning because I was honestly not very comfortable with her girlish voice. There are other mentors in that app. And I alo tried some of them. But then I thought, if I want to do this long term, I should stick to a method and not try evrything but continue with none.
So I stuck with Melli. I became a... View full comment
Coming across this article is another of those serendipities that truly amazes me.
I've been doing some kind of meditation for some time sporadically Sometimes more dilligent and consistent for a while. And then I would stop. Frustrated that I did not become "enlightened" after all those hours I've put into it.
Then about five years ago, I had a burnout. I was ontreatment and theraphy for more than a year. During this time, I was re-introduced to mindfulness meditation. I learned different techniques. But the one that I stilluse is the Mindfulness App with Melli O'Brien.
It is actually a straight forward breathing observationmeditation. In fact, I was quite sceptical at the beginning because I was honestly not very comfortable with her girlish voice. There are other mentors in that app. And I alo tried some of them. But then I thought, if I want to do this long term, I should stick to a method and not try evrything but continue with none.
So I stuck with Melli. I became accustomed with her voice. Starting with 5 minute morning and evening meditations everyday.
Now, after more than five years of continues mindfulness meditation, a thought came to me the other day. What if the third eye that is supposed to open if one becomes enlightened is actually the eye of awareness?
I have been noticing more and more wonders in my everday life. Starting with the realization, what a fascinating phenomena our breathing actually is! Hide full comment
Do remember a pilgrimage where all the pilgrims are usually saints . I had undertaken it just to experience the grace of God.
I had seen saints and would try and be like them.
What I realised was, the authenticity
and the natural flow of love was not there.
Then I stopped trying and In a simple way started being in love , in gratitude of everything received, in awe of the gifts nature was bestowing upon me, the realisation of what nature and my life was trying to teach , and then I could sense a natural change happening within me.
GU
GururajJan 16, 2024
Wonderful, Shyam. May the grace of understanding keep flowing in for you .
Actually your comment is very suitable for the previous week's Awakin reading as well ( Awe walks)
Spirituality or holiness or selfless love cannot be obtained by making efforts. They are states of Being, not becoming. Becoming is like a behavor that can be acquired, channged, or modified. Spirituality is isness, presence, realty, truth, tathata as the Buddha says. It is formless, shapeless, sizeless, nameless and timeless. It is eternal. It is transcendental. We cannot purchase it or sell it. It is not a commodity. It is beyond a transactional mindset.
Spirituality is always present. It is like light that always shines. It is like love that never dies. I need to be awake to see it and experience it. When I get binded by my self-centered and selfish eyes, I lose it. When I crave for it and try to hold it, I lose it. It is always present in my inner home, inner being.
What helps me remain aware of this reality? When things do not go the way I want I become aware of how I am affected by not acquring what I wanted. I create a space between the triggering stimulus and my response... View full comment
Spirituality or holiness or selfless love cannot be obtained by making efforts. They are states of Being, not becoming. Becoming is like a behavor that can be acquired, channged, or modified. Spirituality is isness, presence, realty, truth, tathata as the Buddha says. It is formless, shapeless, sizeless, nameless and timeless. It is eternal. It is transcendental. We cannot purchase it or sell it. It is not a commodity. It is beyond a transactional mindset.
Spirituality is always present. It is like light that always shines. It is like love that never dies. I need to be awake to see it and experience it. When I get binded by my self-centered and selfish eyes, I lose it. When I crave for it and try to hold it, I lose it. It is always present in my inner home, inner being.
What helps me remain aware of this reality? When things do not go the way I want I become aware of how I am affected by not acquring what I wanted. I create a space between the triggering stimulus and my response. I take a few deep, slow and gentle breaths that helps me not to react impusively. It quiets and clears my mind and it helps me to respond wisely. As the Buddha says, when an arrow of hurt is thrown by somebody, do not throw a counter arrow of hurting the one who throws the first arrow of hurting you. Sadly, many arrows of reactions are thrown at each other in relashionships that hurts and bleeds the heart of each other. Non-judgemental awareness, loving kindness and insight of wisdom has has helped me to be free from my reactive behaviors. Practicing mindfulness is like a mirror that allows me to see my face and to open my eyes to see the truth and act accordingly.
Namste!
Jagdish P Dave Hide full comment
I think there is the person which is the public image or mask, and there is real inner self. Effort changes the public image but does not change inner real self. The real inner self is whole and good and doesn't need any changing, and our challenge is to allow and become what we really are. Like the author says, that is becoming holy. I think transactional mindset of achievement means goal-directed efforts to make happen what I want to happen. I go beyond that when I let go of trying to control outcome and do what I believe is right action in the moment. What helps me be aware of my reactions and relationships is valuing them, paying close attention without judgment or prejudice, knowing that existence is relationship, and knowing my reactions and how I relate make a difference.
Effort has opened up a world to me which has led me to understand that it is grace. When my father passed away amidst what seemed like a set of unfortunate circumstances, I felt the family so touched by grace that his passing became a celebration. When something goes off key and feel dissonance inside, I become aware of the reaction. When a moment of gratitude arises, I become aware of the relationship(s).
MF
Mukti FionaJan 16, 2024
Effort is grace…. I think that is what I was getting at in my response. And there is a dedication to the path in there too. Your words resonated with me. Thank you
Often as managers we are too frequently prone to the latest 'craze', trainings, or "buzz word." Several years ago, the "buzz" centered around emotional intelligence. Perhaps, it can be taught, perhaps, it is a trait that can be learned and practiced. However, there are others, who intuitively know what another may need? It is not something taught, it is intuitive....It is blissful and a feeling of being heard, being understood, being welcomed is often felt by the receiver. Some individuals have that gift. Perhaps it can be taught, but more than likely it is already within.
GU
GururajJan 16, 2024
"Already within" is very true for spiritual journeys as well. The Source within each of us , I guess, causes the wish to arise in the first place. Even while being influenced by various "techniques" and systems, and teachers, the deep and intuitive understanding that I need to be a temple for that Source to shine is a reminder i sorely need frequently
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Hand-drawn art by Rupali Bhuva
Effort Does Not Change The Person · Read by Liz Helgesen
