Reaching Underneath Our Protective Shell
VER QUÉ ESCONDE NUESTRA CORAZAPema Chodron
Entre las enseñanzas del budismo Mahayana encontramos el siguiente dicho: “Dirige todas las culpas hacia tu persona”. Lo que en esencia esta frase viene a decir es que “cuando algo duele tanto es porque lo estoy agarrando fuertemente.” No te está pidiendo que te flageles, ni está proponiendo que vayas de mártir por la vida. Lo que está insinuando es que el origen de tu dolor está en la fuerza con la que te aferras a que las cosas sean como quieres, y que cuando nos encontramos incómodos o en una tesitura o lugar que no nos gusta, una de nuestras principales maneras de salir del escollo es culpabilizar.
Lo que solemos hacer es erigir el muro de la culpabilización, el cual nos impide comunicarnos con los demás con honestidad; y lo blindamos con nuestras creencias sobre quién está en lo cierto y quién no. Lo hacemos tanto con personas de nuestro círculo más cercano como con la política: aplicamos el mismo tratamiento a cualquier circunstancia que no sea de nuestro agrado, provenga esta de nuestros allegados o de la sociedad en general. Culpabilizar es una antigua y muy extendida estrategia que hemos perfeccionado con el objetivo de sentirnos mejor. Utilizamos la acusación intentando proteger nuestro corazón y salvaguardar aquello que está expuesto, que es delicado y blandito dentro de nosotros. En vez de apropiarnos de nuestro malestar, le damos vueltas a la realidad buscando posicionarnos en un lugar un poco más cómodo.
Esa frase encierra una útil y beneficiosa invitación para que comiences a desactivar la vieja y arraigada tendencia a querer salirte siempre con la tuya. Puedes empezar por esto: en el momento que te venga el impulso de echar la culpa fuera, intenta contactar con aquello que hace que estés defendiendo tu posición con tanta fuerza ¿qué te está pasando cuando acusas? ¿qué estás sintiendo cuando rechazas? ¿qué hace que sientas odio? ¿qué te está pasando mientras defiendes tu ira?
Hay mucha dulzura, mucho amor dentro de cada uno de nosotros. Hemos de empezar por ser capaces de percibir ese lugar tierno en nuestro interior. La compasión va de eso. Cuando llevamos un tiempo sin echar las culpas fuera, el suficiente como para dejar que se abra un espacio donde poder percibir nuestra parte vulnerable, es como si hurgáramos hasta tocar la gran herida que está protegiendo esa coraza hecha de acusaciones (…)
Para actuar de manera compasiva has de empezar por discernir cuándo estás haciendo lo que corresponde y cuándo estás haciendo lo que no corresponde. Es entonces cuando podrás ver el margen de actuación que se abre entre esas dos opciones; se trataría de habitar ese frágil e inestable lugar.
Habitar ese lugar, si lo consigues, te entrenará a lo largo de tu vida a que te abras a cualquier emoción que puedas estar sintiendo; a que te abras cada vez más, en vez de cerrarte. Verás que a medida que te comprometes a actuar desde ahí, y empiezas a sentir que estás honrando partes de ti mismo que antes no soportabas, algo cambiará en ti para siempre. Tus antiguos patrones empezarán a perder fuerza y comenzarás a ver las caras de las personas y a escuchar lo que te dicen.
Si empiezas a contactar con aquello que estás sintiendo desde un lugar de ternura, tu armadura terminará derritiéndose, y entonces verás que hay más áreas en tu vida que puedes mejorar. A medida que aprendemos a mostrarnos más compasivos con nosotros mismos, el círculo de la compasión crece, así como las maneras de mostrarla hacia el resto de personas y cosas con las que nos relacionamos.
SEED QUESTIONS FOR REFLECTION: What does celebrating those parts of ourselves that we've earlier found impossible mean to you? Can you share a personal experience that illustrates such a celebration? How can we connect with our feelings with a sense of kindness?
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16 Past Reflections
On Nov 6, 2013 Mamta Nanda wrote :
I love the Buddhist mindfulness technique of 'Breathing in - I am aware of the feeling, breathing out - I send it love'. This helps me to accept and acknowledge what is coming up without judgement and hopefully helps it to flow through me rather than get suppressed.
Thanks for this article Pema, just what I needed to be reminded of today.
2 replies: Sarah, Cynthia | Post Your Reply
On Nov 5, 2013 Ganoba wrote :
why do we need to protect ourselves from the others?
This tendency begins with the superficial notion that we are separate from the others. having accepted this mistaken notion we distance ourselves from them. This distance produces misconceptions and then fear. This sets up a vicious cycle of fear and suspicion. building a protective shell is then the wise thing to do.
How do we get out of this trap?
If for a change we look inwards at the effect this defensive strategy has on us, we will realise the enormous damage it is causing our wellness. Removing or dismantling the shell then becomes the obvious wise thing to do.
We then set ourselves free.
3 replies: Boom, Jagdish, Boom | Post Your Reply
On Nov 5, 2013 Subhasree Yuvakumar wrote :
Dear Prema Chodron,
Namaste. Your piece of wisdom is really excellent. You explained it in such a simple manner that any body can understand it.
As for me, I follow a path called "Oneness Movement". Here I learnt exactly the same thing...... i.e. I should accept every aspect of myself without judgement and condemnation. Just see the "What is" and accept the What is without fighting it or trying to run away from it. Now I do that all the time without effort......... this our Guruji, Sri Bhagawan, calls as a state of "AWAKENING". As I have been following this path for the past 16 years, now it is a way of life for me to "Just See" what ever is present within me, be it anger, jealousy, comparison & so on and stay with it. This is how our mov... [View Full Comment]
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On Nov 2, 2013 david doane wrote :
It means accepting qualities about me and others that I don't like, rather than hiding them, denying them, repressing them, demonizing them. It means allowing and getting to know those disliked and unwanted parts of myself and others rather than separating from them and turning them into an other that I declare bad. It means being open rather than closed. It means being kind and loving rather than judgmental and hateful. I create the shadow side of me by disowning some of me, and we create 'them' by separating them from 'us.' The shadow side of me is still me, and it is part of my whole, and it is important that I accept all of me and be whole. 'Them' is still part of the human family, and it is important that we accept 'them' and work and live together rather than demonize and make war and kill each other. Learning to accept more of me and more of others is a celebration. What has helped me better connect with me and others is a growing... [View Full Comment]
2 replies: Amy, Jo | Post Your Reply
On Oct 31, 2013 Jagdish P Dave wrote :
Growing up is not always easy for anybody. The most difficult part of growing up for me when I was going through my young adulthood, a time to be connected with someone romantically and passionately. I went trough an agonizing relationship experience. It took almost a year from me to bounce back from my depression. As long as I was focusing on finding fault, blaming, others for my misery and suffering, I could not really free myself from my suffering. I did not blame myself for my chronic and crippling emotional pain. I also tried to console me by attributing my unhappiness to fate and destiny. That brought a little solace but did not alleviate my deep suffering. Support of a couple of my close friends and my deep passion for learning helped me to get out of the deep whole of depression. Real healing slowly happened to me by mindfully embracing my suffering-owing it, contemplating on it and accepting it. I grew from my unforgettable experience. It he... [View Full Comment]
1 reply: A | Post Your Reply
On Oct 31, 2013 Conrad P. Pritscher wrote :
Wow! I have read Pema Chodron but I did not read this piece before. I was touched by this one. I frequently write about how closed schools and universities are for doing excessive training and little education for self-direction, openness, and development of curiosity and love of learning. I notice I am not open when I blame others for their closedness. I'm surprised that I have not realized this before. In conversations with Somik Raha, he has tried to help me be more open regarding this matter. I understand what he was trying to do more clearly now after reading the above. I do not know what I will do now except waddle in what I now experience as not knowing how to transform schools from training places to places where openness, self-direction, and love of learning can flourish. I will stick with this "not knowing" for now. Thank you for the opportunity to respond.Warm and kind regards to everyone, even those teachers and professors whom I previously blamed.
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