A Walk in the Rain

Image of the Week
Image of the Week

As the story goes, I was walking through the rain on a cold Autumn evening in Oxford. The sky was getting dark; I was wrapped up warm in my new coat. And suddenly and without warning, the search for something more apparently fell away, and with it all separation and loneliness.

And with the death of separation, I was everything that arose: I was the darkening sky, I was the middle aged man walking his golden retriever, I was the little old lady hobbling along in her waterproofs. I was the ducks, the swans, the geese, the funny looking bird with the red streak on its forehead. I was the trees in all their autumnal glory, I was the sludge sticking to my feet, I was my body, all of it, arms and legs and torso and face and hands and feet and neck and hair and genitals, the whole damn lot. I was the raindrops falling on my head (although it was not my head, I did not own it, but it was undeniably there, and so to call it "my head" is as good as anything). I was the splish-splash of water on the ground, I was the water collecting into puddles, I was the water swelling the pond until it looked fit to burst its banks, I was the trees soaked by water, I was my coat soaked by water, I was the water soaking everything, I was everything being soaked, I was the water soaking itself.
 
And everything that for so long had seemed so ordinary had suddenly become so extraordinary, and I wondered if, in fact, it hadn't been this way all along: that perhaps for my whole life it had been this way, so utterly alive, so clear, so vibrant. Perhaps in my lifelong quest to reach the spectacular and the dramatic, I had missed the ordinary, and with it, and through it, and in it, the utterly extraordinary.
 
And the utterly extraordinary on this day was awash with rain, and I was not separate from any of it, that is to say, I was not there at all. As the old Zen master had said upon hearing the sound of the bell ringing, "there was no I, and no bell, just the ringing", so it was on this day: there was no "I" experiencing this clarity, there was only the clarity, only the utterly obvious presenting itself in each and every moment.
 
Of course, I had no way of knowing any of this at the time. At the time, thought was not there to claim any of this as an “experience”. There was just what was happening, but no way of knowing it. The words came later.
 
And there was an all-pervading feeling that everything was okay with the world, there was an equanimity and a sense of peace which seemed to underlie everything there was; it was as though everything was simply a manifestation of this peace, as if nothing existed apart from peace, in its infinite guises. And I was the peace, and the duck over there was it too, and the wrinkly old lady still waddling along was the peace, and the peace was all around, everything just vibrated with it, this grace, this presence that was utterly unconditional and free, this overwhelming love that seemed to be the very essence of the world, the very reason for it, the Alpha and the Omega of it all.
 
--Jeff Foster, in 'Beyond Awakening'

Seed Questions for Reflection

What shifts occur(or have already occurred) in your worldview if you accept the author's premise - there is a sense of peace that underlies everything that is? Have you had an experience of coming in touch with "an all-pervading feeling that everything was okay with the world"? What does "grace" and "presence that was utterly unconditional and free" mean to you?

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39 Past Reflections
NA
Nakul Agrawal
Oct 22, 2017
 Yes i have attained the same experience. Everyone who has attained it has said the same things but it’s difficult to understand unless U attain it . I’m saying this coz i have remained a seeker for quite a long time & used to reach such things but only when i attained the experience, could I really understand it. Through meditation one can train his mind gradually to reach a state of thoughtlessness. thoughts exist because in your mind the idea of u being an entity exists. When that idea dissolves, the thoughts dissolve as well. & then there is only the experience & not the experiencer because when there is an experiencer i.e. a sense of being a separate entity, U always try to understand the experience & to interpret it & put it into words. But when the experiencer vanishes & with it all the memory & thus beliefs & ideologies & understandings vanish, just the experience remains & then the experience seems so beautiful & fr... View full comment
ED
Mar 14, 2017

 Zen

WA
Wanderer
Jul 27, 2014

Why do I keep causing my own suffering.. Why can I not see the world as I know it to be. What is this affliction? Why can I not cry?

NI
Nimal Jul 27, 2014

 Wanderer keeps wandering! Questions questions, no answers. That's wonderful wandering!

ME
me Jul 27, 2014

 I do not know the answers to your "whys"????  What I do know is that when I was "suffering", a little bit earlier this evening, I went out (on my bike . . . because I am trying to be kind to a swollen ankle) to deliver church raffle tickets to a few of my neighbors.  In listening to few people's stories (their sufferings), I forgot about my own.  
We are all in the same boat here!  You are NEVER alone!  Love to you!

ED
Edward Mar 14, 2017

 acceptance
Read page 420 in the A.A. big book

KR
Krzysz
Jul 23, 2014

 Great. This is IT.

KE
Jul 22, 2014

 In Dying to Self there is an AWAKENING....Noting the  Intricacies in and Self though Painful is ELATING...Though the PROCESS, PROCESSINGS, PORCESSES, will come with PAIN, and BEING UNCOMFORTABLE through each realm of their, the Transformations in MIND, BODY, and SPIRIT will release...enabling the ESSENCE to be PEACEFUL in the MOMENT by the GRACE OF HIS HAND. 

AJ
aj Jul 22, 2014

 I hear you.  
Last Thursday, my son detected "a lump" on my  back.  In the last few days, as I have visited the general doctor and now await a call from a general surgeon, I find myself wondering what it might be . . .  But, too, am finding the waiting/the process/the feeling that something is inside of me that doesn't feel right . . . Peaceful.  
Dying to self every moment of every day . . . And it's OK.  

NH
nimal hapuarachchi Jul 23, 2014

 great aj

NH
Jul 22, 2014

 No, not an experience the 'I' can catch. But something in me is in agreement with what Jeff says. The real I acknowledges the peace and grace and presence.

ED
Edward Mar 14, 2017

Try doing something nice for another person  - don't tell anyone - don't let the other person know you did it -  then reconsider

ME
megin
Mar 20, 2014

 It is a Beautiful story Jeff, and I know this feeling I suppose you did not have money problems back then.....

ED
Edward Mar 14, 2017

 Ha! Ha! Ha!

RC
Mar 19, 2014

 I thought I was a great Swimmer of Life and loved the water. Had all the tools and clothing that I needed. Then I found myself within some rough waters. I tried to stay afloat, and to survive. Out of fear, I knew how to fight the water. I was not in control anymore, but was at the mercy of the water. Then I was taken over by the water. The power, the force of it pushed me under. After a while I let go of the fight and surrendered to my upcoming Death. At that moment I felt a calm and just stop all movement. I was still. What I found was I lost no-thing and gained an ocean. Within this Ocean was Peace, Joy and Unconditional Love. As I resurfaced to my Daily Life, I found a 'Burning image' of the Ocean Within me, as a Anchor to my Truth forever. Now I can swim with a feeling of Grace for Life and Freedom of Being that moves me. "I can not lose what I am".

;)
;) Mar 20, 2014

 That the world swim free and secure in Your Ocean.  Love this.  Thank you!

I much appreciate your depth.

NH
Nimal Hapuarachchi Jul 22, 2014

Wow. Lovely to hear!

PI
Pina
Feb 24, 2013
funny I should read this today as I had that experience this morning during meditation it doesn't seem to last much past the meditation, I cried as I read the above but I realized it's a cry of recognition. At the moment I seem to be able to access it at will, I suppose by accessing I mean if I put my attention there, there i am!   Pina
SH
Shanti
Jan 10, 2013
Hi Sandra, Thierry, my heart thrills to hear you both mention "the many" whose experience echoes Jeff's. I am the publisher of a new online subscription magazine entitled ONE. The heart and core of the magazine is the sharing of personal accounts of awakening to non-dual realization from people from all over the globe. Each issue also features one teacher of non-dualism, and Jeff will be featured in the next issue of ONE. Check it out when you have a chance: www.onethemagzine.com. And if you, yourself, or others you know might want to share their awakening stories, please contact me through the magazine!

Blessings,
Shanti Einolander
SA
Sandra Jul 23, 2014

 Well I never saw this comment until now, almost two years later!  Will check out the site.

TH
Jul 27, 2012
Hi Sandra. Yes, my friend's experience can be echoed by many. I very much appreciate your comment that ' moving into more light is part of our individual struggle' and ' that it takes hard work to get to see more of that light blinking through the trees.' I suppose this is more or less what I was in a mind to say when taking that exemple. The memory of these glimpses into the real did'nt set my friend going on the path of self-inquiry.
SA
Jul 26, 2012
 Hi Thierry, I'm sure your friend's experience can be echoed by many.  Just because there was no "transformation", whatever that means, doesn't mean we're not ready.  The fact is we're all "ready" in so far as we're all already spiritual beings.  The light can't come in the first place unless we have the shade open, even a tiny bit.  The fact that we don't know how to move more quickly into more light is just part of our individual struggle.  I had no immediate transformation and my life definitely had lots of highs and lows, mostly lows.  But, it's been the remembrance of that experience that has kept me afloat, helped me understand what I see around me in the world and "forgive it" (as they say in ACIM), be understanding, less distraught than I would have been about things.  Don't know about your friend, but it has taken me a lot of work, to cut away at the think brush o... View full comment
TH
Jul 26, 2012
A person I have known very well and for many years told me of having 'experienced' such extraordinary happenings of feeling totally one with whatever was . However, to his own avowal, these had no transformative value whatsoever and his life went on being a succession of  dramatic  highs and lows. They did not trigger the desire to enquire further into himself and reality and he is still not able to put whatever happened to him into perspective. In his case such happenings seem to be but random events, however impressive, in the course of a life somewhat devoid of significance. One does not necessarily get such glimpses because one is ready. They may happen also in a very disturbed and depressed mind and leave a person unchanged.
ED
Edward Mar 14, 2017

 maybe, maybe not

SA
Jul 24, 2012
 Awesome, and eloquently stated Mr. Hilderbrandt.  Am beginning to think we're given these glimpses, perhaps because we're ready, or have asked for it, consciously or not, and then the onus is on us to find our own route to that "place," which is always right within us.  Finally, am realizing that, and learning, slowly, my need to "be still" and seek within, invite, invoke, ask for that light to manifest itself.  It apparently takes concentrated, daily, hourly devotion, turning away from all "outside" ugliness, rejecting the notion anything could be real except the Divine.  Lots of prayer, meditation, and study.  But, we can just relax and enjoy the adventure.
RI
Jul 24, 2012
To Mr. Hilderbrandt:  Thank you so much for expressing your reflection here.  You use the word one-ness, and express a desire to experience this more.  Take time to google Oneness Blessing, and you will find likeminded people who are gathering near your location to experience this one-ness you speak about. Join them.  Your connection experience there during an incredibly difficult time in our human history helps bring perspective.  Again, thank you. 
EH
Eugene Hilderbrandt
Jul 23, 2012
    It was another morning in Chu Lai, Vietnam--home of the infamous Americal Division. A large and ugly army base where i was biding time, waiting to be shipped out to a smaller place where i could work in my MOS, listening to coded Vietnamese radio transmissions. I was about halfway through my tour of duty and more than anything else, somewhat bored       As i avoided the mud puddles that  February morning, i eventually found myself standing on top of a drive- up ramp to service jeeps. Looking through the mists toward distant purple mountains, i suddenly was aware that I WAS those mountains and they were me. The now perfect little mud puddles were as much me as my fingers. The olive drab trucks, the concertina wire, the things that had always possessed a negative connotation in my mind were simply...man's folly! Another GI i knew slightly since i'd been there less than a month, walked across the compound and i experienced a love beyond words... View full comment
SS
Jul 12, 2012
 Makes me think of how we fail to often appreciate all the beauty that surrounds us all the time (the sun, the birds, people), mainly because we are so consumed with distractions (texting, facebook, Internet) or our own minds that don't allow us to be aware and mindful in the present.
DD
Jul 10, 2012
 My first thought was that the writer was damn lucky to have such a unitive experience.  A few brief times, I don't know how many but only a few, I've had the experience of oneness with all, which was a peaceful and ecstatic state -- I don't know if I had an all-pervading feeling that everything was okay with the world -- I don't think I did -- it was more that I was in a state of better than okay.  To me, grace is a gift, it is the gift of and in a present moment, a moment of being free and beyond conditional.  Such moments are the best, the most satisfying and fulfilling, in living. 
AM
Jul 10, 2012
 He will be kept in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on You.  Isa 26:3.
 Since God made all things/ all people.  God is IN all things and all people.  To the extent we're able to get outside ourselves and enter into the experience of another (be he/she a person or "a rock") . . . there is peace.  Grace, Peace and most importantly, Love to you.  amy 
SU
Jul 10, 2012
 This has happened to me before on two or three occasions, all of them much too brief in duration.  But I distinctly remember that I felt connected to the universe and all that is in it... and I also had the thought that this is what it feels like to live eternally, to live long enough to be able to feel the essence of all living things, to be connected to all living things.... and that if only we had that privilege of eternal life, there could never be any war, violence, hatred, racism, etc. ... But of course, we all know that much is just common sense.
SA
Jul 10, 2012
 I did have such an experience, lasted for weeks, many years ago.  Did not understand its source at the time, or what to do with it, so commenced a long spiritual journey that has yet to bring back that "sense" of what I know to be real.  Though certainly grateful for the revelation as a reminder to me of what's real behind all the seeming madness.  This particular passage reminds me also of something John Wren-Lewis wrote years ago.  Thanks for the reminder.
KA
karen
Jul 10, 2012
Beautifully written...If we truly are 'desiring more' from an experience then I feel it is that sense of peace the author evokes in his depiction of being at one with all.  Grace & peace are present when we know and accept that experience unfolds just as it should, that life is just as it should be...
VS
Jul 10, 2012
 This will be the case, when all our senses stops functioning and our memory / thought stops influencing, in other words when we suspend our 'I',  to have experience of profound. But unfortunately this experience can not be described in detail due to suspension of senses and memories in this state and will remain like a dream.
JS
JS
Jul 10, 2012
 Simply beautiful...
TH
Jul 9, 2012
What a wonderful happening and what a paradox. But to walk around with the desire to have such an "experience" is precisely desiring the 'more'. That can only happen and all we can do is, as someone said, be orderly in ourselves and just leave the window open. 
RI
Jul 8, 2012
When you change your language, your choice of words, your focus, you are able to articulate the ideas that arise in this article.  As we change our view of our presence here from ‘it’s all about me’ in isolation and ‘things happen because of forces outside myself’ and ‘how can I get into heaven’, to ‘we are here all together on this global island, completely interconnected and interdependent’, we can begin to change the way we move about, change how we think, act with conviction on the premise of the article that reinforces everything is peacefulness, and in its place, it’s all okay.    When we focus on what we can get materialistically and fundamentally, dwell on how little the world seems to offer, how unfair and unrelenting the pressures and definitions of success are, how we are immobile and ineffective in the face of poverty, famine, and abuse, we search outside of our deepest heart and Big Mind and get cau... View full comment
JP
Jul 8, 2012
It is a most difficult state for anyone to achieve. Still more difficult to comprehend There  is no desire for reaching, arriving or seeking. There  is no goal. The player,goal-post,goal keeper become one.Everything merges in a state of Oneness. This state never comes by stiriving. But it comes by Divine Grace. One must have done numberless pious deeds to earn the grace of a Perfect Master to achieve there  is no me or I or you. In sufism we call it a state of 'fana'. From nothing to nothing one goes And finds everything. All the struggle and tumult comes to an end. One dies to the lie of a divisible world And becomes indivisible. It is a state without division. No creation or created except the essence . A state beyond createdness or created. This is the original state of being. This is reached when one ceases To exist for oneself And exist only  for non-self without  consciousness. Like a burning candle which is consumed By the flame To give light. Il... View full comment
CP
Conrad P. Pritscher
Jul 6, 2012
Jeff Foster is a wonderful writer.  I have difficulty adding anything more.  When one is one, the way that can be said is not the way. Desiring nothing can be peaceful. As Gandhi said: "There is no way to peace. Peace is the way." Warm and kind regards to everyone.