Like The Sun Shining
Sometimes people don't understand how Buddhism can talk about compassion and love in one breath and non-attachment and all these qualities of renunciation in the other breath. But that's because we confuse love with clinging. We think that if we love somebody, the measure of our loving is that we want to hold on to them. But that's not love, that's just self-love, attachment. It's not genuinely loving the other person, wanting them to be well and happy that's wanting them to make us well and happy. This is very important, because we confuse it all the time.
When I was nineteen years old I told my mother, "I'm going to India" and she said, "Oh yes, when are you leaving?" She didn't say, "How can you leave me, your poor old mother, now you've got to the age when you're earning a living, how can you go and abandon me?" She just said, "Oh yes, when are you leaving?" It was not because she did not love me, it was because she did. And because she loved me more in a way than she loved herself, she wanted what was right for me, not what would make her happy. Do you understand? Her happiness came by making me happy.
That's love, and that is something which we all need very much to work on in our personal relationships. To hold people and possessions like this (hands outstretched to indicate holding something lightly in the palms) and not like this (fists clenched to indicate holding something very tightly). So that when we have them, we appreciate and rejoice in them, but if they go then we can let them go. Change and impermanence is the nature of everything.
You see, when we lose something we love, it's our attachment which is the problem, not the loss. That's what causes us grief. And that is why the Buddha taught that with attachment comes fear and grief. We have the fear of losing, and then we have the grief when we lose. Buddha never said that love causes grief.
Love is an opening of the heart. It's like the sun shining. The sun just naturally shines. It doesn't discriminate, shining on this person but not on that one. It just shines, because it's the nature of the sun to give warmth. Some people go inside and close the doors and windows; that's their problem. The sun is shining anyway. And it's that quality of heart which we have to develop. That quality of open, unconditional loving, no matter what. I'm going to love you if you do this but I'm not going to love you any more if you do that parents do that, when their children don't obey.
--Tenzin Palmo
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14 Past Reflections
On Aug 9, 2009 shane wrote :
Yeah the relationship we have with the father god helps us to do manythings.For me is to be able to love my children through the eyes of god also to be patience with them. were the scripture comes to mind teach them in the way they should go. well up to them were they go but i trust gods hand is in it. But also the unity between my wife an i its like a triangle that with the gap. God becomes the connection.
Im reminded of a whakatauki. (proverb)
aroha mai, aroha atu .love from within. an love going out.
so yes its is really somthing to feast on an to take with to hands. So ano te pai, ano te ahureka, o te noho tahi o nga teina me nga tuakana, i runga i te kaupapa nei (whakaaro kotahi) which in short thank you that i can sit an reflect on this knowlegde shared from god.
arohamai
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On Aug 6, 2009 Somik Raha wrote :
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On Aug 2, 2009 Susan Bradley wrote :
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On Jul 30, 2009 RGK wrote :
This passage reminded me of something my friend told me recently. "You have a partner who is one in a million", my friend had told me. "Without thinking of himself, he was willing to let you go."
I have moved across the country and coasts for the next 5 years from him, and there he is, always encouraging me and giving me nothing but his good wishes,support and love.
Thanks for reminding me of the compassion of people around us, an everyday miracle that we often forget to remember.
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On Jul 29, 2009 Pallavi Deshpande wrote :
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On Jul 29, 2009 Atul Balshiram Pokharkar wrote :
Love is necessary for living in world. it make a good connection with human life.
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On Jul 28, 2009 Narendra Devadas wrote :
The word detachment is confusing. It applies to monks who have renounced the world and its responsibilities. For the rest of us, unselfishness makes more sense. If one is 100% egoistic or 100% selfish he is 100% non-god or 100% ignorant. If one is 100% unselfish he is 100% God. Most us are in transition in the gray area of Humans.
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On Jul 28, 2009 SK wrote :
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On Jul 28, 2009 sethi wrote :
Thks for a great post . Lots of learning . I had always been possessive of my wife , however having been seperated from her for the past years , Iam gradually learning the meaning of letting go .
As the old saying goes , when you set a bird free , if it comes back , it is yours , otherwise it never was .
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On Jul 28, 2009 Neerav wrote :
Wow this is exactly how I feel right now. Four days ago my wife left for a 2.5 month trip to Spain to study flamenco dancing. The interesting reaction from so many people was, "wow how can you do that? I would never be able to leave my significant other for that long." Some even ask me how I can manage to do it. To be honest not managing or dealing with it was never an option. It was a choice that she made for herself to pursue something that made her happy and I could never live with myself if I got in the way of that. I believe anyone could do this, but the trick is finding something that you are that passionate about that would give you the motivation.
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On Jul 28, 2009 supun wrote :
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On Jul 28, 2009 jane wrote :
This article is an eye opener, most times we want to believe loving someone is not letting the person go, wanting the person to always be by your side and all worth not.
Just as the rain falls on every person without giving a condition or giving preference to some persons that is how our love for people should be and even the bible encourages that too, when Jesus saved Mary Margdalene from been stoned, despite her promiscous acts. So we are all encourage to love and let go.
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On Jul 27, 2009 Peggy wrote :
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On Jul 27, 2009 Liz, iJourney Audio Editor wrote :
Reading this passage I thought of raising my children. To me, Like The Sun Shining represents total surrender of ego...letting go of even the tiniest crumbs of my will so that my children can grow and flourish into all of whom they were meant to be. I've got the vision -- of myself being this big, bright, ever-burning sunshine for them and all who enter my life. I pray that I can live this way when I get up from this chair and turn to plan the day with them. I pray that I can maintain this vision as we gear up for another school year. Sometimes it seems the line is blurred between what is my will vs. what is their path, but I do know how to tell the difference and this is good news. I can tell the difference because of how I feel inside. Prayer, journeling and my husband's feedback also help me get clarity.