Eulogy Versus Resume Virtues
About once a month I run across a person who radiates an inner light. These people can be in any walk of life. They seem deeply good. They listen well. They make you feel funny and valued. You often catch them looking after other people and as they do so their laugh is musical and their manner is infused with gratitude. They are not thinking about what wonderful work they are doing. They are not thinking about themselves at all.
When I meet such a person it brightens my whole day. But I confess I often have a sadder thought: It occurs to me that I’ve achieved a decent level of career success, but I have not achieved that. I have not achieved that generosity of spirit, or that depth of character.
A few years ago I realized that I wanted to be a bit more like those people. I realized that if I wanted to do that I was going to have to work harder to save my own soul. I was going to have to have the sort of moral adventures that produce that kind of goodness. I was going to have to be better at balancing my life.
It occurred to me that there were two sets of virtues, the résumé virtues and the eulogy virtues. The résumé virtues are the skills you bring to the marketplace. The eulogy virtues are the ones that are talked about at your funeral — whether you were kind, brave, honest or faithful. Were you capable of deep love?
We all know that the eulogy virtues are more important than the résumé ones. But our culture and our educational systems spend more time teaching the skills and strategies you need for career success than the qualities you need to radiate that sort of inner light. Many of us are clearer on how to build an external career than on how to build inner character.
But if you live for external achievement, years pass and the deepest parts of you go unexplored and unstructured. You lack a moral vocabulary. It is easy to slip into a self-satisfied moral mediocrity. You grade yourself on a forgiving curve. You figure as long as you are not obviously hurting anybody and people seem to like you, you must be O.K. But you live with an unconscious boredom, separated from the deepest meaning of life and the highest moral joys. Gradually, a humiliating gap opens between your actual self and your desired self, between you and those incandescent souls you sometimes meet.
David Brooks is a columnist from NY Times. The above excerpt is from his article The Moral Bucket List.
SEED QUESTIONS FOR REFLECTION: How do you relate to the distinction between eulogy and resume virtues? Can you share a personal story of a time you became aware of this distinction in your own life? What practice helps you develop eulogy virtues?
Add Your Reflection
20 Past Reflections
On Mar 31, 2024 Santosh wrote :
It also emphasizes eulogy ethics.
Post Your Reply
On Oct 29, 2023 Juvairiya wrote :
Post Your Reply
On Apr 9, 2023 Lory Alido wrote :
Post Your Reply
On Oct 9, 2022 Paul Stumb, Cumberland University wrote :
Post Your Reply
On Jun 4, 2020 Don wrote :
1 reply: Harold | Post Your Reply
On Dec 10, 2019 David L Caldwell wrote :
Post Your Reply
On Jul 7, 2015 Craig Bell wrote :
Deciding what it is important evolves through a lifetime. I am fortunate to celebrate 77 years and a few years back, I realized that gratitude needed to be my new attitude. It wasn't necessary to find that niche that would lead to glory in this world, but to find ways to improve the lives of others, if possible.... as I realized many in my life had contributed to my own growth. Serving others is what life can be about.
Post Your Reply
On Jun 28, 2015 jerard wrote :
For me both of the two are building virtues, the only distinction between the two is that eulogy is a virtue we build prior to the day we leave the world and such virtue will continue to work in hand, while the resume is a virtue we build to be equipped in the present.
To deepen the eulogy virtue, I always end up a day with a good realization for the good and bad times, but still looking at the brighter side of everything and being thankful for the blessings left in hand. That, the best virtue is accepting things happen according to God’s will.
Post Your Reply
On May 27, 2015 Sunila wrote :
What a beautiful realization of the ultimate truth of living an impeccable life- that we all can have a meaningful satisfied joyous life when we find our truth and honor our authentic self and that we are being ourselves in every step. This article is a gem :)
Post Your Reply
On May 26, 2015 LM wrote :
Post Your Reply
On May 26, 2015 Padma wrote :
Beautiful writing to reflect upon. One thing I have realized that when I meet such joyful souls fully rooted into the present, there is definitely desire to be like them. But the desire to be like somebody else can be a dangerous thing as it can go into negative cycle of thoughts of I am not good enough, not present enough and the thoughts keep going on....The thing that helps is having the inner awareness and getting in touch with the "deeper Self" which is present in everyone. There are lot of instances when I loose the touch with this "self" these are the times that become entangled in the external things and situations, then bringing the awareness back to the "being" level helps me stay centered without being sucked into the negativity. Deepening this awareness can help us to be like those joyful , ever present ,radiant souls.
Post Your Reply
On May 26, 2015 Tree wrote :
My biggest growth has been by my own hard times....facing them, learning from them & THEN having the empathy for others in trying times & being able to truly have the empathy & also the knowledge to share things that help them & I SEE their spirits lift & their eyes glow & I know I am serving my purpose!
Post Your Reply
On May 26, 2015 Sunil,Bangalore wrote :
To me Eulogy and Resume is a question of what you do between the short gap of life & death.Its all about soul connections made during this gap.Personally I can tell you this happens only when you manifest the latent harmony,friendship, forgiveness & the eternal love..................bypassing everything else, all the negativity.What ultimately matters is human relationships and not right or wrong. Cultivating this habit as our culture , daily routine with mindfulness consciously is indeed experiencing the beauty, fulfillment and amazement of life.
Post Your Reply
On May 25, 2015 david doane wrote :
Post Your Reply
On May 22, 2015 sheetal wrote :
Rightly said Eulogy virtues are only spoken at the time of funeral. The hard truth of the world is that resume virtues are the ones that are celebrated. Sometimes it has been noticed that even spiritual gurus are inclined to support those devotees whose resume virtues are high. The distinction hence stands out clearly and though we would wish to nurture our eulogy virtues sometimes practical reality does tilt it otherwise. The practice one follows is to find a balance between the two and hold on to what helps in living with inner truth of being.
Post Your Reply