Death is Life's Door

                                  Death is Life's Door

-       Shaking hands with death in order to embrace life – 

1) Death is like a deep and long sleep - When we get-up from this sleep find ourselves in a different dress (Body) and at `different address with unknown smiling faces around us.

Only problem is that we do not remember everything of the past and so are confused. There is only fear of unknown and uncertainty in this long and deep sleep (death)!

However, how much do we love sleep? Those who are not getting good sound sleep are constantly grumbling with everyone. People long for their week-end afternoon siesta. We welcome daily sleep longingly; however, we are scared of that long sleep, death. Why?

Because when we get-up from sleep we are energetic and there is guarantee to meet all old faces and life continues. However, in that long deep sleep there is no guarantee whether we will meet again and if we meet, we all will have different masks, clean slate and a fresh start! And that’s life!

We take entry in an unknown family as a new born baby! We come across with new faces, develop relationship and get separated when their or our journey ends.

I do not fear death. I used to. I used to fear the death of my loved ones, leaving me here devoid of their caresses, their support, their love. But then I realized that all people I meet continue to live inside of me, especially the loved ones - they still talk me through my impasses, my bad moods.
As for my death, I don't fear it at all. At most, my death will be a stretch of my anguishes and torments, or a stretch of my compassion and love. So I work to feed my soul compassion rather than anguish, and love rather than hate, just in case. The slumber of nothingness I would happily embrace, as nothingness is not being a consciousness anymore, thus no I, no Self, no threatening of Self - as there will be no Self to be threatened.
But then, why would one live the Life if there's no fear of Death? I live it for the process - the understanding, the discovering, the becoming. There is beauty in Time, the relentless Transformation of this world we know. Observing it brings me joy. It's only that from time to time, quite often sadly, I loose focus from it. And I have not learned to let it go yet, to accept that I am only human.

I like how the author says, “To embrace life I must shake hands with death.”  The author goes on to say he needs practice.  From my experience death feels like nothingness, no purpose and it creates this crushing negative self-consciousness.  Death is mean.  It mocks life and it creates this alienation from life.  In my human body death is felt as darkness and the chasm of inner darkness can be like a black hole draining life out of me.  And when death is felt as depression or despair, where there is no choices, the only choice is to welcome death.  It is a choice to merge with nothingness.  This death can be a way of saying no to life and refusing to going on being tormented. 

Because my cells do not produce sufficient energy for my muscles, creating lots of exhaustion and fatigue, death is a moment to moment experience for me.   My daily death is felt as nothing in the world to identify with, nothing true or valuable in which I can believe in.  The meaninglessness can bring about insecurity and powerlessness.  There are even points of terrifying attraction to the darkness because how I felt repulsed with my daily death.  However, lately I have begun to trust this darkness and death.  I am beginning to learn to accept my powerlessness/nothingness and of all things there is a self here.  There is a self in the void, in the darkness and in the death. 

This self within death, for me, is the heart of faith.  It is a realistic faith and is its own value without reference to anyone.  It is a point I trust, even when I cannot deal with the lifelessness anymore.  This faith ask no questions, consents to the meanness of death and learns to accept my having no choices.  I am disappointed in this dying because it has weaned me from my feelings and weaned me from my beliefs.  And yet faith being all there is left is like the sun.  It does not matter if I believe or not because faith becomes this inner Essence and this supportive Presence where death becomes life.                  

I believe that forms end or die, including every inanimate thing and every animate cell and body, and I believe that life goes on.  As a child and for a long time I believed in 'heaven' as a place that I would live in after I physically die.  That's a belief and wish that goes back thousands of years and is still alive for many people.  As for me, I now simply believe my spirit or soul will continue to be.  I believe in the continuity of spirit, and death is life's door in the sense that the end or death is a new beginning.  I haven't personally shook hands with death in the sense of consciously being at death's door myself.  The closest I've come to shaking hands with death has been the death of loved ones.  I didn't shake hands with death in order to embrace life -- neither I nor death are that goal-directed -- but the death of loved family members, teachers, and friends has helped me accept the inevitability of death and to embrace more this brief time of life in this form.

I had a classmate since my kindergarten days and we went in the same bus, shared the same bench in the class and were also born on the same date. Through our highschool we were inseparable till we chose different subjects and went to other classes. Both of us made new friends and slowly got out of touch. After a few years I heard she stayed in a town close by and I wished to meet her and reconnect. This, I kept postponing as other things were more important, i was so self absorbed with my work and family that I had no time. One day, i received the news that she passed away in cancer. That moment hit me in the heart..i cursed myself for not picking up the phone and calling her or making any effort of seeing her. i regretted my self absorbed, selfish behaviour. This was my wake up call. I made a resolution to listen to my heart and do what it takes to live life, love more and be present for all and the self. Since that day the practice is,  touching as many lives as possible allowing myself to learn and love in the process. Calling one friend a day, giving happy surprises to bring a smile on someone's face and mine too :) Going out of the way to take care of somebody, learning to give in that way. So giving, receiving and dancing can happen naturally..as a way of life. Death to me now is an awareness that if i am to live 10 more years which is 3500 odd days what would i do each day :) One can do the math to increase or decrease no. of days but all we have is "today"!!

As the author suggests we each have a choice: to fear death or embrace and accept its eventuality and to greet life with gratitude and gusto. In my own life I do my best to fully embrace each day and to know that at any moment it can end. And this is with appreciation for every day; to live, love, learn and grow each day. To tell people how I feel about them with a caring heart. To do seemingly small things like offer hugs to strangers, a listening ear to someone in need to talk, to jump in puddles, to dance in the rain, to smile at the sun, to notice the flowers (even weeds are beautiful when looked at with new eyes.) This has been a work in progress. I have been challenged with Depression and when the darkness comes, I push even more to focus on the light that is always there even if a bit obscured. My father tried to kill himself 5 times and lost his battle with heart disease (when diagnosed, he did everything he was told not to do, a slow form or suicide) I chose to live fully, every day and not become like my father consumed in sadness. Some people seem to die a little every day. I choose to live a little (or a lot ;) ) every day. Gratitude helps so much in embracing life! All those seemingly small things add up into so much beauty! Hugs from my heart to all of yours. I hope you can embrace life too!