Why Do We Shout In Anger?
¿POR QUÉ GRITAMOS CUANDO NOS ENFADAMOS?Un santo fue una vez a tomar un baño al río y encontró que en la orilla había una familia cuyos miembros se gritaban los unos a los otros, enfurecidos. Volviéndose hacia sus discípulos, sonrió y les preguntó:
“¿Por qué la gente grita cuando se enfada?”
Los discípulos cavilaron durante un rato, y entonces uno de ellos dijo: “Gritamos porque perdemos los nervios.”
“Pero ¿por qué habrías de gritar cuando tienes a la otra persona justo al lado?” Inquirió el santo. “Podrías igualmente contarle lo que tengas que decirle de manera sosegada.”
Algunos de los discípulos ofrecieron otras respuestas, pero ninguna satisfizo al resto.
Al final el santo les explicó:
“Cuando dos personas se enfadan entre sí, la distancia entre sus corazones aumenta. Para salvar esa distancia y poder oírse tienen que gritarse. Cuanto más enfadadas estén, más fuerte tendrán que gritar salvar esa distancia tan grande y poder oírse.
¿Qué pasa cuando dos personas se enamoran? Pues que no se gritan, sino que se hablan quedo, porque sus corazones están tan cerca el uno del otro, que bien no hay distancia entre ellos, o esta es muy pequeña…”
Y siguió diciendo: “¿Qué pasa cuando su amor es incluso más grande? Pues que no se hablan sino en susurros, y eso hace que su amor los una más y más. Al final ni siquiera necesitan susurrarse, lo único que necesitan es mirarse, nada más. Así de cerca están la una de la otra cuando dos personas se aman.
Entonces miró a sus discípulos y dijo:
“De modo que cuando discutáis, no permitáis que vuestro corazón se distancie, no digáis cosas que hagan que os separéis más incluso, porque si lo hacéis llegará el día en que la distancia sea tan grande que no encontraréis el camino de regreso.”
Autoría desconocida.
SEED QUESTIONS FOR REFLECTION: What do you make of the relation between the intensity of communication and the closeness of hearts? When we find ourselves in a situation where we are either shouting or being shouted at, how might we transform the situation and bridge the distance that has developed? Can you share a personal experience that illustrates the bridging of this distance?
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77 Past Reflections
On Oct 5, 2023 Shammi wrote :
Our human body is not that much strong to hold that energy and that is reason our body start shaking and our voice become louder to express that energy.
It is like that a 60KWA bulb is forced in electricity of 120 KWA what will happen. That bulb will be blast.
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On Feb 2, 2022 Usha wrote :
With love and compassion, we are centered and balanced and reach out with love and compassion for others
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On Oct 7, 2021 Michelle wrote :
1 reply: Nazish | Post Your Reply
On Jun 27, 2021 Whyte Ikocha wrote :
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On Apr 11, 2021 Erin Valenzuela wrote :
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On Jul 31, 2016 celeste wrote :
we shout when we don't feel heard. The louder one voice gets, the louder the responder must become to be heard; and the snowball of getting louder, the justification of not being heard lets one's voice continue to get louder in an effort to speak over the "unheardness" of the other. Once the snowball effect begins, stopping it becomes a bigger challenge then those feeling unheard can practice, while still trying with all their might to yell louder, forcing the other to become a listener and to hear. A peaceful heart, the practice of listening wholly is the only way to stop the yelling. One committed listener can quiet the yelling, if they so choose.
1 reply: Nazish | Post Your Reply
On Sep 11, 2015 Anonymous wrote :
I know of someone who screams and shouts because all he wants is control. He rarely ever makes requests, instead he barks orders at everyone. He is an asshole. That is why I moved out of there.
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On Dec 8, 2014 Megan wrote :
This is a quote by Meher Baba. A silent Indian guru. I thought this might sheds a new light on the story because it also refers to why he kept silence for the 40 years leading up to his death.
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On Jun 11, 2014 becca wrote :
1 reply: Me | Post Your Reply
On Dec 1, 2013 Virtue wrote :
9 replies: Pratibha, Pratibha, Alfm, Pratibha, Pratibha, Always, Bk, Pratibha, A | Post Your Reply
On Nov 26, 2013 John wrote :
I greatly appreciate the insight of this story.
I also believe that we shout when we are angry so that we will not have to hear what the other has to say. In love we only need to whisper because the other in listening intently. Our anger at others can come from fear, our fear of the perspective / the paradigm that the other is offering as we see it as threatening to our own. We then distance ourselves and strive to make the other wrong, bad or even evil rather than honouring the other and deeply listening to understand. We hold the other responsible for our unpleasant feelings and blame them instead of taking responsibility ourselves for the quality of our inner space.
2 replies: A, Pratibha | Post Your Reply
On Nov 26, 2013 Richard Lane wrote :
I have found that shouting while in anger has also caused the distance between two people to become greater over time and in my case that distance grew to the point where we were no longer able to find that path back to each other as was stated, and it ended in divorce. Twice !!! In listening to this I have discovered that within myself, in whatever relationship I was in at the time, I had a silent distance from the other person and it was that dissatisfaction, that emptiness that was at the root of the distance I felt when angered in any situation with the other person and as it was said, manifested itself in shouting when angered. Find what causes your hidden distance, Disappointment, broken or realized dreams, unresolved issues, Unsatisfied with your life in general. These are the silent killers that will cause the anger and eventual separation and destruction of your relationships.
1 reply: Pratibha | Post Your Reply
On Nov 22, 2013 tarsempaul wrote :
In anger we think that the other fellow is not giving proper attention to my views and as such not understanding meaning of my talk or he is pretending to not listening me properly and is not understanding true sense of my words. With each word they flare up instead of understanding each other and exchange their thoughts.
2 replies: Aj, Pratibha | Post Your Reply
On Nov 20, 2013 Ganoba wrote :
Yes, it is energy. Nothing can happen without the play of energy. It is, however, necessary to understand it and to develop the necessary skills to be able to use it creatively. This is true about the energy of love as it is about the energy of anger. For example a laser in the hands of a skilled ophthalmologist is used for a delicate cataract operation. In the hands of a novice it will cause blindness. Electrical current at 110 volts is of immense use but at 440 volts can be lethal. There is a lot that we need to learn about the use of our power. As a first step we need to clear the slate (our mind) of all the hear say and the mumbo jumbo about being human and civilized and cultured and so on.
1 reply: A | Post Your Reply
On Nov 16, 2013 Colleen wrote :
The question, "Why do we shout in anger ... ?" I think this insightful essay says it all. I can not add to it. Wow!
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On Nov 14, 2013 rajesh wrote :
Another point to consider: we yell in anger only to those we are close to. If the anger-triggering agent is a person we don't know or care much about then we may try and express ourselves or we may try to rectify the situation, but we almost never will yell at strangers.
Also, maybe that anger builds up?
3 replies: Me, Pratibha, Pratibha | Post Your Reply
On Nov 13, 2013 Mahesh Shah wrote :
Why we shout in anger?
Anger is generated when one's ego is hurt in one way or the other. 'How can he/she do this to me?' where 'ME' is quite quite BIG. When my ego is hurt I feel it necessary to raise my voice to satisfy my ego and to let the other person 'Who am I?' it is my weakness that makes me shout.
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On Nov 13, 2013 pratibha wrote :
People also shout because it brings a one-pointed mental state, but that could be about anything not necessarily when talking to another.
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On Nov 13, 2013 Jenny wrote :
It is stheartling , isn't it, how organically connected we are, one to another?
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On Nov 13, 2013 Sa-Rah wrote :
when I shout, I am in pain. I'm not being heard. You are twisting my words. I'm trying to get you to hear me, but you are blocked. Maybe I am too.
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On Nov 13, 2013 Prakash wrote :
Dear Pratibhaben,
Greetings of Peace!
Kindly send a mail on pdtalathi@yahoo.com
Diffculty to write & communicate. I am trying for past 2 Hrs.
Abt me I move many countries and offer my service (seva) Different courses & meditatiomn.
egards
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On Nov 12, 2013 Sanjay wrote :
Its good as a lesson but totally wrong. Why do dogs bark? Isn't it strange to separate us from animals? Its a typical stage of disagreement 9in human ) or insecurity ( in animals ) ; its just an alarm to show the other side that it must close mouth before me..or I should update to next stage of attack..
3 replies: A, Pg, J | Post Your Reply
On Nov 12, 2013 carleen wrote :
sometimes a long silence is more distancing that a horrific shout.
1 reply: Me | Post Your Reply
On Nov 12, 2013 Maya Vidhyadharan wrote :
2 replies: Me, David | Post Your Reply
On Nov 12, 2013 J. Bruce Wilcox wrote :
The first problem in this story is that the 'saint' hasn't comprehended the reality few comprehend- which is that when your anger is triggered- it's YOUR anger- even if it seems to have been triggered by an outside source. Humans don't get this as they're too busy trying to blame the 'other' for triggering their own anger about something. But when OUR anger is triggered, we humans have been programmed to repress this emotion- to our own detriment. So while moving it in the context of relationship is what happens most often- not moving it is more harmful. Until our society comes to understand the clearing and healing power associated with having all of our emotions- at the volume we're experiencing them- and then moving them and releasing them- we will continue to exist in a dysfunctional emotional universe.
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On Nov 12, 2013 Aj wrote :
This is to Will: I work in a school with no walls. Having just under 700 children learning in a relatively small space, with book cases and movable partitions (for coat hooks/supplies) dividing the classroom spaces. The teachers, to get the attention of their class, do the opposite. With stillness and low volume, the teachers draw the kids eyes and ears. It's an art . . . It's a way . . . It commands respect. Very Christ-like.
Have a fabulous day!
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On Nov 12, 2013 Jaya Iyer wrote :
Anger is also a sign of weakness! Whatever we have to say can be said softly too. Many people think to be angry, shout , yell etc shows their power but it is sad that they have no clue it is a sign of their weakness rather than their strength or power!!!
4 replies: Aj, Annette, Byron, David | Post Your Reply
On Nov 12, 2013 Cindy Wilson wrote :
I believe the physical pressure that builds from an emotional reaction causes one to get it out ASAP and in any way. It's so emotionally based that there is no logic or reason behind it. It's actually vary organic in nature and in this society a vary vulnerable experience towards healing.
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On Nov 12, 2013 Byron V wrote :
Sweet story. Perhaps now the saint will give instructions on how to deal with the anger? Yelling at someone in anger makes things worse, can lead to physical violence, but so does repressing/suppressing it and "forgiving" too quickly, which can lead to psychosomatic illness. What to do? Anger is inevitable in life and is not "bad". Neither is sadness. These two emotions can heal if worked with appropriately. For instance, expressing the anger-in private- by hitting a punching bag and yelling, in order to release and reduce the energy of anger, or having a good cry to express sadness. There is a 99 cent kindle book available at Amazon which I found most helpful: "Anger Work--How to Express Your Anger and Still Be Kind". I'm not a shill--genuinely grateful for this wonderful book--only wish it was available in print so it could be more easily shared.
3 replies: Sandra, Annette, Byron | Post Your Reply
On Nov 12, 2013 T R SOMAN wrote :
The story is good.people quite often shout when they are angry.Shouting loudly will reduce their anger a little.Suppressing the anger may lead to some other complications later.But one should learn to control the anger by practicing meditation and yoga.
1 reply: Prakash | Post Your Reply
On Nov 11, 2013 Will Richardson wrote :
Maybe people who don't think they are being heard raise their volume hoping that will get attention and a hearing?
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On Nov 11, 2013 christine wrote :
so much to think about in this simple but profound teaching .... I don't think I will ever forget the analogy between closeness of hearts and volume of voice where anger is concerned ... thank you!
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On Nov 11, 2013 tpabr wrote :
a nice piece of wisdom, we should keep in mind the next time we raise our voice
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On Nov 9, 2013 david doane wrote :
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On Nov 8, 2013 Conrad P Pritscher wrote :
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On Nov 7, 2013 Pratibha wrote :
Well shouting sometimes seems to give more emphasis, but does it? Sometimes not. Different strokes work for different folks, so goes the saying.