The Opponent Relationship Is Not A Contest
La relación con el oponente no es un concurso--por Shannon Lee
¿Qué es el combate, después de todo, sino una relación intensa? Tu oponente intenta bloquear y contrarrestar cada golpe que lanzas, así como sus propios golpes, lo que hará en respuesta directa a las señales que te lea. También percibirá tu energía, tu tiempo de reacción, si pareces confiad@ o insegur@, si te mueves con experiencia, si sostienes su mirada, cualquier patrón que tengas, etc. Y mientras se relaciona contigo, se ajusta a sí mism@ también. Está ajustando su estrategia, su técnica, su enfoque. Si le das un golpe, entonces tiene que evaluar cómo encontraste esa oportunidad y viceversa. Es un baile. Es una relación.
¿Te suena familiar? Debería, porque nos estamos reevaluando un@s a otr@s todos los días, sintiendo la energía y ajustándonos en consecuencia. Te presentas emocionad@ y optimista a una cita para almorzar con un/a amig@, pero cuando llegas, l@ encuentras plan@ y malhumorad@. Si eres consciente, probablemente reduzcas un poco la marcha. Tal vez preguntes qué está mal o trates de hacer que se rían, pero respondes a lo que estás obteniendo en función de lo que estás sintiendo. Incluso cuando interactuamos con un/a complet@ extrañ@, como el/la cajer@ de una tienda o el/la carter@, notamos si alguien es grosero o agradable y respondemos a su vez con una molestia interna o una sonrisa amistosa. Estamos en relación todo el tiempo, y nuestras relaciones son un reflejo de nuestro propio mundo interior.
Para aprender y crecer, necesitas relaciones. Necesitas ese/a compañer@ de entrenamiento para subir de nivel tu juego. En pocas palabras, para nuestros propósitos aquí, no hay nadie mejor que la persona que está frente a ti en un momento dado para ayudarte a verte a ti mismo con mayor claridad. Alguien que está allí, ya sea que lo sepa o no y ya sea que lo sepas o no, para mostrarte dónde están tus puntos débiles, para mostrarte cómo ser mejor y cómo hacer brillar tu luz más intensamente, Porque tú estás en respuesta a tu entorno todo el tiempo, tu entorno se convierte en un reflejo tuyo. Entonces, ¿Qué puedes aprender sobre ti mism@? ¿Dónde puedes descubrir la causa de tu propia ignorancia? ¿Cómo puedes mejorar a partir de esto? Pero ten cuidado: ¡Quieres ser mejor, no mejor que! La relación con el oponente no es un concurso.
Preguntas semilla para la reflexión: ¿Cómo te relacionas con la noción de combate como una relación intensa en la que 'quieres ser mejor, no mejor que'? ¿Puedes compartir una historia personal de un momento en que la persona que estaba delante de ti te ayudó a verte a ti mism@ con más claridad? ¿Qué te ayuda a mantenerte abiert@ a crecer en cada relación?
En su libro, "Sé agua, amig@".
In her book, "Be Water, My Friend."
SEED QUESTIONS FOR REFLECTION: How do you relate to the notion of combat as an intense relationship where 'you want to become better, not better than'? Can you share a personal story of a time that the person standing before you helped you see yourself more clearly? What helps you stay open to growing through every relationship?
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15 Past Reflections
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On Aug 9, 2022 Jagdish P. Dave wrote :
We all need relationships to learn and grow. According to my understanding, there are two kinds of relationship: intrapersonal and interpersonal. How do I cultivate my realationship with me and my reationship with others? I mindfully attend to my inner world of thoughts, feelings and emotions and examine them with an open mind which helps me to arise and lift me up and what brings me down. In that way I face myself and learn from myself. The same way I keep my mind and heart open to receive feedback from others. This is the way I learn and grow.
When I was participating in an encounter group, I learned about what blocks me from expanding my consciousness. There have been times I when I am blind to my inner world and actions. In the encounter group I saw my own blindness and that helped me to see the light.
Open mindedness has been very helpful to me. Awareness what is happening in my mind and heart also helps me. I know this is an ongoing
process and that helps me continue grow... [View Full Comment]
1 reply: Patricia | Post Your Reply
On Aug 9, 2022 Pius wrote :
The most powerful revenge is fruitfulness in one's own life, fruitfulness in love, compassion, empathy, forgiveness, and generosity.
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On Aug 9, 2022 Ted T wrote :
The framework of combat (like competition) by definition introduces the principle of "better than"; the measure of success (or not) over another is integral, and our western culture encourages this. Structured combat (and practice for it) is a traditional tool used in the east for developing awareness, but for both eaast and west it seems all too easy for egoic identity to become attached (or even identified) with an adversarial approach to all relationships (which the author does warn of). Human interactions in a spirit of cooperation seem a better fit than those of combat to me...
1 reply: David | Post Your Reply
On Aug 8, 2022 Fatima wrote :
There is a young boy who was a gardener at home....this boy was so stubborn so immune to advise that he annoyed me every time I talked to him....until a time I realized that this young man was mirroring the a pain body in me that he was fueling each time there was a confrontation...he only did things that increased my anger....until I realized it was all about me not him...he had his own traumatic wounds and they were similar to my own childhood wounds (traumas).
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On Aug 7, 2022 Shyam wrote :
"We are in relationship all the time, and our relationships are a reflection of our own inner world. ". To learn and to grow, you need relationships. " So aptly said.
Where we falter is when our ego starts telling us you are better than XYZ. You deserve to be treated better. We start viewing the relationship as a combat and start devising ways to prove we are better . We even manipulate just to show ourselves in "better than "ways.
The very relationships which were meant to give us joy , starts giving us stress and result in a never ending struggle.
Where we falter is when our ego starts telling us you are better than XYZ. You deserve to be treated better. We start viewing the relationship as a combat and start devising ways to prove we are better . We even manipulate just to show ourselves in "better than "ways.
The very relationships which were meant to give us joy , starts giving us stress and result in a never ending struggle.
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On Aug 5, 2022 David Doane wrote :
Relationship and combat are not synonymous. Combat is a specific kind of intense relationship. Combat is fighting. Combat is a battle. I agree that we learn and grow in relationship. In combat, the big picture may sometimes be to become better, but the immediate want of the parties involved is to beat on each other and try to beat each other which may result in learning and growing but likely results in destruction and death. I'm all for relationship and encounter; I'm not for combat and beating. Relating to and encountering the person standing before me typically helps me see myself more clearly -- that's not combat. What helps me stay open to growing through relationship is experience, that is, knowing from experience that I've grown through relationship, and valuing opportunities to grow. Relating to the other and not to expectations or prejudices or some underlying agenda helps me stay open to growing.
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On Aug 5, 2022 Kristin Pedemonti wrote :
I would like to make a small adaptation away from the combat metaphor, to simply 'relationship' is where 'you want to become better, not better than.'
1 reply: Susan | Post Your Reply
On Aug 5, 2022 susan schaller wrote :
I studied and practiced tai chi, which also includes something called "push hands." The focus is listening - with your body, your all, to feel them and their energy. The obvious and immediate insight is that one cannot do that without listening to the same thing within. We cannot know ourselves without others. Opponents are mirrors.