Solitude Is Where Community Begins
La soledad es donde comienza la comunidad- por Henri Nouwen
La soledad es donde comienza la comunidad. Ahí es donde escuchamos a Dios. A veces pienso en la vida como una gran rueda de carro con muchos radios. En el medio está el buje. A menudo, en el clero, parece que estamos corriendo por el borde tratando de llegar a todos. Pero Dios dice: “Empieza en el buje; vive en el buje. Entonces estarás conectad@ con todos los radios y no tendrás que correr tan rápido ".
Es precisamente en el centro donde descubrimos la llamada a la comunidad. Es notable que la soledad siempre nos llame a la comunidad. En la soledad te das cuenta de que eres parte de una familia humana y que queréis levantar algo juntos.
Por comunidad, no me refiero a comunidades formales. Me refiero a familias, amigos, parroquias, programas de doce pasos, grupos de oración. La comunidad no es una organización; la comunidad es una forma de vida: reúnes a tu alrededor personas con las que quieres proclamar la verdad de que somos los hijos e hijas amados de Dios.
La comunidad no es fácil. Alguien dijo una vez: "La comunidad es el lugar donde siempre vive la persona con la que menos quieres vivir". En la comunidad de Jesús de doce apóstoles, la última incorporación fue alguien que lo iba a traicionar. Esa persona siempre está en tu comunidad en algún lugar; a los ojos de los demás, tú podrías ser esa persona.
¿Por qué es tan importante que la soledad anteceda a la comunidad? Si no sabemos que somos los amados hijos e hijas de Dios, vamos a esperar que alguien de la comunidad nos haga sentir así. Ellos no pueden hacerlo. Esperamos que alguien nos dé ese perfecto amor incondicional. Pero la comunidad no es alguien aislado aferrándose a otro ser aislado: "Estoy tan solo y tú estás tan solo". Es la soledad agarrándose a la soledad: “Yo soy el amado; eres el amado; juntos podemos construir una casa ".
A veces te sientes cercan@ y eso es maravilloso. A veces no sientes mucho amor y eso es difícil. Pero podemos tener fe. Podemos construir un hogar juntos y crear un espacio para lo sagrado.
Dentro de la disciplina de la comunidad están las disciplinas del perdón y la celebración. El perdón y la celebración son los que hacen comunidad, ya sea un matrimonio, una amistad o cualquier otra forma de comunidad.
¿Qué es el perdón? El perdón es permitir que la otra persona no sea Dios. El perdón dice: "Sé que me amas, pero no tienes que amarme incondicionalmente, porque ningún ser humano puede hacer eso". Todos tenemos heridas. Todos estamos sufriendo mucho. Es precisamente este sentimiento de soledad el que acecha detrás de todos nuestros éxitos, ese sentimiento de inutilidad que se esconde bajo todos los elogios, ese sentimiento de falta de sentido incluso cuando la gente dice que somos fantásticos; eso es lo que nos hace a veces agarrarnos a las personas y esperar de ellas una afecto y amor que no pueden dar.
Si queremos que otras personas nos den algo que solo Dios puede dar, nos convertimos en un demonio. Decimos: "¡Ámame!" y antes de que te des cuenta, nos volvemos violentos, exigentes y manipuladores. Es muy importante que sigamos perdonándonos un@s a otr@s, no de vez en cuando, sino en cada momento de la vida. Antes de desayunar, ya has tenido al menos tres oportunidades para perdonar a la gente, porque tu mente ya se está preguntando: "¿Qué pensarán de mí? ¿Qué hará él o ella? ¿Cómo me utilizarán?"
Perdonar a otras personas porque solo pueden darte un poco de amor es una disciplina dura. Seguir pidiendo perdón a los demás porque solo puedes dar un poco de amor, también es una disciplina dura. Duele decirles a tus hijos, a tu esposa o esposo, a tus amigos, que no puedes darles todo lo que te gustaría dar. Aún así, ahí es donde comienza a crearse la comunidad, cuando nos unimos de una manera indulgente y poco exigente.
Aquí es donde entra la celebración, la segunda disciplina de la comunidad. Si puedes perdonar que otra persona no pueda darte lo que solo Dios puede darte, entonces puedes celebrar el regalo de esa persona. Entonces puedes ver el amor que esa persona te está dando como un reflejo del gran amor incondicional de Dios. "Amaos un @s a otr@s porque yo os he amado primero". Cuando hemos conocido ese primer amor, podemos ver el amor que nos viene de las personas como el reflejo de eso. Podemos celebrar eso y decir: "¡Guau, eso es hermoso!
Preguntas semilla para la reflexión: ¿Cómo te relacionas con la conexión entre la disciplina de comunidad y las disciplinas de perdón y celebración? ¿Puedes compartir una historia personal de una vez que pudiste ejercer la disciplina del perdón y la celebración? ¿Qué te ayuda a reconocer el reflejo del amor incondicional supremo en el amor que alguien te da?
Excerpted from here.
SEED QUESTIONS FOR REFLECTION: How do you relate to the connection between the discipline of community and the disciplines of forgiveness and celebration? Can you share a personal story of a time you were able to exercise the discipline of forgiveness and celebration? What helps you recognize the reflection of the ultimate unconditional love in the love that anyone gives you?
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20 Past Reflections
On Sep 15, 2023 Natashia Bonner wrote :
I'm lost...God is number one in my life but so much bad has happened and still happening...I fear I'm not done paying For my sins from before.
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On Feb 23, 2022 Teri wrote :
I live in a world where God is manifest through everybody and everything. I am fine being alone and not in community simply holding space for community to incarnate. My Spiritual Path views Love, Acceptance, and Forgiveness of self and others, along with meditation on the Inner Light and Sound of God to be the path to clearing Karma and going home to the Heart of God.
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On Jun 8, 2021 Phatma wrote :
What helps me recognize the reflection of the ultimate unconditional love in others is the oneness of love from the source that we as souls share...we are each a small particle of the bigger particle...This we are one and the same...if we keep fragmenting...the bigger particle will loss power and beauty!!!
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On Jun 7, 2021 Ruby Grad wrote :
A leader in my spiritual community hurt me deeply once. I idealized the relationship and couldn't see how I made that person feel insecure. So I relied on promises that were made that, in hindsight, I realized weren't made to be kept. And the promises ultimately broken. I was so deeply hurt, I walked away. I even tried to sway others to my side and in some cases was successful. But I deeply felt the lack of that community. With the passage of time, I realized that two people had to be forgiven for me to rejoin and remake the community for myself: the other person and me. The process of forgiving the other person had a lot to do with seeing them more clearly and accepting them. The process of forgiving myself had a lot to do with also seeing myself more clearly and accepting my imperfections. I have rejoined the community, but with firmer boundaries and a commitment to opening my heart when I sense it closing and moving back into old habits and stories.
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On Jun 7, 2021 Lee Ogden wrote :
I was finally, after years of therapy and spiritual practice, able to forgive my mother. Scott Peck's book on evil helped me understand that she was just trying to preserve her own self in the only way she knew. This has been a huge comfort.
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On Mar 30, 2021 as y wrote :
There is forgiveness, but we must receive it. It is like Jesus and the twelve disciples. Jesus actually told the disciple who betrayed him thatit were good for him if that man had not been born. yes, love is available, but we must receive it. Yes only God can forgive. There was one time that my friend hated my post on facebook because it did not align with his values. He said some confusing and mean things and maybe I was confusing and mean to him because of my post. But I forgave him. I was not looking to please others or to depend on others for forgiveness.
1 reply: Kk | Post Your Reply
On Feb 21, 2021 David Hardy wrote :
On forgiveness:
1) Forgiveness is when you set the prisoner free, only to discover that the prisoner was you.
2) Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel of the one who has crushed it.- Mark Twain
3) Anger does more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than on any person on whom it is poured.
4) One of the hardest, yet most liberating things that a person can do is to open their heart and release their right to be angry.
5) Pain is physical and often cannot be avoided. Conversely, suffering is a conscious choice.
6) One cannot experience a sense of community if they are incapable of putting the needs/feelings of others above their own.
Community is found in self-sacrifice.
1) Forgiveness is when you set the prisoner free, only to discover that the prisoner was you.
2) Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel of the one who has crushed it.- Mark Twain
3) Anger does more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than on any person on whom it is poured.
4) One of the hardest, yet most liberating things that a person can do is to open their heart and release their right to be angry.
5) Pain is physical and often cannot be avoided. Conversely, suffering is a conscious choice.
6) One cannot experience a sense of community if they are incapable of putting the needs/feelings of others above their own.
Community is found in self-sacrifice.
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On Jan 28, 2021 Guru Raj wrote :
Very moving lines ...."To forgive other people for being able to give you only a little love -- that’s a hard discipline. To keep asking others for forgiveness because you can give only a little love -- that’s a hard discipline, too."
One of the best Awakinpieces I have read in recent months- Thanks to the creator/author and contributor here - and the Reflections on it which have preceded mine.
Actually, when I am a bit closer to the hub - rarely (thanks to a dynamic solitude) it is hard not to be connected and loving. The difference is stark as i drift to the usual peripheral existence.
One of the best Awakinpieces I have read in recent months- Thanks to the creator/author and contributor here - and the Reflections on it which have preceded mine.
Actually, when I am a bit closer to the hub - rarely (thanks to a dynamic solitude) it is hard not to be connected and loving. The difference is stark as i drift to the usual peripheral existence.
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On Jan 27, 2021 Aaron wrote :
First of all thank you for sharing what is as i see it another of Gods beatiful paradoxes. I find the more I am quiet and take time for silence and solitude the more I attract the higher conciousness of others and those of a higher consciousness, which raises the quality of my interactions and shows me where that community is.
I have always found it painful not being able to share with loved ones the unconditional love I have felt and is given to me from my Higher Self. In solitude I find a community of others that share these human challenges, reminding me of the greater connection we all share in.
Namaste
I have always found it painful not being able to share with loved ones the unconditional love I have felt and is given to me from my Higher Self. In solitude I find a community of others that share these human challenges, reminding me of the greater connection we all share in.
Namaste
1 reply: Amy | Post Your Reply
On Jan 26, 2021 Amy wrote :
This is Brilliant! Monday thru Friday, when I am blessed with at least a half day of solitude, my cup is filled. The weekends are NOT ideal for solitude! (My cup is pretty much empty by noon on Saturdays and Sundays! True Forgiveness and Love are found in God. If I am not allowed ample time for solitude, I am unable to get my Love on! With limited solitude, comes limited forgiveness. YES, holy community does have it's roots in alone time with Him. Amen
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On Jan 26, 2021 Patrick wrote :
Henri is as usual delightful here, and the wonderful image of the dervish too.
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On Jan 26, 2021 Sally Mahe wrote :
Thank you Nipun for this deeply insightful reflection on solitude as heart of communityFor organizations I think it is especially relevant...and yet still so "counter-cultural' in most places to prioritize going to the "hub" of the wheel. Gratitude to Henri Nouwen and to you for sharing this truth.
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On Jan 26, 2021 David Doane wrote :
Forgiveness is letting go of a grievance, getting past it, and relating openly with the other. Celebration is to recognize, honor, and be joyous about forgiveness or whatever. The disciplines of forgiveness and celebration allow and create community. I felt hurt by my best friend, held onto it, distanced from him, and was stubbornly unforgiving for long time, depriving and hurting both of us during that time, probably me more than him. Eventually I saw and accepted that I was very much part of the problem, that I cooperated in making happen what I was so angry at him for, and I forgave him, got past it, and celebrated his being my best friend again. What helps me recognize the reflection is knowing that we are God in human form, and the love anyone gives me is the human expression of the Ultimate Unconditional Love.
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On Jan 22, 2021 Jagdish P Dave wrote :
In the worldly world, we judge people who are outwardly and inwardly different from us and who may have a differentorientation to life. Sadly, such a way of thinkingand behaving has caused divisiveness in our country, in our communities, and also in our close relationships. The thread of common humanity that ties us, bondsus and helps us lift from the lower level of consciousness to the higher level of consciousness is created and sustained when we relate to each other as children of God. We do not run on the many spokes of the wagon but we come to the hub, live in the hub. This way we will be connectedwith all the spokes. This way we relate to ourselves and others in our life. We are human beingsprone to making mistakes. We forgive us and others for making mistakes and celebrate life at the hub. We need to discipline ourselves in order to stay at the hub.
Life offers many opportunities to learn from our mistakes and walk on the right path. We have been watching destructive behaviors o... [View Full Comment]