Seeking To Understand
Buscando entender--por Timber Hawkeye
Mi amiga Julie y su esposo discuten sobre la manera “correcta” de lavar la ropa: él carga la lavadora con ropa sucia, echa un cazo de detergente encima, enciende la máquina y se va. Julie, por otro lado, cree firmemente en iniciar el flujo de agua, verter el jabón y luego agregar la ropa sucia a la mezcla. Ambos quieren el mismo resultado final: ropa limpia, pero lo hacen de manera diferente porque la prioridad de él es el mínimo esfuerzo y hacerlo lo más rápido posible, mientras que la prioridad de Julie es asegurarse de que el jabón se disuelva completamente en el agua antes de agregar la ropa. .
Me recuerda a mi trabajo en la cocina del monasterio, donde a dos miembros del personal de cocina se les pidió que pelaran y cortaran diez libras de zanahorias en tiras pequeñas del tamaño de una cerilla. Les llevó alrededor de cuatro horas, lo que volvió loco al experto en eficiencia que hay en mí. “¿Por qué no usan el procesador de alimentos?” Le pregunté al jefe de cocina: “¡Lo harían en 10 minutos!”. Y me dijo que el objetivo no era hacer el trabajo lo más rápido posible, sino ofrecer a los estudiantes cuatro horas de práctica de atención plena en la cocina.
Mira, lo que no fui capaz de hacer fue contemplar el POR QUÉ detrás de sus instrucciones. El procesador de alimentos habría cortado esas zanahorias en minutos, eso es cierto, pero el jefe de cocina priorizó una práctica meditativa sobre la eficiencia y la conveniencia (nada menos que en un monasterio budista... ¡Imagínate!) ¿Por qué siempre asumimos que sabemos lo que es mejor? Me fui a la sala de meditación y me senté con mi ego hasta que estuvo de acuerdo en jugar limpio. until it agreed to play nice.
Seguro que somos muy buenos a la hora de juzgar lo que la gente hace y cómo lo hace, pero fallamos miserablemente al tratar de entender el POR QUÉ detrás de sus acciones. Cuando compartimos un objetivo similar con alguien pero sus prioridades difieren de las nuestras, sus acciones nos parecen retrógradas, contrarias a la intuición, tontas e incluso “incorrectas”.
Piénsalo: si te sigue irritando alguien que se niega a cambiar, significa que tú también te niegas a cambiar, ¿no? San Francisco de Asís sabía la importancia de buscar comprender en lugar de ser comprendido. Y como no podemos meter en nuestra cabeza la lógica de otras personas usando la nuestra, no critiquemos lo que ni siquiera tratamos de entender, porque una vez que lo entendiéramos, no quedaría nada que criticar.
Adelante, contempla el POR QUÉ detrás de tus propias acciones, y es posible que descubras que tienes eso en común con todos los que te rodean.
La paz interior es el primer paso que podemos dar para vivir en paz con los demás, así que demos ese paso juntos.
Preguntas semilla para la reflexión: ¿Cómo te relacionas con la exhortación de no criticar lo que ni siquiera tratamos de entender? ¿Puedes compartir una historia personal de un momento en que evitaste la tentación de criticar y en su lugar trataste de comprender? ¿Qué te ayuda a mantener el compromiso de comprender el por qué de tus propias acciones y las de los demás?
Timber Hawkeye es autor y entrenador de atención plena.
Timber Hawkeye is an author and a mindfulness coach.
SEED QUESTIONS FOR REFLECTION: How do you relate to the exhortation of not criticizing what we don't even try to understand? Can you share a personal story of a time you avoided the temptation to criticize and instead tried to understand? What helps you remain committed to understanding the why behind your own actions and those of others?
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17 Past Reflections
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On Feb 8, 2022 Amrin wrote :
My experience of the same has been slightly different, when I took time and understood the other and their actions, I realised that there are many people who are ready to threaten the other to get their own benefits met which are meagre in nature. When i understood this, I knew I had to take an action instead of letting this go on. It took me 2-3 years and loss to understand that humans can do that. And it took me long time to see because acting with half knowledge is way more destructing. Understanding before taking actions does cost you in short term, but will benefit in long run.
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On Feb 8, 2022 Cranberry Apple wrote :
Grrrrrrrrrreat message, gives me an idea.
When my critical self starts criticizing.
To tell it “shhhhhhhhh, let’s contemplate insteadâ€.
When my critical self starts criticizing.
To tell it “shhhhhhhhh, let’s contemplate insteadâ€.
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On Feb 8, 2022 Lisa wrote :
The judge in me is always quick to point out a better, faster, or more efficient way of doing most things! Another part of me is the quiet one, who sends me the signal to stop, listen, wait and then respond. I find that I like myself much more when I heed the quiet one rather than the judge, and so do the people around me.
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On Feb 8, 2022 Anilkumar wrote :
Not just finger-prints but the pathways to enlightenment are also infinite, but all lead to the same eternal goal !
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On Feb 4, 2022 David Doane wrote :
I support not criticizing what we don't understand, which means we would criticize very little. When I pay attention, watch, listen, ask questions, am open, and learn, I gain at least some small amount of understanding, which I think is of more value than criticism for everyone involved. I'm not into understanding the why. I don't believe there is a why as in one cause or explanation. I think 'why' is the whole context which can be very big and complex. As Ed Lorenze pointed out, a factor in why a storm happens in New York City is a butterfly flapping its wings in South America. On the biggest level, why something happens is everything that has happened in all of creation. I want to appreciate some of the important factors in the context out of which an action comes. What helps me remain committed to that is my finding it interesting, finding it to be a way to get to know the other, my satisfaction in learning, and the other's satisfaction in being better known.
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On Feb 4, 2022 Jagdish P Dave wrote :
How to build, sustain, and strengen the bridge of relationships between two people with the same goal but different or opposite approaches? This is a big challenge for sustaining and flourishing interpersonal relationships. It is important to understand not only what but more importantly WHY behind the actions. Empathic understanding of each other is the building block of thriving and peaceful relationships. I love Saint Francis of Assisi's words of wisdom when he shows the importance of seeking to understand rather than to be understood.
I love to spend time everyday with my grandson exploring spiritual ways of living life. There are certain ideas of living a spiritual life are basically different from each other. We respectfully differ and listen to each other emapthically and compassionately. This way of relating to each other with an open mind blossoms our relationships. Differences do not create distances between both of us.
I deeply value Viktor Frankle's words of wisdom:... [View Full Comment]
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On Feb 4, 2022 Kristin Pedemonti wrote :
Seeking to understand is how I've always tried to enter every encounter and it has opened up so many meaningful learning experiences and broadened my perspective.
How? Seek to enter conversation asking:
What is the Context?
How can I see and honor Complexities with Curiousity and Compassion?
These encounters happen often, but one particular example came to mind:
An encounter with a woman at a restaurant during the Kavanagh hearings for his potential selection on the US Supreme Court.
Context. We were both dining alone: she looked sad and seemed curious about me. She asked how was I so comfortable dining alone? We struck up conversation, I asked if she wanted to join me. She did. She shared about her recent divorce. I shared Compassion and transparency about my own divorce. Honored the Complexities. She shifted conversation to Kavanagh, very excited about him being considered.
Curiousity/ compassion: I asked what resonated with her about Kavanagh.
She shared. I list... [View Full Comment]