Practice of Being Real

Carol Carnes
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PRACTICAR LA AUTENTICIDAD
Por Carol Carnes

Mostrarse de manera auténtica es una práctica que está muy infravalorada. Nos han enseñado que para obtener la aprobación de los demás tenemos que ofrecer una determinada apariencia. Puede que hayamos caído víctimas de los creadores de imagen que nos dicen cómo vestir, qué colores nos sientan bien y cómo actuar de manera políticamente correcta. La presión que se ejerce para que encajemos es potente, pero rendirse a ella no demuestra mucha conciencia. Las personas que consideramos verdaderamente importantes y a quienes admiramos, aquellas que nos han aportado cosas buenas, son siempre las que no han pasado por ese aro. Son siempre personas de ideas revolucionarias y radicalmente individualistas, pero que a la vez permiten que otras también destaquen.

Shakespeare lo expresó de manera impecable: “sé tú mismo, y de la misma forma que la noche le sigue al día, nadie se verá engañado.” ¡Aquellos que saben quiénes son, no dudan en hacer lo que les toca! Esas personas atraen a otras simplemente con la energía que desprende su presencia y su visión. En eso consiste la madurez espiritual. Lo contrario a eso denota inmadurez psicológica. Cada persona somos seres únicos y lo que tenemos para aportar también es único. Tener miedo a brillar significa negar nuestra naturaleza espiritual.

Dicho esto, ser auténtico no implica que hay que quejarse y cargar la responsabilidad de lo que nos pasa a otras personas. Martin Luther King Jr. no se quejó. Él tuvo una visión y la defendió sin dejar que ahogaran su voz. Eso lo aprendió de Gandhi, sin embargo no le imitó vistiéndose como él ni afeitándose la cabeza. Lo que él aportó al movimiento por la libertad que Gandhi inspiró con tanto éxito, fue su auténtico sentir. Nosotros no somos de una especie diferente a la de esos dos ejemplos tan significativos, pero tenemos que dejar caer nuestra máscara y permitir que nos vean y nos conozcan tal y como verdaderamente somos.

Carol Carnes es profesora del Nuevo Pensamiento, investida ministra en Centros Internacionales para el desarrollo de la Vida Espiritual, que ha viajado por el mundo, ha conocido al Dalai Lama y ha participado en diálogos con otros grupos reducidos de líderes mundiales. Es miembro de la Asociación para el Nuevo Pensamiento Global, y también integrante del Consejo eclesiástico de Pastores en el Morehouse College.

Carol Carnes â€‹is a New Thought teacher, an ordained minister of International Centers for Spiritual Living, a world traveller who has been in the company of HH the Dalai Lama and other world leaders in small group dialogues. She is a member of the Association for Global New Thought and an inductee into the Martin Luther King International chapel Board of Preachers at Morehouse College.

SEED QUESTIONS FOR REFLECTION: What does the practice of being real mean to you? Can you share a personal experience of a time you were not afraid to shine? What helps you avoid falling into the trap of the ego while being true to your voice?

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22 Past Reflections

On Nov 12, 2014 Always wrote :

Monday evenings I teach "Theology of the Body" to teenagers at my church. Week after week, I remind the class NOT to trust their feelings. Instincts, yes . . . feelings, no. "Feelings" react to things/people/circumstances. "Instinct" IS what YOU/ we have to stay level/more proactive/less reactive/logical/in sync with our strengths and CORE.
Case in point: My instinct and prayer directed me to my husband to marry (30 years ago). Had I allowed my feelings to decide my mate, I would today be married to Bob (my boyfriend at 16). Uncontrolled feelings mislead those experiencing and those receiving the rippling effect of the emotion . . . and often puts us in a place we shouldn't be.
Good to read your thoughts Brett. Thank you!

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On Nov 12, 2014 brett wrote :

There is a certain amount of self awareness needed to know what is real. Being "real" is easily confused with permission to be angry from a wounded place and striking out at others since that is your authentic impulse. Having strong emotions is often considered "real" because it's powerful. Some people continually seek out relationships to validate themselves. Some people continually reject affection so they don't feel threatened by intimacy, etc. These are real feelings, but not necessarily healthy ones. So I would say that just because something is real, doesn't mean it's healthy. The work of integrating these parts is the work of becoming truly real. I think the author is assuming that a large part of this has already occured.

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On Nov 11, 2014 Mala Tandan wrote :

I catch myself when I am being 'unreal' by the tightness of my body and the closeness of the mind- as if I will not allow anyone in that ambit ! When I have let go of what I was hanging on to, I feel the space expand inside of me and I know then that is the real me! Everything is possible thereafter...

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On Nov 11, 2014 mrs kamal sujan wrote :

Being real means acceptiing my emotions....even anger, frustrations and other neg emotions in me first ....being aware that each moment what i feel is my own truth and nothing but the truth ....for me ....in the now....and the aware acceptance of
the action that follows this acceptance....

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On Nov 11, 2014 Lfm wrote :

I will never forget the words of my childhood spiritual mentor upon my entering into a committed relationship with my boyfriend. She said, "always remember who you are!"
When I graduated from a Catholic College, Sr. Josephine's (my college advisor) final instruction was to "be who you are."
Mother would, too, offer that I do all things in the way only I know how to do them.
Since each of us is an "original" we out be more true to ourselves. Uniquely, God "packed" us to "do life" in the only way WE can. There are so many "ways" to accomplish the same task. No ONE way is THE absolute correct way, we need to give "our bend" to life. . . Be ourselves.
Since I am the "boss of my body", everyday I have the opportunity to decide to "be me"or "to be "like" someone else." (Additionally, I don't think God meant for us to be anyone other than ourselves.)

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On Nov 11, 2014 Syd wrote :

Realness is a rich conscious life and being real can also be unsettling for me. When I am emotionally honest and real I feel like I antagonize people and I embarrass them. I want to communicate the whole of me, the bad along with the good, doubts along with certainties, yet not all people want to be aware of human incongruities. I feel like others wish I was not so candid about myself. I may feel if it is the authentic thing to do, to reveal myself with directness and be genuine, even at the expense of pain, but others do not like this message. It can distance me from people because my willingness to talk about flaws and irrationalities that appears to be painful and disturbing for people.

My being real can also move me into self-absorption rather than principles. When I get caught into feeling something is missing in my life I want to find the source of my unease. It can cause me to compare myself to others and I will believe others possess qualities I do not have. Other people had better childhoods, better parents, or just better luck. People seem more alive and more whole, better careers, more productive lives, better marriages. The problem is being real can make me over identify with my inner deficiency and my wound.

Gradually over the years I have learned my ego needs this constant support and reinforcement. It needs to compare me to those other people. For example, when I am feeling confused and unanchored to anything permanent within it creates this constant self-questioning and start comparing myself to others. My ego needs this particular identity and then I go off in the impossible task of doing the best it knows how, looking at those people. This creates this fixation that makes me extremely self-conscious and it profoundly cuts me off from any source of identity. So from this I have learned I cannot do anything to be myself or to be real.

Realness is now learning to rest and to become aware of Being itself is my true identity. The more I try to resolve a particular image or even become a particular image the more I lose contact with who I am. Realness is the immediate richness of Being. It is not separate from anything and is learning to genuinely rest, which creates this creative flow. It cannot be otherwise. So to me being real is creating an opening to my hidden depths and simply resting in being true to this identity.

This awareness has both devil and the angel, and I can be sensitive to both. It is now transcending this ego self, a complete letting go, by being true to what IS. The ISNESS is Being real. It is a leap of faith and learning to allow nothing to “stick” in my consciousness. This is edgy, like a walk into nothingness, yet faith is the support and everything emanates from there. So to me, being real is realistic faith and is its own value without reference to anything or anyone.

I need to say, being real is recognizing the miracle of your existence and is the significance of your presence.

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9 replies: Courage, Syd, Me, Syd, Avriane, Syd, Al, Al, Syd | Post Your Reply

On Nov 11, 2014 Jyoti wrote :

Even my best friends tell me that no one our age has natural hair color anymore, and I simply smile and say I'll be a flag-bearer. I hold on to the experience when a little girl came up to touch my hair to tell me that she had only ever seen all white or all black hair, but never seen black and white hair on the same head.

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On Nov 11, 2014 Bradley wrote :

I think we need to be careful not to confuse being "real" with "doing your own thing". Suppose one has very strong beliefs, but they are not those of a kind and compassionate person. Should they be true to themselves? Should they be real?
Being real, or true to oneself, should be coupled with being kind to others. Being real means opening your heart and not being afraid to change. I feel most true to myself when I'm not trying. When I am just being, when I let go of my ego...that's when I'm being real. When I'm serving others without expectations, whether it be through small acts of kindness or just everyday interactions...that's when I'm being <3.

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On Nov 11, 2014 D S Ranga Rao wrote :

Being true to oneself gives enormous self-confidence.

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On Nov 9, 2014 david doane wrote :

Being real is our right and privilege and responsibility. It means being myself, accepting my experience, expressing my truth. What could be more important? To me, that's what it means to carry my cross and lay down my life. And my success in doing all that is limited. I'm often self-conscious and concerned about someone being upset by my truth, and I hold back and don't be real, I'm sad to say. I often don't avoid falling into the trap of the ego. Sometimes I'm not afraid to "shine," such as in these Awakin posts -- perhaps the anonymity makes it easier for me. When I am real, I feel great. Being real is its own reward. Sometimes being real really is dangerous, but usually it's well worth the risk. I hope to expand into being real much more often. I think it helps me to keep reminding myself that I have the right to say my truth and be my real self. I'm being real more often -- it's the struggle of my... [View Full Comment]

1 reply: Amy | Post Your Reply

On Nov 7, 2014 Kristin Pedemonti wrote :

Being real means being true to oneself, one's heart. For me that means sharing my heart with others, offering FREE HUGS to strangers, telling Stories, learning Stories, being curious, being whimsical, being serious, being open minded and open hearted.I feel fortunate that I have allowed myself to be who I am for quite a long time. This came from growing up in a difficult household, my father suffered from severe clinical depression and tried to kill himself several times, he died when I was 22. My father was never allowed to shine. He never figured out How to shine. My mother has anxiety, she is so concerned about what others think, it completely incapacitates her. My brother turned to alcohol for comfort. I turned to Theatre. And in doing so discovered a place to Shine. To become and learn and grown and BE. I carry my bubbles and FREE HUGS sign with pride. I am a Storyteller who serves others to shine and share their stories. I am GRATEFUL. What helps me to stay true to myself ... [View Full Comment]