The Liminal Space
Spațiul intermediar--by Heather Platt
Ce faci atunci când un prieten și-a pierdut copilul și nu îi poți ușura suferința? Sau atunci când partenerul tău de viața își pierde locul de munca și nu îi poți îndrepta situația? Dar atunci când un client trebuie să ia o decizie importantă, iar tu nu o poți lua pentru el? Sau atunci când comunitatea din jurul unei biserici decide să-și închidă porțile și se poate vedea regretul pe chipul tuturor? Sau atunci când membrii grupului pe care îl facilitezi sunt în conflict și nu pot găsi ieșirea salvatoare?
Deși te simți implicat în toate aceste situații, deznodământul lor este dincolo de responsabilitatea ta și în afara controlului tău.
În cel mai bun caz ceea ce poți face este să susții spațiul pentru cei implicați.
Totul începe în spațiul intermediar...
Spațiul dintre povești este spațiul intermediar. În domeniul antropologiei, spațiul liminal este un prag, un loc de tranziție, de ambiguitate sau confuzie, ce apare în etapele de mijloc ale ritualurilor, atunci când participanții au ieșit din starea inițială, pre-ritualică, dar nu au făcut încă trecerea către stadiul pe care îl vor ocupa atunci când ritualul va lua sfârșit. În spațiul liminal ne situăm între identități, între cei care eram odinioară și cei care vom deveni, asemenea crisalidei, etapă intermediară între omidă și fluture.
Doliu, transformare, pierdere, naștere, divorț, traumă, șomaj, faliment, căsătorie, trădare, relocare, absolvire, conflict - aproape toate experiențele umane conțin elemente ale spațiului intermediar. Acesta este un loc al inimilor deschise, când suntem sensibili, vulnerabili și expuși. Pentru a nu suferi și mai mult, avem nevoie de un lăcaș protejat, ce ne va conține cu blândețe și putere, fără a ne întrerupe sau forța transformarea pe căi greșite.
A (con)ține spațiul nu este ușor și ne poate face să ne simțim lipsiți de putere. Ne dorim mult să reparăm lucrurile, să dăm sfaturi bune, să controlăm deznodământul sau să evităm cu totul dialogul pe aceste teme.
Pentru a conține spațiul pentru alții, trebuie mai întâi să învățăm să ținem spațiul pentru noi înșine. Când neglijăm propriile nevoi, riscăm burnout-ul, dependența sau alte mecanisme de coping nesănătoase.
A conține spațiul este ceea ce facem în spațiul intermediar, când ne alăturăm unei alte persoane (sau nouă înșine), pentru a ne însoți într-o călătorie fără a critica, repara, diminua sau modela rezultatul. Le oferim suport necondiționat, compasiune și o blândă însoțire prin susținerea spațiului pentru ceilalți și protejarea spațiului propriu.
Întrebări pentru reflecție: Cum sunteți cu ideea de spațiu de tranziție și nevoia noastra de a fi conținuți atunci când suntem în acest proces? Ați putea împărtăși amintirea unui moment când ați (con)ținut spațiul? Ce vă ajută să țineți spațiul pentru aceia care, ca voi, se află în spații intermediare?
Sourced from here.
SEED QUESTIONS FOR REFLECTION: How do you relate to the notion of liminal space and our need to be held when in that space? Can you share a personal story of holding space? What helps you recognize and hold space for those, including yourself, in liminal spaces?
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18 Past Reflections
On Jul 19, 2023 Paul Fillinger wrote :
That nailed it for me. I seem to be in a liminal space. I'll try to walk alongside myself and listen and be comforting and accept what is as my journey, a new journey and the best journey for everyone.
Thank you for introducing me to the liminal space.
Thank you for introducing me to the liminal space.
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On Jul 18, 2023 Mary Thomson wrote :
As a nurse I was able to hold space for people I all kinds of liminal situations/space. I was consciously available for this as well.
Being kind and generous in the attention I give to others is really important to me. I have a friend who is a nurse too and we worked together with families in the community for a long while. When I became very unwell for a period of time she’ showed up every few days after work to bring me food, do some dishes and hold space for me as I experienced the liminal space of transitioning from decades of stored trauma to beginning to talk about it. This has helped me to gradually release the hold this had on my body ( always held in a state of tension and preparedness). I am so grateful to her. She never said I had told her things when I found myself repeating myself. She listened and cried with me. What a generous gift of love and kindness she showed me. 🙏💛
Being kind and generous in the attention I give to others is really important to me. I have a friend who is a nurse too and we worked together with families in the community for a long while. When I became very unwell for a period of time she’ showed up every few days after work to bring me food, do some dishes and hold space for me as I experienced the liminal space of transitioning from decades of stored trauma to beginning to talk about it. This has helped me to gradually release the hold this had on my body ( always held in a state of tension and preparedness). I am so grateful to her. She never said I had told her things when I found myself repeating myself. She listened and cried with me. What a generous gift of love and kindness she showed me. 🙏💛
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On Feb 25, 2020 MARIA DEL REFUGIO SANDOVAL OLIVAS wrote :
El espacio liminal lo vivimos a diario. Cuando nos enteramos de una noticia que trastoca a nuestra sociedad, cuando vemos a una persona en duelo, a una madre con las responsabilidades de crear una familia sola, a los niños en la calle, a ancianos abandonados, a una persona sin hogar, alquien que cae en las drogas.
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On Feb 21, 2020 Deborah Watson wrote :
Thank you for this. My sister has been seeking a new job for almost 9 months now and I see the toll it is taking on her. I find myself taking on her depression and helplessness. I realize this is no way to “help” her. Peace to all.
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On Feb 20, 2020 RUBY wrote :
Well, when i see things around in my world in a helpless state and ugly, i become depressed and helpless. For example, the muslim terrorist shah ruk khan makes a lot of money in bolleywood, but that depresses me to the point to think how duimb Indians can be to promote an enemy of your own country. Idiot indians!!!
1 reply: Ruby | Post Your Reply
On Feb 20, 2020 Del wrote :
Connecting to the space helps guide us to the truth in the synthesis.
1 reply: Ruby | Post Your Reply
On Feb 19, 2020 Manisha wrote :
What to say in difficult times is always a question. But its not that difficult to hold someone hands and let him/her know that you are there. Probably you can't do anything to reduce their pain but being there itself is great deal. Recently someone lost her child and there is nothing you can say to console a mother. But time is great healer and with the time people forget the pain or you can say they will learn how to ignore that pain. In this journey standing by with them is the only thing you can do.
Same theory applies to us when we are in pain. Just be there and keep reminding ourselves that time keep of changing. Good or bad it will change so hold on until then.
Same theory applies to us when we are in pain. Just be there and keep reminding ourselves that time keep of changing. Good or bad it will change so hold on until then.
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On Feb 18, 2020 Chris wrote :
Thanks for a wonderful post, liminal space is a new concept for me and it came to me at just the right time. Thanks also to all the people who posted insightful and open hearted comments, you're beautiful!
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On Feb 18, 2020 Gururaj wrote :
When I 'hold' the space rightly am I allowing something beyond my habitual response to 'inform' me ?
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On Feb 18, 2020 aj wrote :
"Learning to care and not carry", David, grabbed my focus. Allowing presence, ear, love, time ... to be enough in in this phase difficult sometimes. Your words a very good reminder!
Amen to Maria's ... "When we try to help, and from a good place, it doesn’t allow the other to go through life’s struggles, learn and become strong and wise because of them." (Yes, yes, yes! We are who we are, in great part, by how we'veOVERCOME thorns in life.)
So much to ponder here! Thank you!
Amen to Maria's ... "When we try to help, and from a good place, it doesn’t allow the other to go through life’s struggles, learn and become strong and wise because of them." (Yes, yes, yes! We are who we are, in great part, by how we'veOVERCOME thorns in life.)
So much to ponder here! Thank you!
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On Feb 18, 2020 maria wrote :
When you become aware of another in a dilemma of some kind and for them it’s so heavy they can only naturally share some burden so as to ease the load. Not always do they want advice and direction. Yet we can so easily jump in to dosomething to help them, by not just listening and allowing them to vent of this weighted burden, we then start to speak, we advice, criticiseadd our opinions, thinking we are helping, but we are blocking the other persons flow and only keep the unhealthy fire burning by adding some fuel. Even if a situation arose that you knew the person was in conflict with, but never discussed it or addressed there even was a issue or conflict happening.
it is so easy to offer advice, an therefore stop the natural flow.
when we try to help, and from a good place, it doesn’t allow the other to go through life’s struggles, learn and become strong and wise because of them.
to help a butterfly from its chrysalis during its brief struggle to get out, would onl... [View Full Comment]
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On Feb 18, 2020 Sunil Mor, Bangalore wrote :
Heartfelt compassion and empathy by stepping in the shoes of the affected may be the starting point.Within our own big joint family crisis maintaining equanimity was the key for resolution. Purification of head,heart and soul thru mindful meditation helps.
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On Feb 17, 2020 Jayendra Shah wrote :
Thanks for sharing this post - providing a special name and context when we face such situation. We are tempted to get out of this space not knowing how to do that. Now we can remind us that we are in Liminal space and all we need to do is just hold the space.
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On Feb 15, 2020 David Doane wrote :
We're always in liminal space, sometimes more profoundly than others, sometimes willingly and sometimes unwillingly. It probably helps to be held when struggling in that space. We can never control outcome, but we can be a container by being present in such a way as to provide some safety, care, respect, and support. Holding space becomes more easy the more we do it. It doesn't make us feel powerless -- we're always powerless to change the other. We don't have to anything, for self or others -- we can hold space for self, which is to take care of self, including while holding space for another, which usually helps. When I am present, listening, caring, not judging, not controlling, I am holding space for and with another. What helps me recognize and hold space is knowing how important it is, learning to care and not carry, knowing how to share what I am experiencing in a non-demanding, non-critical, honest and open way, and being supportive of the other being himself or... [View Full Comment]
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On Feb 14, 2020 Jagdish P Dave wrote :
We all go though ups and down in our life, feeling high and feeling low, elevatedand depressed. There have been times in my life when I did not know which way to go. The outcomes were beyond my control. The best way for me was to hold space-the liminal space, with non-judgmental mindfulness, and open and tender heartedness. I needed such empathic and compassionate support for me to hold me. It was my responsibility to hold me in that liminal space. I did not feel alone. A deeper loving and compassionate part of myself held me to go through the difficult times of my life. My personal experience has taught me how to provide such liminal space to others when they go through agonizing and painful experiencesin their lives. These are the times when I feel
the other is me. I feel deep empathy for the other.
As a teacher and a counselor, I often encounter such situations when my
students and clients feel stuck in no-exit condition. They feel lost not knowing what to do. These are thee times ... [View Full Comment]