Staying In Your Own Business
अपने आपके व्यवसाय में रहनाइस दुनिया में मुझे केवल तीन प्रकार के व्यवसाय दिखाई देते है| मेरा, आपका और ईश्वर का| मेरे लिए ईश्वर का मतलब वास्तविकता है| वास्तविकता ही ईश्वर है, क्योंकी वही शासन करती है| कुछ भी जो मेरे नियंत्रण से बहार है, आपके नियंत्रण से बहार है और किसी अन्य के नियंत्रण से बहार है - में उसको ईश्वर का व्यवसाय मानती हुँ|
हमें ज्यादातर तनाव मानसिक रूप से अपने व्यवसाय से बहार रहने पर आता है| जब में सोचती हुँ "तुम्हे नौकरी लेनी चाहिए, में तुम्हे खुश देखना चाहती हुँ, तुम्हे समय पर आना चाहिए, तुम्हे अपना बेहतर ख्याल रखना चाहिए" तब में तुम्हारे व्यवसाय में हुँ| जब में भूकंप, बाढ़, युद्ध या तो फिर में कब मरने वाला हुँ, इसके बारे में सोचती हुँ तो में ईश्वर के व्यवसाय में हुँ| जब में मानसिक रूप से तुम्हारे या ईश्वर के व्यवसाय में होती हुँ तो उसका परिणाम जुदाई है|
मेने १९८६ में इस पर ध्यान दिया था| जब में मानसिक रूप से अपनी माँ के व्यवसाय में चली गयी थी, उदाहरण के तोर पर, एक विचार जैसे की "मेरी माँ ने मुझे समझना चाहिए" ये सोचते ही मेने तुरंत अकेलेपन को महसूस किया| मुझे यह अहसास हुआ की मेरी ज़िन्दगी में जब भी मुझे अकेलेपन या चोट का अनुभव होता है तो में किसी और के व्यवसाय में होती हुँ|
अगर आप अपनी ज़िन्दगी जी रहे हो और अगर में मानसिक रूप से आपकी ज़िन्दगी जी रही हुँ तो यहाँ मेरी ज़िन्दगी कौन जी रहा है? हम दोनों वहाँ है| मानसिक रूप से आपके व्यवसाय में होने से में वर्तमान में अपने आप में नहीं रह पाती| में अपने आप से अलग हो जाती हुँ और सोचती हुँ की मेरी ज़िन्दगी क्यों चल नहीं रही| यह सोचना की में सबके लिए अच्छा क्या है यह जानती हुँ - अपने आप के व्यवसाय से दूर रहने के बराबर है| प्रेम के नाम पर भी यह एक अज्ञानता है| क्या में यह जानती हुँ के मेरे लिए सही क्या है? वही मेरा व्यवसाय है| आपके पास आकर आपकी मुश्केलियो को हल करने से पहले मुज़े अपने व्यवसाय पर काम करने दीजिये| अगर आप तीन प्रकार के व्यवसाय को समझकर अपने व्यवसाय में बने रह सकते हो तो आपकी ज़िन्दगी आपने सोचा भी न हो उस तरह से मुक्त हो जाएगी|
अगली बार आप जब तनाव या निराशा का अनुभव करते हो तब अपने आप को पूछिये की आप मानसिक रूप से किसके व्यवसाय में हो और तब शायद आपको ज़ोर से हसी आ जाएगी| वह प्रश्न आपको अपने पास वापस ला सकता है| और आपको यह महसूस हो सकता है की आप कभी भी वर्तमान में नहीं थे, की आप ज्यादातर मानसिक रूप से किसी और के व्यवसाय में ही जी रहे थे| इस पर ध्यान देना की आप किसी और के व्यवसाय में जी रहे है, यह कई बार आपको आपके पास वापस ले आता है| और आप अगर कुछ समय तक इसका अभ्यास करेंगे, तो आपको समज़ में आएगा की आपके पास भी कोई व्यवसाय नहीं है पर आपकी ज़िन्दगी अपने आप ही पूरी तरह से अच्छी चल रही है|
बायरन केटी
विचार के लिए कुछ प्रश्न: अपने व्यवसाय में रहने का मतलब आप क्या समज़ते है? क्या आप कोई अपना अनुभव बता सकते है जब आपको यह जानकर की आप अपने व्यवसाय से अलग हो, कोई अंतःज्ञान प्राप्त हुआ हो? मानसिक रूप से किसी और के व्यवसाय में न रहने की जागरूकता को हम कैसे विकसित कर सकते है?
SEED QUESTIONS FOR REFLECTION: What does staying in your own business mean to you? Can you share an experience of a time when you gained insights from realizing you had strayed from your own business? How do we develop the awareness needed to avoid mentally living someone else's life?
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86 Past Reflections
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On Jul 21, 2014 Akshay Sadana, NJ wrote :
1 reply: Amy | Post Your Reply
On Jun 18, 2014 MaryJo wrote :
Several people have commented that this philosophy is selfish and uncaring to others' problems. For me, however, staying in my own business frees me from judgment and allows me to meet others with more, not less, potential for true relationship. The truly enlightened spiritual gurus practice total detachment and they exude warmth and kindness to everyone. Staying out of others' and God's business releases expectations and creates space for healthy connection and respect for every other human being. When you practice this philosophy, everyone on this planet becomes your business, but "by invitation only" . That makes a huge difference.
4 replies: Bill, Satyagrahi, Sis, Always | Post Your Reply
On May 26, 2014 Sis Asha wrote :
Peace and Love from Asha! I have discussed this before in my spiritual circle. Most got upset. Most felt that it is OK to get into the business of their loved one. It is important to first erase our belief system before one can accept this very important aspect of spiritual thinking to set you free from the feeling of 'HEAVY'.
3 replies: Sanjiv, Anantharaman, Sis | Post Your Reply
On May 25, 2014 Wilfred wrote :
Knowing self is more important. In a day we spend most of our time in thinking about others and speaking about others and we fail to think about ourselves. God is with us at all time. It not right forgetting our own life purpose and talking about others. we should know the real purpose of our life with God's plan for us there by we can fullfeel God's , Our and Others business.
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On May 24, 2014 LD wrote :
To me this means simply, that we cannot control other people's thoughts, actions or words; nor can we make assumptions about the intentions of their thoughts, actions or words. When we make assumptions or judgements about others, and how their words or actions relate to us, we are likely to suffer. The only "control" we have in life is that of our own thoughts, behaviors, etc.
2 replies: Mark, Peter | Post Your Reply
On May 22, 2014 ANANTHARAMAN wrote :
I feel it is not about staying in your own business. As long as you accept the other's business or even god's business as your own business and deal with the issues without being judgemental, and with full committment, and responsibility, there is no distress or disharmony. It is a matter of owning up and life flows. It is part of growing up to be a leader.
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On May 21, 2014 shilpi wrote :
Does this make you selfish? Arent you doing this sometimes out of love and care and concern?
1 reply: Mark | Post Your Reply
On May 21, 2014 TD wrote :
1 reply: Bill | Post Your Reply
On May 21, 2014 Matt wrote :
In early recovery I found out that I was an emotional enmesher, I lived others ups and downs, wins and losses, felt their pain and suffering and basically was an exposed nerve with no healthy boundaries. It's good to know your motivating factors and even though you may be trying to help you could still be compromising their integrity. As a healer in recovery, we go into engines that are hot and running, and we are building the plane while it is flying, bringing everyone home with a safe landing is the mark of our craft. Peace, Matt
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On May 20, 2014 SANJIV BHALLA wrote :
Why people keen to have others problems and least bother abut their own problems . It gives pleseant and soothing effect to the heart of course if one take initiative to solve others problem , giving backseat to his own problem . But if you are living on others dream ,it is not practical be yourself .
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On May 20, 2014 satyagrahi wrote :
If we only focus on cleaning ourselves and leaving the rest to God, we will have the situation in India where every home is clean and the outside is an incredible mess. We can pollute the Ganga because its God's business to clean it.
There is 'our' business and there is also the overlap in our individual business. Also, there are extroverts who improve by getting feedback from the 'sangha'. Yes, there are yoga practioners who practice and improve on their own. But many find it better to go to a class, get feedback, watch others, make friends, share, comment, ... and improve yoga thru interaction. Often, someone who find it 'their' business to comment on mine, help me grow and learn (even if the feedback is often negative or negatively given). I have found it difficult to work only on myself, by myself.
Service does give me a path, and sangha gives me enormous support and courage.
3 replies: David, Av, Geneviève | Post Your Reply
On May 20, 2014 Annie wrote :
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On May 20, 2014 Mark C. Williams wrote :
What would the Buddha say? The four noble truths, the eight fold path, the 5 or 8 precepts, all of these are for a single person to understand and practice. You can't self-clean by involving yourself in others. Many of the reflections here from others just get me more confused. It's rather simple, though like AA, it's hard to practice: stay in your business. Yes, it's simple and what? Do you really know more than the Buddha or Jesus? Do you have a better way?
2 replies: Syd, Satyagrahi | Post Your Reply
On May 20, 2014 Peter wrote :
Balance. I'm sorry Byron. Though I think I understand the point quite well, and though it may work for you (though I'm not sure why you would be here concerning yourself with the business of others if you totally believe what you say) and I do see some truth in what you say, I think balance is the key. We don't live alone nor just for ourselves, though many self-help gurus would encourages us otherwise. Should a mother not be concerned about her daughter's abusive boyfriend? Should she not say something? Should Annie not sacrifice to care for her Dad who has cancer? Certainly there is value in being able to recognize the difference in whose business you're stressing over, but it is indeed simplistic to think we should just be in our own.
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On May 20, 2014 Bonnie wrote :
2 replies: Kit, Marietta | Post Your Reply
On May 20, 2014 Monkeymind Salin wrote :
Everything would be fine if all of you would only accept God and do what I say.
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On May 20, 2014 juge wrote :
When I am aligned and feel myself as being part of the Whole,life is beautiful. No expectation, no worries, no fear... As soon as I build a fence between myself and the others or in contrary if I project myself in the others, everything get wrong...Trying to be in consciousness...
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On May 20, 2014 MK Mueller wrote :
I wrote a process for my own recovery from codependence 25 years ago, and this teaching from Katie was pivotal to the process. The 3rd "High-Way" of 8 to Great is Full Responsibility. Now we have over 2000 trainers teaching this powerful concept that "I'm in charge of my life, I'm not in charge of yours" in schools and businesses around the world. Thank you Katie for changing our lives with your simple wisdom!
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On May 20, 2014 angela wrote :
2 replies: Blessings, Peter | Post Your Reply
On May 20, 2014 abby wrote :
I was married to a man for 30 years and we were always in each others business instead of our own. I was so dependent that I needed to know what he was thinking, if he loved me, was he seeing someone else, was I thin enough for him, etc. He, on the other hand, was in the business of improving me - I should be thinner, I should do this to the kids, I should know what he wants, I should be there for him, etc. I woke up one day to this relationship that had no selves and had to leave. Each day I work on myself in order to be able to give and see and care the right way about the reality and others.
2 replies: David, Jo | Post Your Reply
On May 20, 2014 Jayanti wrote :
there is relative business and ultimate business, just as there is relative truth and ultimate truth. Focusing on 'my business' allows me to bring more to 'your business' if required and appropriate, knowing and familiir with what is ultimately true in 'my business', which comes down to two basic things, there is this life here now, and the I knows absolutely nothing. This means we can flow between the two poles on the continuum which says 'we are in this world but not of it' with love
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On May 20, 2014 Annie wrote :
I left my own business and has caused me problems at home financially and emotionally, I have been giving it all to my my dad's business, I wish I could leave my dad's business but I can't , I been living his illness since we found out he had terminal cancer, I am his only daughter. someone has to take care of him in everyway, I am not 100% in my own business and I feel exhausted. it's a hard one. how do I cope with this?
4 replies: David, Syd, Carlyn, Anne | Post Your Reply
On May 19, 2014 mugdha wrote :
How simple it appears now to me the key of happiness when in reality I don't think it is clear enough. Keeping my own business then would mean to me to be free of all the worldly associations one has, otherwise, somehow or the other, other's businesses will certainly cross paths with mine or vice-versa.
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On May 19, 2014 aj wrote :
I am hearing the author perfectly. In trying to understand and support a friend, I have left my own business. My personal anchor (with each person I aid) becomes less rooted in the sand.
I am always late! The only thing I hope not to be "late" for would be Jesus' call. (This I pray.) I have so many "irons in the fire". Too many dependent elders. Children needing hope, love, support, encouragement and someone to say, "I believe in YOU"!
Please pardon my tardiness. (I would rather be late and present than not present at all).
Too, let me say, JC loves you and so do I.
PS. For complete understanding, I go to God. He KNOWS you like no other.
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On May 18, 2014 david doane wrote :
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On May 17, 2014 Abhishek wrote :
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On May 16, 2014 rahul wrote :
This reminds me of the classic 'circle of influence' and 'circle of concern' which is always a superset of the first. Our greatest power is always in our circle of influence, but we often discount the tremendous ripple power of authentically inhabiting that limiting circle. As the Servicespace ecosystem often says, "Change yourself, change the world."
1 reply: Kristin | Post Your Reply