From Transaction To Trust
सौदेबाजी से विश्वास की तरफ - मार्क मैनसन के द्वारा
जीवन में सबसे कीमती और महत्वपूर्ण चीजें, परिभाषा के अनुसार, गैर-सौदेबाज़ी वाली हैं । और उनके लिए सौदेबाजी करने की कोशिश करना उन्हें तुरंत नष्ट करना है। आप खुशी के लिए योजना नहीं बना सकते; यह असंभव है। लेकिन अक्सर हम ऐसा ही करने की कोशिश करते हैं, खासकर जब हम स्वयं-सहायता और अन्य व्यक्तिगत विकास हेतु सलाह लेते हैं - तब वे अनिवार्य रूप से कह रहे हैं, "मुझे खेल के नियम बताएँ जो मुझे खेलना है और मैं इसे खेलूंगा," और इस दौरान यह महसूस न करना, कि ऐसा सोचना कि खुशी के नियम हैं, यह ही उन्हें खुश होने से रोक रहा है।
हालाँकि वह लोग जो सौदेबाजी और नियमों के माध्यम से जीवन का संचालन करते हैं, वे भौतिक दुनिया में दूर तक जाते हैं, लेकिन वे अपनी भावनात्मक दुनिया में अपंग और अकेले रहते हैं। ऐसा इसलिए है क्योंकि लेन-देन के मूल्य उन रिश्तों को बनाते हैं जो हेरफेर पर निर्मित होते हैं।
वयस्कों को यह दिखाने की आवश्यकता है कि सौदेबाजी एक कभी न खत्म होने वाली ट्रेडमिल जैसा है, जीवन में वास्तविक मूल्य और मायने की चीजें बिना किसी शर्त या लेन-देन के हासिल की जाती हैं। इसके लिए अच्छे माता-पिता और शिक्षकों से अपेक्षित है कि वे किशोरों की सौदेबाजी के आगे न झुकें। ऐसा करने का सबसे अच्छा तरीका, निश्चित रूप से, खुद शर्तरहित रहने का उदहारण दिखाना है। किसी किशोर को विश्वास सिखाने का सबसे अच्छा तरीका है उस पर विश्वास करना। किशोर को सम्मान सिखाने का सबसे अच्छा तरीका है उसका सम्मान करना। किसी को प्यार सीखाने का सबसे अच्छा तरीका उसे प्यार करना है। और आप उसे प्यार या विश्वास या सम्मान के लिए मजबूर नहीं करते हैं - आखिरकार, यह उन चीजों को सशर्त बना देगा - आप बस उन्हें दे देंगे, यह समझकर कि किसी बिंदु पर, किशोर की सौदेबाजी विफल हो जाएगी, और जब वह तैयार हो, वह शर्तरहित होने के मूल्य को समझ जाएगा।
बिना शर्त कार्य करना मुश्किल है। आप किसी ऐसे व्यक्ति से प्यार करते हैं जिसे आप जानते हैं कि बदले में आपको प्यार नहीं कर सकता, लेकिन आप तब भी उसे प्यार करते हैं। आप किसी पर भरोसा करते हैं, भले ही आपको एहसास हो कि आप चोटिल हो सकते हैं या कुछ नुकसान हो सकता हैं। ऐसा इसलिए है क्योंकि बिना शर्त काम करने के लिए कुछ हद तक विश्वास की आवश्यकता होती है - विश्वास कि यह सही काम है भले ही इसके परिणाम वह न हों जो आप उम्मीद करते हैं।
मनन के लिए प्रश्न: आप इस धारणा से कैसे सम्बद्ध हैं कि बिना शर्त कार्य करने के लिए कुछ हद तक विश्वास की आवश्यकता होती है? क्या आप किसी ऐसे समय की की व्यक्तिगत कहानी साझा कर सकते हैं जब शर्तरहित होने से आपके जीवन में समझ के नए रास्ते खुले हों ? सौदेबाजी से विश्वास की ओर बढ़ने में आपको क्या मदद करता है?
Mark Manson is a best-selling author.
SEED QUESTIONS FOR REFLECTION: How do you relate to the notion that acting unconditionally requires some degree of faith? Can you share a personal story of a time unconditionality opened up new avenues of understanding in your life? What helps you shift from transaction to trust?
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9 Past Reflections
On Jun 3, 2020 Pia wrote :
I agree that acting unconditionally requires faith but I feel at certain times unconditionality works and at others its ok to have some degree of expectations from a relationship. For example in a marriage, you expect your partner to treat you with respect. They won't necessarily behave how you want them to all the time and we should allow them the freedom to live their own paths but in doing so I would expect respect. If they are harmful to us in any way, then I wouldn't agree with still giving respect from our side. This may not be the right way but I feel each situation is different and has to be considered separately. There are times when we have to behave with trust and continue to love//respect/give without expectations, but not always.
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On Jun 3, 2020 Shyam Gupta wrote :
We all want happiness , but are looking for it at the wrong places and through the wrong means. We want to purchase happiness, thinking its transactional. We start bringing transactionality even in our close relations , many times manipulating relationships to seek happiness.
True happiness is non transactional and it is an outcome of unconditional loving and unconditional trust in the process of nature. We love unconditionally and we trust unconditionally. Yes we may get frustrated at times when we are not loved back or when our trust gets broken . We need to have faith in the law and process of nature and make our best effort in loving and trusting unconditionally for their is no other way to find happiness and joy.
True happiness is non transactional and it is an outcome of unconditional loving and unconditional trust in the process of nature. We love unconditionally and we trust unconditionally. Yes we may get frustrated at times when we are not loved back or when our trust gets broken . We need to have faith in the law and process of nature and make our best effort in loving and trusting unconditionally for their is no other way to find happiness and joy.
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On Jun 2, 2020 Pankaj Mehra wrote :
"Unconditional"- Just a 'word' - easy to read & write but understand. In this fast paced & materialistic world, where all human emotional might seem transactional, there is definitely some small part of ours within, which still is unconditional. It's just, that part doesn't show its face to the world, mostly because it has fear of losing in transactions. Fear of getting emotionally, socially, financially getting hurt & lost. The moment we are ready to let go the win, the ego, we would definitely see that side of unconditional coming up more often. It's tough, I know, but still worth giving a try..
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On Jun 2, 2020 sammy wrote :
Um, no. Everything in human relating is, ultimately, transactional. And that's a good thing; it's not manipulative at all. Everything action we take on earth creates an energetic exchange. All of it, thoughts, words, deeds. Nothing can be extracted from the exchange of energy.
Succumb to an adolescent's bargaining? Why not engage the adolescent wisely? Hear them out? Teach them how to skillfully engage? It's not succumbing to listen carefully and give their words value.
We rely on grace and aspiration, love and kindness. Those are transactions that take place on a plane beyond human. Transactions go far beyond what can be weighed, measured, or bargained.We give and experience the joy of giving. That's a transaction. We try to do the right thing. That's a transaction, even if the people involved haven't negotiated it. These types of transactionsunfold in multiple dimensions. And trust cannot, and should not, continue if you continually get hurt or screwed o... [View Full Comment]
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On Jun 2, 2020 yvonne wrote :
It is not until our trust...the trust that has been corroded....by wounds unexpressed....can find that solvent....that erases all the rust...and our trust can then be shared with others because we know it is on solid ground.....until then...we will keep being stuck as in a revolving door...continuing to repeat and push our wounds out to whoever we connect with....when you begin to understand how loved you are....all else melts away,....you cannot give this to another.....but you can pray in trust that it will become ,..one single entirety.....
1 reply: Amy | Post Your Reply
On May 31, 2020 David Doane wrote :
For me, acting unconditionally means acting that is the honest, open, and caring response to what is happening without trying to control, create, or prevent outcome. It's not manipulative or goal-directed. It's free of bargaining, rules, and agenda. As I see it, it is the highest form of acting. I am in control of whether I act unconditionally; I can't control outcome. Acting unconditionally requires faith that it is best for me and others and it is the best contribution I can make to a favorable outcome I learned that many years ago. My mantra and focus became process, not outcome; that is, unconditional acting and hope for the best. I definitely don't always act that way, but what helps me shift from transaction to trust is that it is its own reward when I am true to myself, it gives me satisfaction and peace, and often the outcome is good.
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On May 30, 2020 Jagdish P Dave wrote :
Mark Mason's article from Transaction ToTrust made me think deeply. Conditional relationships are transactional relationships. They are bargainingrelationships. They are deal making relationships. Such relationships are normal in the material or worldly world. We may have the same kind of conditional mindset in our personal and interpersonal relationships. Such mindset is based on the following equation: If only when you do this thing for me or if only when I get this then I will be with you. We all know that such a mindset may bring achievement or gratification for a while. Loving relationships are not founded on if when and then equation. They are unconditional. The foundation of such relationships is unshakable trust or faith.Without faith there is no true and enduring love.
I was blessed to have people in my life who mostly related to me unconditionally. The early childhood experiences of unconditional love have built a solid foundation for my personality development. It is my ... [View Full Comment]