Organic Gift
चेतन उपहार-- पार्कर पामर (११ नवंबर, २०१५)
सालों पहले, मैंने डोरोथी डे को बोलते सुना। कैथोलिक कार्यकर्ता आंदोलन की संस्थापिका, न्यूयॉर्क के लोअर ईस्ट साइड पर गरीबों के बीच रहने की उनकी दीर्घकालिक प्रतिबद्धता ने उन्हें मेरे लिए एक अनुकरणीय व्यक्ति बना दिया था। इसलिए उनके भाषण के दौरान जब मैंने उन्हें “'कृतघ्न गरीब” के बारे में बोलते सुना तो मुझे बहुत गहरा झटका लगा।
जब तक इस बात ने मुझ पर एक जेन कोआन की तरह प्रहार नही किया, मैं समझ नही पाया कि ऐसी उपेक्षापूर्ण बात ऐसे संत के मूँह से कैसे निकल सकती है। डोरोथी डे कह रहीं थीं, “गरीबों को यह कुछ समझ कर न दें कि बदले में आपको उनका आभार मिलेगा ताकि आप अपने बारे में अच्छा महसूस कर सकें। अगर आप ऐसा करते हैं, तो आपका देना कम और अल्प-कालिक होगा, और गरीबों को उसकी ज़रूरत नहीं है; उससे वो और गरीब हो जाएंगे। तभी दो अगर आपके पास देने के लिए ऐसा कुछ है जो आप ज़रूर देना चाहते हैं; तभी दो अगर आप ऐसे व्यक्ति हो जिसके लिए कुछ देना अपने आप में एक प्रतिफल है।”
जब मैं ऐसा कुछ देता हूँ जिसपर मेरा अधिकार नहीं है, तो मैं एक झूठा और खतरनाक उपहार देता हूँ, एक ऐसा उपहार जो दिखने में तो मेरा प्यार लगता है, पर असल में प्याररहित है - ऐसा उपहार जो दूसरे की प्यार पाने की ज़रूरत पर ध्यान देने की बजाए, सिर्फ अपने आप को दिखाने के लिए दिया जाता है। इस अभिमानी और गलत धारणा पर आधारित दिया गया उपहार कि भगवान के पास मुझे माध्यम बनाये बिना, अपना प्यार उन लोगों तक पहुंचाने का और कोई तरीका नहीं है, ऐसा अपहार प्याररहित और विश्वासरहित होता है। हाँ, हम सब एक दूसरे के लिए और समुदाय के लिए बने हैं, एक दूसरे को मदद और प्यार करने के लिए। लेकिन समुदाय दोनों तरीकों से चलता है: जब हम प्यार करने की अपनी क्षमता की सीमा तक पहुँच जाते हैं, तब समुदाय का अर्थ है यह विशवास रखना कि ज़रूरतमंद व्यक्ति के लिए कोई और देने वाला अपलब्ध हो जाएगा।
मैं अपनी खुद की प्रकृति का उल्लंघन कर रहा हूँ, इसका एक संकेत है एकदम थक के चूर हो जाना। जबकि आमतौर पर ऐसा माना जाता है कि यह स्थिति बहुत ज़्यादा देने के प्रयत्न का परिणाम है, लेकिन मेरे अनुभव में ऐसी थकान वो देने से होती है जो मेरा है ही नहीं - आखिर में बहुत कम दिया जाता है! वो परम थकान निश्चित ही खालीपन की एक अवस्था है, लेकिन वो हमारे सब कुछ दे देने का परिणाम नहीं है; वो तो केवल वो शून्यता दर्शाती है जिसमें से शुरुआत से मैं देने की कोशिश कर रहा था।
अपनी कविता “अब मैं खुद बन जाती हूँ,” में मे सार्टन प्राकृतिक जीवन में से ली गयी छवियों को इस्तेमाल करते हुए एक अलग किस्म की भेंट का विवरण देती हैं, एक अलग किस्म के देने के तरीके में निहित, ऐसा तरीका जो थकान में नहीं, बल्कि उर्वरता और प्रचुरता में बदल जाता है:
पकते हुए फल की तरह हौले- हौले
उपजाऊ, अनासक्त, और हमेशा क्षीण,
गिरता है लेकिन जड़ को नहीं थकाता …
देते हुए भी, जब में वो उपहार किसी को देता हूँ जो मेरी अपनी प्रकृति का हिस्सा है, जब वो मेरे अंदर की एक चेतन जगह से निकल कर आता है, तो वो अपने आप को तरो-ताज़ा कर देगा - और मुझे भी। सिर्फ जब मैं ऐसा कुछ देता हूँ जो मेरे अंदर पैदा नहीं हुआ है, तभी मैं अपने आप को कमज़ोर बनाता हूँ और दूसरे को भी नुक्सान पहुंचाता हूँ, क्योंकि जो उपहार ज़बरदस्ती से, अचेतन अवस्था में, या अवास्तविकता में दिया जाता है, उससे नुक्सान ही होता है।
विचार के लिए कुछ मूल प्रश्न: आप इस बात से क्या समझते हैं कि जो चीज़ आपकी नहीं होती, उसे देने से आपको थकान होती है? क्या आप अपना कोई व्यक्तिगत अनुभव सबसे बाँटना चाहेंगे जब अचेतन उपहार देने के जाल में फंसने का अर्थ आपको ठीक से समझ आया हो? ऐसी कौनसी साधना है जो आपको चेतन उपहार देने की राह पर चलने में मदद करती है?
पार्कर पामर की पुस्तक, “अपनी ज़िंदगी को खुद बोलने दो: अपनी योग्यता की आवाज़ को सुनना” से उद्धृत।
Excerpted from Parker Palmer's book "Let Your Life Speak: Listening for the Voice of Vocation"
SEED QUESTIONS FOR REFLECTION: How do you relate to the notion that burnout results from trying to give what we do not possess? Can you share a personal experience of a time that the traps of inorganic gifting became clear to you? What practice helps you move toward organic gifting?
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24 Past Reflections
On Oct 11, 2024 Sandip Sheta wrote :
Gratitude is not something you have to express. If you are filled with gratitude for all the things that contribute to your life, it will melt your very being.
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On Apr 21, 2023 Paul Fillinger wrote :
this causes my reflections of times (church, community, etc) when I have been judgmental and distracted by others rather than concentrating on the organic idea of unconditional giving.
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On Mar 22, 2023 themcastillo wrote :
Memorable statement: When the gift I give to othr is integral to my own nature, when it comes from a place of organic reality within me, it will renew itself... and me...even as I give it away.
I feel this why whenI coach- it renews me, I feel I am blessed serving others in their journey.
I feel this why whenI coach- it renews me, I feel I am blessed serving others in their journey.
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On Mar 15, 2023 Mercedes wrote :
The time I started working with the nurses from a Nursery Home. They had asked me to share with them some relaxing practices. Their petition was such an opening to a bigger possibility. Connecting to my own care, so from here, nurses could connect with their own care and nourshment and thus the residents' care.
When I asked them, if they could share how they took care of themselves, the answer from one of the nurses, reflected what the residents had shared with me. " I have no time to care for myself. I am too busy and I arrive home too late and tired." Then, as the time together unrolled, the understanding that care for others comes from the heart from a place of care, which starts within started an understanding beyond words. A sort of ripple effect!
When I asked them, if they could share how they took care of themselves, the answer from one of the nurses, reflected what the residents had shared with me. " I have no time to care for myself. I am too busy and I arrive home too late and tired." Then, as the time together unrolled, the understanding that care for others comes from the heart from a place of care, which starts within started an understanding beyond words. A sort of ripple effect!
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On Aug 9, 2022 Emilie wrote :
As I read this I thought of two things. First, I remembered my teacher at my performing arts major. She said to me and I never forgot: "You can not give what you don't have" and she was talking about relationship with other actors and the audience as well. In relationship to other we can only give what we have.
The sond thing that comes to mind is my deep disare to be in service of people's stories but at the same time finding my way of living. Sometimes I made decisions because I needed the money and I knew beforehand that was not what I had to do. I felt it while talking to people that something was not right.
The sond thing that comes to mind is my deep disare to be in service of people's stories but at the same time finding my way of living. Sometimes I made decisions because I needed the money and I knew beforehand that was not what I had to do. I felt it while talking to people that something was not right.
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On Aug 23, 2021 Nilesh Thali wrote :
probably the first time i disagree with, or at least fail to understand, what Parker Palmer is saying: "When the gift I give ... is integral to my own nature ... it will renew itself - and me - even as I give it away. Only when I give something that does not grow within me do I deplete myself..."
I thought there were instances when Jesus felt the power leave him as someone touched his tunic and was healed. I thought Jesus regularly had to recharge himself by spending hours connected to the source. So there are definite instances of him (and others) getting depleted, even when they were giving something that did grow in them.
I thought there were instances when Jesus felt the power leave him as someone touched his tunic and was healed. I thought Jesus regularly had to recharge himself by spending hours connected to the source. So there are definite instances of him (and others) getting depleted, even when they were giving something that did grow in them.
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On Aug 20, 2021 Fatmah wrote :
I agree 100% with what palmer points out, when we give out from a place of non abundance...call it scarcity...then we experience burnout...Using an example of a naturally gifted musician...they will never experience burnout giving to the world their gift...even after old age...Think of Dolly parton...she has been a musician for since she was a youth, til old age...she still gives the world what she was destined to give, because, it is abundant in her!...I burnout quickly with romantic relationships...meaning that's not my calling here, am not abundant in that area...what has helped me realize that is being open minded and reflecting on other people's gifts and abundance...we are gifted uniquely (abundant in different ways)...that's what makes the world a wonderful place to be!
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On Jun 29, 2020 Jane wrote :
This article resonated with me. I think the connection is the most important part of any gifting experience. I can think of a few times that I have a given a gift to connect verses connecting first and then giving organically. When I gave a gift to 'connect', in the end there was no connection or relationship. When I've given organic gifts because of a strong connection, it only strengthened the relationship. This was powerful to read"When the gift I give to the other is integral to my own nature, when it comes from a place of organic reality within me, it will renew itself - and me - even as I give it away."
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On Jun 29, 2020 Tizz O'Toole wrote :
This really hit home for me. I feel joy when I give, but there was one recent exception, and I realize now why it felt so wrong. I gave a gift of two things that were precious to me.I was expecting a response and judging the person for failing to give. When I examine why I gave, I realized I gave in order to show I was going to treat this young woman better than I had been treated by someone in the same position I am now. I would be generous and understanding and - judgey? Yep, apparently that too. This was a great read. I will check out Dorothy Day. Thank you. ♥.
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On Sep 10, 2019 Shreenabh wrote :
Thank you Parker Palmer for quoting Dorothy Day and bringing out the true essence of 'Giving'. Every word enlightens and knocks the innermost door and calls out loudly, 'Regenerate before you degenerate!!'
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On Jul 18, 2017 Atul Sahu wrote :
This article by Parker Palmer, just took me back to the story of Tukaram Maharaj when the thief visit his farm and stolen the cow. And his introspectiongoes like this "who was this bheetar ka chor? Well, bhagwan ki gaay, bhagwan ki dharti, bhagwan ki baarish, bhagwan ka ghaas, aur us ghaas ko khaakar jo doodh aaya woh bhi bhagwaan ka hi. Usko mera kehna aur maanna woh chori nahin to aur kya hain? (Everything belongs to God - the earth, the cow, the rains, the grass and the milk which the cow gives after eating the grass. The one who thinks and asserts that the cow and the milk are mine is the inner thief). When i see both the story in integrated way, it revalidated my own value of simplicity.
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On Apr 3, 2016 Someone wrote :
This explains the cause of all kinds of depressive, challenging moments - being inorganic, forced, unreal.
This passage is deeply meaningful to understand life, thank you!
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On Nov 16, 2015 Marc Dougherty wrote :
Really good.. I am currently "recovering" from roughly two years of this "burnout" where after several years working in the investment management industry post-college, I somewhat woke up to the divine unity of all things and I decided to leave my career, in somewhat of a misunderstood and rebellious, renunciation of materialism and access.. only to find myself in on the other extreme where I was trying to give and practice acts of kindness and charity as I traveled without a stable home, working in a variety of un-paid volunteer positions, over the course of a two-year period, when I wasn't really able to take care of myself and meet all my needs. Thus my "giving" was coming from a place of lack and out a false and confused sense of nobility, as I was trying to "do-good." I was not able to give unconditionally, and have not been able to fully love in my relationships or interactions because I have not been taking care of myself during this time. I am just now waking up to... [View Full Comment]
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On Nov 11, 2015 Amy wrote :
In reading this, many thoughts came to mind but the most predominant would be "that I burnout just about everyday"! In speaking in "organic" terms, everything has "a life". The tomatoes I planted in the Spring have done their duty for this season. I've now pulled them up (roots and all) and will begin anew with a whole new plant next Spring. For the trees in our yard, while they appear they "are finished", (it's an illusion) they are not. The tree stays rooted ... It does not "move"... It keeps it's life ... But it's life is hidden.
When I burnout, I make like a wintered tree and keep my focus on my roots! I can feel tired, finished ... Like this is it, but It is then I start "digging"! Focus on the life (God) in me. Perhaps I can't ... But, in Him, I CAN. (And you CAN, too!) God, like the roots His given us .... Seeks out the good stuff of the ground it's planted in! Believe.
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On Nov 11, 2015 Mish wrote :
Awesome reflection. Genuine giving...from our hearts..from our true nature. Genuine passion
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On Nov 10, 2015 Sunil,Bangalore wrote :
Khalil Gibran said "In truth,it is life that gives into life while the giver is just a witness.It is when you give of yourself that you truly give".Gifting is for our own happiness and mutual love. When to be happy & full of love can only be organic,how can giving be inorganic ?Thus any burnout is totally ruled out.The thought of Kabir is "Hum Sub Mai,Sub Hai Hum Mai". It is matter of Dil Ka Dil se,Dilwale and Dilaram(Dil+ Aaram). The original organic nature of our latent life force is fundamentally love and compassion.Needless to say anything contrary to all this is far away from giving.Happy Diwali.
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On Nov 10, 2015 Chris wrote :
Giving organically respects the natural cycle of growing what we have to offer, offering it up, and then resting and restoring so that we can begin the cycle again. Love the analogy of the fruit tree. Ripeness is everything, and honoring from the seasons of the heart.
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On Nov 10, 2015 Kristin Pedemonti wrote :
Burnout happens when we give from a place that is not authentic and thus it takes much more energy to give in that manner because sometimes there is built in expectation or there is the fact we are already depleted. It's important to "fill our own buckets" before we can fill someone else's. When we give completely from our hearts without expectations we are giving in a way that also feeds us in the process. In my 20's I remember often giving and giving in hopes of receiving in return; it came from a lack of self worth and it was exhausting. These days I give from my heart focused on the beauty of the giving and also on the process of sharing my own gifts and talents it is a completely different feeling. It is one of joy and feeling at peace and contentment. I think we also need to be mindful of what we are giving, is it truly needed, is it even wanted by the other person or people. Several First Nations have a philosophy of being sure to not burden a receiver with a gift they ma... [View Full Comment]
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On Nov 10, 2015 George wrote :
It is not about giving or receiving love. It is about being love, like the ocean to which the rivers flow. The ocean is full by itself. We need to be the ocean of love, full from within
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On Nov 9, 2015 Mona wrote :
So Beautiful, so True. Blessed are the ones who know the One Source of ALL Gifts and are connected to that Source. From the Source alone will they take their reward of pure inner Joy and Equanimity. I was amazed - one more time - by the magic of synchronicity as I had just unsubscribe to the newsletter of an American teacher who shares wonderful teaching about Love and the Heart. There were so many "I...I...I" "I did this and I have done that" that this alone counteracted all my wish to be connected to his group as by doing that, I will only sustain an illusion instead of sustaining a community spirit base on Pure Love.
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On Nov 8, 2015 david doane wrote :
I can't give what I don't have. I can pretend or try, and then I'm giving my pretending or trying. I typically think of burnout as the result of not taking care of self, such as when I give to the other or take care of the other in a way that neglects my self. Pretending and trying are ways of not taking care of myself and are tiring and eventually result in burnout. When I give having some ulterior motive or because I think I should and I don't really feel it or have it in me, what I give is not genuine and I feel strained and tired and unhappy with myself, and the traps of such inorganic gifting have become clear to me. The satisfaction of organic giving helps me continue to move toward more organic giving. The Sufi poet Hafiz said that the sun gives so much to the earth and never says, "You owe me." The sun is being sun, giving itself, giving what it is, not giving in order to provide light or heat or for any other purpose -- that's organic... [View Full Comment]
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On Nov 8, 2015 Abhishek wrote :
This passage has the potential to save a lot of 'heartache' for a lot of 'givers' - but alas! the path is best walked and realised...
I can relate to this transactional giving - the one that creates an invisible expectation and eventually resentment if the 'gap' is too much....
Indeed, the giving that comes from gratitude and fullness has a different quality, a different ripple - the question though is do we wait till we fill full or do we start giving and realize our fullness in the process
Charles Eisenstien recently announced a course on Masculinity and offered scholarships - most people choose to take the course fully free or just pay 10%....in a Facebook post, Charles reflects on this attitude he encountered, in his giving....
To me, while his giving may come from fullness, yet it did have traces of burnout - essentially, there are no 'settled' answers for all of us, they have to be discovered as we walk the path and carry out newer and more radical experiments in generosity
... [View Full Comment]
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On Nov 6, 2015 Jagdish P Dave wrote :
An organic gift is an offering from the heart.It has no conditions, expectations and attachment to its outcomes. In the Bhagavad Gita, such a gift is called Karma Yoga that creates a union between the giver and the receiver. Giving becomes receiving.My daily gifting is mostly organic.. It is effortless. It is natural. It is fulfilling. It nourishes my heart. It enlivens me and brings blessings to my life. Such gifts do not have to be big.I do small acts of kindness with love such as holding a crying or a sad child in my hands, smiling at someone I run into, cleaning pots and pens in the kitchen and spending time with others who are suffering.
When I overstretch myself and do more than I can, it drains my energy. I am learning the art of operating within my limits. I need to take care of myself in order to take care of others. I do not call it selfishness. I call it enlightened self caring..
I also encounter may people in my life who offer such organic gifts. I am very grateful t... [View Full Comment]