The Liminal Space
L'Espace Liminaire -- de Heather Platt Que faire lorsqu'un ami a perdu son enfant et que vous ne pouvez soulager son chagrin ? Ou lorsque votre partenaire perd son travail et que vous ne pouvez y remédier pour elle ? Ou un client doit prendre une décision importante que vous ne pourrez prendre à sa place ? Ou votre Eglise, votre communauté décide de fermer ses portes et que la perte se dessine sur le visage de chacun, chacune ? Ou un groupe dans lequel vous êtes facilitatrice est en conflit et ne voit pas comment le résoudre ?Bien que vous vous sentiez impliqué dans chacune de ces situations, vous n’êtes pas responsable du résultat, et vous ne pouvez pas le contrôler.
Le mieux que vous puissiez faire est d’offrir un espace de présence pour les personnes impliquées.
Tout cela commence dans l'espace liminaire…
L'espace entre les histoires est l'espace liminaire. En anthropologie, un espace liminaire est un seuil, un espace transitoire d'ambiguïté ou de désorientation, qui se produit dans les phases intermédiaires des rituels, quand les participants ne sont plus dans leur état pré-rituel mais n'ont pas encore atteint l’état propre au rituel achevé.. Dans l'espace liminaire, nous sommes entre plusieurs identités, entre la personne que nous étions et celle que nous sommes en train de devenir, comme dans la chrysalide entre la chenille et le papillon.
Chagrin, transition, perte, naissance, divorce, trauma, la perte d'un emploi, faillite, mariage, trahison, déménagement, l'obtention d'un diplôme, conflit - quasiment chaque expérience humaine comporte en elle quelque élément de l'espace liminaire. L'espace liminaire est un espace à cœur ouvert ; quand nous sommes à nu, vulnérables et exposés. Afin de survivre sans se blesser plus encore, nous avons besoin d’être contenus avec douceur et force, sans court-circuiter le processus ou nous forcer la main dans une direction.
Offrir cet espace de présence n'est pas facile et on peut se sentir impuissants. Nous voulons réparer, donner de bons conseils, contrôler le résultat, ou tout simplement éviter une conversation difficile.
Afin d’offrir cet espace aux personnes dans nos vies, nous devons d'abord apprendre à créer cet espace pour nous-mêmes. Lorsque nous négligeons nos propres besoins, nous risquons le burnout ou de tomber dans des addictions et d'autres mécanismes de défense inadaptés. Offrir cet espace est ce que nous faisons dans l'espace liminaire, lorsque nous cheminons aux côtés d'une autre personne (ou de soi-même) sans juger, réparer, rabaisser ou modeler le résultat. En soutenant leurs limites et en protégeant les nôtres, nous offrons un soutien inconditionnel, de la compassion, et nous les aidons à s’orienter avec douceur.
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Graines pour faire germer la réflexion : Comment est-ce que ça vous parle : l’espace liminaire et le besoin d'être soutenu dans cet espace ? Pouvez-vous partager une histoire personnelle où vous avez offert cet espace ? Qu'est-ce qui vous aide à reconnaître et à offrir un espace de présence pour celles et ceux, en incluant vous-même, qui se trouvent dans un espace liminaire ?
Sourced from here.
SEED QUESTIONS FOR REFLECTION: How do you relate to the notion of liminal space and our need to be held when in that space? Can you share a personal story of holding space? What helps you recognize and hold space for those, including yourself, in liminal spaces?
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18 Past Reflections
On Jul 19, 2023 Paul Fillinger wrote :
That nailed it for me. I seem to be in a liminal space. I'll try to walk alongside myself and listen and be comforting and accept what is as my journey, a new journey and the best journey for everyone.
Thank you for introducing me to the liminal space.
Thank you for introducing me to the liminal space.
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On Jul 18, 2023 Mary Thomson wrote :
As a nurse I was able to hold space for people I all kinds of liminal situations/space. I was consciously available for this as well.
Being kind and generous in the attention I give to others is really important to me. I have a friend who is a nurse too and we worked together with families in the community for a long while. When I became very unwell for a period of time she’ showed up every few days after work to bring me food, do some dishes and hold space for me as I experienced the liminal space of transitioning from decades of stored trauma to beginning to talk about it. This has helped me to gradually release the hold this had on my body ( always held in a state of tension and preparedness). I am so grateful to her. She never said I had told her things when I found myself repeating myself. She listened and cried with me. What a generous gift of love and kindness she showed me. 🙏💛
Being kind and generous in the attention I give to others is really important to me. I have a friend who is a nurse too and we worked together with families in the community for a long while. When I became very unwell for a period of time she’ showed up every few days after work to bring me food, do some dishes and hold space for me as I experienced the liminal space of transitioning from decades of stored trauma to beginning to talk about it. This has helped me to gradually release the hold this had on my body ( always held in a state of tension and preparedness). I am so grateful to her. She never said I had told her things when I found myself repeating myself. She listened and cried with me. What a generous gift of love and kindness she showed me. 🙏💛
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On Feb 25, 2020 MARIA DEL REFUGIO SANDOVAL OLIVAS wrote :
El espacio liminal lo vivimos a diario. Cuando nos enteramos de una noticia que trastoca a nuestra sociedad, cuando vemos a una persona en duelo, a una madre con las responsabilidades de crear una familia sola, a los niños en la calle, a ancianos abandonados, a una persona sin hogar, alquien que cae en las drogas.
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On Feb 21, 2020 Deborah Watson wrote :
Thank you for this. My sister has been seeking a new job for almost 9 months now and I see the toll it is taking on her. I find myself taking on her depression and helplessness. I realize this is no way to “help” her. Peace to all.
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On Feb 20, 2020 RUBY wrote :
Well, when i see things around in my world in a helpless state and ugly, i become depressed and helpless. For example, the muslim terrorist shah ruk khan makes a lot of money in bolleywood, but that depresses me to the point to think how duimb Indians can be to promote an enemy of your own country. Idiot indians!!!
1 reply: Ruby | Post Your Reply
On Feb 20, 2020 Del wrote :
Connecting to the space helps guide us to the truth in the synthesis.
1 reply: Ruby | Post Your Reply
On Feb 19, 2020 Manisha wrote :
What to say in difficult times is always a question. But its not that difficult to hold someone hands and let him/her know that you are there. Probably you can't do anything to reduce their pain but being there itself is great deal. Recently someone lost her child and there is nothing you can say to console a mother. But time is great healer and with the time people forget the pain or you can say they will learn how to ignore that pain. In this journey standing by with them is the only thing you can do.
Same theory applies to us when we are in pain. Just be there and keep reminding ourselves that time keep of changing. Good or bad it will change so hold on until then.
Same theory applies to us when we are in pain. Just be there and keep reminding ourselves that time keep of changing. Good or bad it will change so hold on until then.
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On Feb 18, 2020 Chris wrote :
Thanks for a wonderful post, liminal space is a new concept for me and it came to me at just the right time. Thanks also to all the people who posted insightful and open hearted comments, you're beautiful!
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On Feb 18, 2020 Gururaj wrote :
When I 'hold' the space rightly am I allowing something beyond my habitual response to 'inform' me ?
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On Feb 18, 2020 aj wrote :
"Learning to care and not carry", David, grabbed my focus. Allowing presence, ear, love, time ... to be enough in in this phase difficult sometimes. Your words a very good reminder!
Amen to Maria's ... "When we try to help, and from a good place, it doesn’t allow the other to go through life’s struggles, learn and become strong and wise because of them." (Yes, yes, yes! We are who we are, in great part, by how we'veOVERCOME thorns in life.)
So much to ponder here! Thank you!
Amen to Maria's ... "When we try to help, and from a good place, it doesn’t allow the other to go through life’s struggles, learn and become strong and wise because of them." (Yes, yes, yes! We are who we are, in great part, by how we'veOVERCOME thorns in life.)
So much to ponder here! Thank you!
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On Feb 18, 2020 maria wrote :
When you become aware of another in a dilemma of some kind and for them it’s so heavy they can only naturally share some burden so as to ease the load. Not always do they want advice and direction. Yet we can so easily jump in to dosomething to help them, by not just listening and allowing them to vent of this weighted burden, we then start to speak, we advice, criticiseadd our opinions, thinking we are helping, but we are blocking the other persons flow and only keep the unhealthy fire burning by adding some fuel. Even if a situation arose that you knew the person was in conflict with, but never discussed it or addressed there even was a issue or conflict happening.
it is so easy to offer advice, an therefore stop the natural flow.
when we try to help, and from a good place, it doesn’t allow the other to go through life’s struggles, learn and become strong and wise because of them.
to help a butterfly from its chrysalis during its brief struggle to get out, would onl... [View Full Comment]
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On Feb 18, 2020 Sunil Mor, Bangalore wrote :
Heartfelt compassion and empathy by stepping in the shoes of the affected may be the starting point.Within our own big joint family crisis maintaining equanimity was the key for resolution. Purification of head,heart and soul thru mindful meditation helps.
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On Feb 17, 2020 Jayendra Shah wrote :
Thanks for sharing this post - providing a special name and context when we face such situation. We are tempted to get out of this space not knowing how to do that. Now we can remind us that we are in Liminal space and all we need to do is just hold the space.
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On Feb 15, 2020 David Doane wrote :
We're always in liminal space, sometimes more profoundly than others, sometimes willingly and sometimes unwillingly. It probably helps to be held when struggling in that space. We can never control outcome, but we can be a container by being present in such a way as to provide some safety, care, respect, and support. Holding space becomes more easy the more we do it. It doesn't make us feel powerless -- we're always powerless to change the other. We don't have to anything, for self or others -- we can hold space for self, which is to take care of self, including while holding space for another, which usually helps. When I am present, listening, caring, not judging, not controlling, I am holding space for and with another. What helps me recognize and hold space is knowing how important it is, learning to care and not carry, knowing how to share what I am experiencing in a non-demanding, non-critical, honest and open way, and being supportive of the other being himself or... [View Full Comment]
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On Feb 14, 2020 Jagdish P Dave wrote :
We all go though ups and down in our life, feeling high and feeling low, elevatedand depressed. There have been times in my life when I did not know which way to go. The outcomes were beyond my control. The best way for me was to hold space-the liminal space, with non-judgmental mindfulness, and open and tender heartedness. I needed such empathic and compassionate support for me to hold me. It was my responsibility to hold me in that liminal space. I did not feel alone. A deeper loving and compassionate part of myself held me to go through the difficult times of my life. My personal experience has taught me how to provide such liminal space to others when they go through agonizing and painful experiencesin their lives. These are the times when I feel
the other is me. I feel deep empathy for the other.
As a teacher and a counselor, I often encounter such situations when my
students and clients feel stuck in no-exit condition. They feel lost not knowing what to do. These are thee times ... [View Full Comment]