Beggarly, Friendly, And Kingly Giving
The greatest gift is the act of giving itself. Traditionally, three kinds of giving are spoken of. There is beggarly giving, which is when we give with only one hand, still holding onto what we give. In this kind of giving we give the least of what we have and afterward wonder whether we should have given at all.
Another kind of giving is called "friendly" giving, in which we give openhandedly. We take what we we have and share it, because it seems appropriate. It's a clear giving.
Then there's the type of giving that's called "kingly" giving. That's when we give the best of what we have, even if none remains for ourself. We give the best we have instinctively with graciousness. We think of ourselves only as temporary caretakers of whatever has been provided, as owning nothing. There is no giving; there is just the spaciousness which allows objects to remain in the flow.
We've all experienced these kinds of giving in our lives; giving from us and giving to us. We all know what it feels like when we hold on to what we give, when we're giving, attached to a particular response to the gift: "Will I be loved because I gave this gift?" We're attached to ourselves being the giver. It's not such wholesome giving. We've also given when we felt it right to let something go into another's hands, just let it flow right through. That's the kind of giving that comes through people who are healers. They don't hold onto it -- the life energy moves right through them. There's no one healing; there's just healing coming out. That's the kingly kind of giving.
More generally, as we grow into ourselves, we find ourselves giving, sharing openhandedly, and honestly. That feels good. That bring us to the kind of friendship, the kind of love that nurtures growth.
Indeed, giving can become a whole practice in itself. Many times in our meditation, we become beggarly and we don't give ourselves away. We hold back, we resist certain states of mind, giving ourselves practice with the one hand, pulling it back with the other. We're constantly checking how we're doing, measuring who we are now, evaluating. But as we awaken, more and more we come to give ourselves away.
And as we gradually give more of ourselves to ourselves, we naturally give more of ourselves to others. There is a way we are with people which makes it easy for them to be themselves. We're not being someone who encourages to act in any other way. We're an open space, holding to nothing, giving it all away.
Stephen Levine is a celebrated author. Excerpt above from his book, Gradual Awakening.
SEED QUESTIONS FOR REFLECTION: How do you relate to the three kinds of giving? Can you share an experience of kingly giving from your life? What do you understand by using giving as a practice in itself?
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20 Past Reflections
On Feb 21, 2024 Diksha Pilania wrote :
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On Apr 12, 2023 Paul Fillinger wrote :
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On Mar 15, 2023 themcastillo wrote :
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On Jun 30, 2020 thea nietfeld wrote :
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On Oct 26, 2015 Kimberley wrote :
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1 reply: Mansiha | Post Your Reply
On Jun 27, 2013 Ganoba wrote :
I used to feed birds by throwing grains on the ground. Behind this act was fear that the birds may hurt me. Then I decided to offer grains from an open palm. Gradually the birds started to sit on my hand to feed. Their touch and their trust banished even traces of fear and love took its place.
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On Jun 27, 2013 Ganoba wrote :
Giving and taking are actions. All actions connect people. In the absence of a human connection the action becomes exploitative and degrading. Giving becomes throwing and taking becomes snatching.
When there is a human touch the action is bound to raise the consciousness of the people involvved to a higher plane.
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On Jun 26, 2013 M.V..Rao wrote :
Thank you. SHRADDHA: I don’t know the correct word in English. However it means “intention to learn with mindful awareness”. Further to my reflection earlier, I wish to add the following: “Giving need not be material or is it about the cost; it can even be mentally a sincere thought. One can mentally pray for a person or send him blessings. As per scriptures, even these are acts of giving.” Thanks.
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On Jun 26, 2013 T wrote :
Great comment.The difference between Apatra and Gupta danam is very significant. Overprotective parents can do a lot of damage to their children when their giving is from attachment. This is commonly overlooked. I would like to know the meaning of Shraddha?
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On Jun 25, 2013 M.V.Rao wrote :
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On Jun 25, 2013 Thierry wrote :
What need is there to categorise? Don't we know instantly when we give reluctantly and with some afterthought, and when we give in a limited way but with a clear intention? As for 'kingly' giving, has anyone given that kingly who did not first answer for himself the question: what would I give my life to? I feel this is the one important question that conditions all the rest if one can answer it whole-heartedly, without reserve. For all I know, those who have answered it do not think of theirs as a giving. They are happy to serve. Life is feeding them back their very generosity without any need for them to measure up their commitment to some sort of scale.
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On Jun 25, 2013 Ravindranath wrote :
My father used to say, "Any fool can give away what he does not want. If you give what you want, that is something but the sublime gift is that which you need." I don't know if this is kingly or not but it still makes sense to me.
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On Jun 24, 2013 Zellda wrote :
As a healer, I have learned through my experience to give from an overflow and not from an empty cup.
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On Jun 23, 2013 david doane wrote :
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On Jun 23, 2013 Conrad P. Pritscher wrote :
Thank you for the opportunity to respond. Intellectually, I hold that giving is far superior to receiving. I also hold that when I give I simultaneously receive since, intellectually, I hold that I am one with everyone and everything. As a matter of practice, I do not often live this way and I'm not sure why. It would be an easy explanation if I said it was because of my habits,but it is more than that in a mysterious way. I formerly thought that when I give I will be rewarded in heaven. Now when I give, I notice that I experience a bit of heaven at the present moment (during the giving).. I work in his soup kitchen several hours a week and when I give food to the poor I experience that I get more out of it than those who receive the food do. Warm and kind regards to everyone.
1 reply: Thea | Post Your Reply
On Jun 23, 2013 Manisha wrote :
This passage, particularly the end, offers a nice way to practice giving. I never realized that it can be cultivated through meditation. Giving more of ourselves to ourselves...what an inspiring and simple place to start! I will be more mindful of being kingly rather than being beggarly the next time that I sit. Thank you for sharing this reading. :)
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