Organic Gift
Years ago, I heard Dorothy Day speak. Founder of the Catholic Worker movement, her long-term commitment to living among the poor on New York's Lower East Side - had made her one of my heroes. So it came as a great shock when in the middle of her talk, I heard her start to ruminate about the "ungrateful poor."
I did not understand how such a dismissive phrase could come from the lips of a saint - until it hit me with the force of a Zen koan. Dorothy Day was saying, "Do not give to the poor expecting to get their gratitude so that you can feel good about yourself. If you do, your giving will be thin and short-lived, and that is not what the poor need; it will only impoverish them further. Give only if you have something you must give; give only if you are someone for whom giving is its own reward."
When I give something I do not possess, I give a false and dangerous gift, a gift that looks like love but is, in reality, loveless - a gift given more from my need to prove myself than from the other's need to be cared for. That kind of giving is not only loveless and faithless, based on the arrogant and mistaken notion that God has no way of channeling love to the other except through me. Yes, we are created in and for community, to be there, in love, for one another. But community cuts both ways: when we reach the limits of our own capacity to love, community means trusting that someone else will be available to the person in need.
One sign that I am violating my own nature in the name of nobility is a condition called burnout. Though usually regarded as the result of trying to give too much, burnout in my experience results from trying to give what I do not possess - the ultimate in giving too little! Burnout is a state of emptiness, to be sure, but it does not result from giving all I have; it merely reveals the nothingness from which I was trying to give in the first place.
May Sarton, in her poem "Now I Become Myself," uses images from the natural world to describe a different kind of giving, grounded in a different way of being, a way that results not in burnout but in fecundity and abundance:
As slowly as the ripening fruit
Fertile, detached, and always spent,
Falls but does not exhaust the root...
When the gift I give to the other is integral to my own nature, when it comes from a place of organic reality within me, it will renew itself - and me - even as I give it away. Only when I give something that does not grow within me do I deplete myself and harm the other as well, for only harm can come from a gift that is forced, inorganic, unreal.
Excerpted from Parker Palmer's book "Let Your Life Speak: Listening for the Voice of Vocation"
SEED QUESTIONS FOR REFLECTION: How do you relate to the notion that burnout results from trying to give what we do not possess? Can you share a personal experience of a time that the traps of inorganic gifting became clear to you? What practice helps you move toward organic gifting?
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24 Past Reflections
On Oct 11, 2024 Sandip Sheta wrote :
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On Apr 21, 2023 Paul Fillinger wrote :
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On Mar 22, 2023 themcastillo wrote :
I feel this why whenI coach- it renews me, I feel I am blessed serving others in their journey.
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On Mar 15, 2023 Mercedes wrote :
When I asked them, if they could share how they took care of themselves, the answer from one of the nurses, reflected what the residents had shared with me. " I have no time to care for myself. I am too busy and I arrive home too late and tired." Then, as the time together unrolled, the understanding that care for others comes from the heart from a place of care, which starts within started an understanding beyond words. A sort of ripple effect!
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On Aug 9, 2022 Emilie wrote :
The sond thing that comes to mind is my deep disare to be in service of people's stories but at the same time finding my way of living. Sometimes I made decisions because I needed the money and I knew beforehand that was not what I had to do. I felt it while talking to people that something was not right.
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On Aug 23, 2021 Nilesh Thali wrote :
I thought there were instances when Jesus felt the power leave him as someone touched his tunic and was healed. I thought Jesus regularly had to recharge himself by spending hours connected to the source. So there are definite instances of him (and others) getting depleted, even when they were giving something that did grow in them.
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On Aug 20, 2021 Fatmah wrote :
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On Jun 29, 2020 Jane wrote :
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On Jun 29, 2020 Tizz O'Toole wrote :
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On Sep 10, 2019 Shreenabh wrote :
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On Jul 18, 2017 Atul Sahu wrote :
This article by Parker Palmer, just took me back to the story of Tukaram Maharaj when the thief visit his farm and stolen the cow. And his introspectiongoes like this "who was this bheetar ka chor? Well, bhagwan ki gaay, bhagwan ki dharti, bhagwan ki baarish, bhagwan ka ghaas, aur us ghaas ko khaakar jo doodh aaya woh bhi bhagwaan ka hi. Usko mera kehna aur maanna woh chori nahin to aur kya hain? (Everything belongs to God - the earth, the cow, the rains, the grass and the milk which the cow gives after eating the grass. The one who thinks and asserts that the cow and the milk are mine is the inner thief). When i see both the story in integrated way, it revalidated my own value of simplicity.
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On Apr 3, 2016 Someone wrote :
This explains the cause of all kinds of depressive, challenging moments - being inorganic, forced, unreal.
This passage is deeply meaningful to understand life, thank you!
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On Nov 16, 2015 Marc Dougherty wrote :
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On Nov 11, 2015 Amy wrote :
In reading this, many thoughts came to mind but the most predominant would be "that I burnout just about everyday"! In speaking in "organic" terms, everything has "a life". The tomatoes I planted in the Spring have done their duty for this season. I've now pulled them up (roots and all) and will begin anew with a whole new plant next Spring. For the trees in our yard, while they appear they "are finished", (it's an illusion) they are not. The tree stays rooted ... It does not "move"... It keeps it's life ... But it's life is hidden.
When I burnout, I make like a wintered tree and keep my focus on my roots! I can feel tired, finished ... Like this is it, but It is then I start "digging"! Focus on the life (God) in me. Perhaps I can't ... But, in Him, I CAN. (And you CAN, too!) God, like the roots His given us .... Seeks out the good stuff of the ground it's planted in! Believe.
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On Nov 11, 2015 Mish wrote :
Awesome reflection. Genuine giving...from our hearts..from our true nature. Genuine passion
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On Nov 10, 2015 Sunil,Bangalore wrote :
Khalil Gibran said "In truth,it is life that gives into life while the giver is just a witness.It is when you give of yourself that you truly give".Gifting is for our own happiness and mutual love. When to be happy & full of love can only be organic,how can giving be inorganic ?Thus any burnout is totally ruled out.The thought of Kabir is "Hum Sub Mai,Sub Hai Hum Mai". It is matter of Dil Ka Dil se,Dilwale and Dilaram(Dil+ Aaram). The original organic nature of our latent life force is fundamentally love and compassion.Needless to say anything contrary to all this is far away from giving.Happy Diwali.
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On Nov 10, 2015 Chris wrote :
Giving organically respects the natural cycle of growing what we have to offer, offering it up, and then resting and restoring so that we can begin the cycle again. Love the analogy of the fruit tree. Ripeness is everything, and honoring from the seasons of the heart.
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On Nov 10, 2015 Kristin Pedemonti wrote :
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On Nov 10, 2015 George wrote :
It is not about giving or receiving love. It is about being love, like the ocean to which the rivers flow. The ocean is full by itself. We need to be the ocean of love, full from within
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On Nov 9, 2015 Mona wrote :
So Beautiful, so True. Blessed are the ones who know the One Source of ALL Gifts and are connected to that Source. From the Source alone will they take their reward of pure inner Joy and Equanimity. I was amazed - one more time - by the magic of synchronicity as I had just unsubscribe to the newsletter of an American teacher who shares wonderful teaching about Love and the Heart. There were so many "I...I...I" "I did this and I have done that" that this alone counteracted all my wish to be connected to his group as by doing that, I will only sustain an illusion instead of sustaining a community spirit base on Pure Love.
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On Nov 8, 2015 david doane wrote :
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On Nov 8, 2015 Abhishek wrote :
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