Seeing Fully

 We have been discussing all relative things which are temporary and perishable. The important thing is the thought behind what we do and how we process the information internally as have been pointed out by our friends. Then comes the opinion part. If we process the information in a negative way then we process it negatively and our opinion comes out negative. On the flip side if we process it positively then our opinion comes out positive. The process part is based on our beliefs. We have to change our beliefs that we want to be positive in all circumstances, in seeing, hearing, smelling, touch and thoughts no matter what. This can be our mantra. This would lead to inner happiness. This is certainly under our own realm.

It is said that things don't cling  to us....we cling to them. Many of our friends have experienced it from their comments and changed their beliefs to be happy. Then the relative things will automatically be placed in a positive way whether it is the other person, object, interaction or our own thoughts or reactions.

It is said that Opinion is the Father of Mind, and the Language is the Mother of Mind. Due to circumstantial forces and prevailing situations, a person is placed in, opinions are incessantly formed consciously or unconsciously.  These opinions that form in the mind may be on any number of subjects, such as people, world, time, nation, religion, sect, society, creed, etc.  Thus the mind becomes the cause of bondage to worldly life.  It is our own opinion that binds us, and not things external to oneself or other people. Positivity is the key to happiness in imperfection situations. This way there is no compromise in the result of one's work. 

Nature can be seen as a great example: even the most beautiful roses have thorns. Nothing is “perfect,” but everything is perfect the way it is.

Our commitment to evolve spiritually has much to do with learning to look at things from a more helpful perspective, learning to look at existence from the soul’s agenda, and, yes, learning to see the big picture.

Looking from the soul’s agenda, it is pretty obvious that we are not here to build the perfect wall, to become the perfect mom, to sing the perfect notes, to love the perfect way . . .

I believe it is not what we do or what we can do; it is what we learn, what we remember, and how we feel while we do what we do. As human beings, our beingness matters more than our doingness, or the end result of our doingness.

In the big picture, in the grand scheme of things, the crooked bricks on the imperfect wall are totally, absolutely irrelevant. The feelings while we build the wall, of joy, of contentment, of mindfulness, of gratitude . . . are what matter and what will remain as the energetic expression of our eternal beingness.

(Note: I used to be a perfectionist . . . until I learned recently to shift my focus, from the thorns to the roses :-D)

 This story deeply resonates with me. If I look at and focus on the bent and rotting branch of a tree, I miss the beauty  and health of the whole tree. It is like paying and focusing   my attention only on what I have not completed  and blaming myself  rather than seeing  what I have  completed.  In my counseling experience I often hear one person complaining about what the other did not do or say right thing rather than recognizing and exoressing so many right and good things the other has done.

It is important to recognize where I went wrong so that I learn from my mistake. When I dwell on my wrong doing and get obsessed with it, I am missing what I have  done right and feel good about it. In relationship, this perspective applies to both persons. Pointing a fault finding and critical finger towards me and or towards the other is a sure way of making oneself and the other miserable.

I see this limited and narrow way of seeing in economics, politics,  and seeing people coming from different cultures creating separateness and ill feelings. We as human beings are not perfect and we all have our shortcomings. No country is perfect and no culture is perfect. When we look at ourselves and others, our culture and other's culture with this fault finding  and narrow perspective, we miss the goodness and beauty of the whole and big picture. 

Last year I went to my native country India with  two couples from America.It was interesting to see how each saw the same country, people and culture from different lenses and had different kinds of  perceptions, experiences, opinions. and reactions. Those who looked with a comparative and critical mind set, missed the positive aspects of the culture. Two of them decided to leave earlier and let us know they would never come back to India. The other couple enjoyed and appreciated the positive aspects of the culture and extended their stay in the country. By focusing only on the shortcomings of the country, they missed the opportunity of enriching their lives.

I always appreciate and value receiving this once a week gift  and remaining connected with many without even hearing their voices and seeing them.

With gratitude,

Jagdish P Dave

 I know a kid whose mom works late at night so she sleeps in the morning, leaving him to get up on his own, get his own breakfast and get himself to school by bus. He does this day after day. Occasionally, he is a tired young man who sleeps through his alarm and misses the bus, and get to school late. Ten unexcused absences had him hauled in to principal's office with orders to attend Saturday school to make up for the missed school time. He thinks he needs more will power to make himself get up everyday and not be late again. Hie mother thinks he is an exceptionally strong willed young kid who needs to be allow himself the compliment that he accomplishes what not too many kids are doing at his age. The two mislaid bricks are like the 10 absences on his school attendance. Who, other than his mother, can see that he gets himself to school on time with no assistance on all other 170 days, while other parents are urging their kids to wake-up, fixing them breakfasts and driving them to school !

 Wabi-sabi (侘寂?) represents a comprehensive Japanese world view or aesthetic centered on the acceptance of transience and imperfection. The aesthetic is sometimes described as one of beauty that is "imperfect, impermanent, and incomplete"

Characteristics of the wabi-sabi aesthetic include asymmetry, asperity (roughness or irregularity), simplicity, economy, austerity, modesty, intimacy and appreciation of the ingenuous integrity of natural objects and processes.

"[Wabi-sabi] nurtures all that is authentic by acknowledging three simple realities: nothing lasts, nothing is finished, and nothing is perfect."[3]

 How do I know when it is time to move on to the bigger picture? Well, it is a soft murmur at first coming from deep within ( often missed by me in the clutter of noises around me) and then after some days, it becomes a loud voice impossible to ignore. Sometimes, this voice comes from within and sometimes a wise friend will point it out to me. Like last week I was fretting over how some of my projects just refuse to take off the ground due to bureaucratic hurdles and how very little meaningful work that has seemed to come my way in Jan and February. After listening to me, a friend quietly pointed out the work I had done on myself and grown at accepting people as they are not as I want them to be. Once I stepped back and saw the effort that had gone in that, I felt much more peaceful.

Detachment to work results is something I was fortunately introduced to in the "Talks on the Gita" by Vinoba. It has helped me focus on doing my best and not be driven by results.  As my work involves engaging with govt. agencies in education, at times - the results of my work would be largely invisible to me. Moving towards excellence, not perfection is still difficult but I am getting there :) 

 I do not know when it is time to move on to the bigger picture as opposed to continuing to strive for perfection I do not know how to develop detachment to the result of my work without compromising on my commitment to its quality.  A personal story when I was reminded of "the bigger picture," is reading the book Zen and the art of motorcycle maintenance by Robert Persig, and when I read Todd May's Introduction.to Gilles. Deleuze. I notice I am imperfect and I notice when I accept my being imperfect that I see a bigger picture. One of the biggest pictures I see is, "the way that can be said is not the way. this leads me to think that there is great value in "my not knowing." Accepting myself as I am and accepting other people and things as they are has been helpful for me. I must admit that I have trouble accepting the 1% when they are taking such a large portion of the wealth away from many people who are poor and hungry. I am now writing about that and I have trouble saying kind things about the 1%. Accepting that little bit of trouble is helpful to me. I am now reminded of the Zen story about one's noticing, not that they have finally found their home, but rather, noticing that they have never been away. Seeing that the journey and the destination are one has been helpful for me.Thank you for the opportunity to respond. Warm and kind regards to everyone. 

After reading this passage, I thought...why see those 2 bricks as "bad?"  Why not also see them as beautiful, along with the other 998 "perfect" bricks?  I can't say I know much about the Japanese concept of wabi sabi, but what I understand is that it's about seeing beauty in imperfection.  I'm also reminded of these lyrics from Leonard Cohen's song, Anthem: "Forget your perfect offering. There is a crack, a crack in everything. That's how the light gets in."  Imperfection seems to be the nature of things.  So why not embrace it, love it, and see it as a gift?

Embracing imperfection hasn't been easy for me; I tend to want precision and perfection in certain things.  I have a sharp eye for picking out mistakes and imperfections.  What's helped me, though, is to be kind to myself whenever I make a mistake...whether it's saying something I later regret, or doing something with less than perfect understanding or awareness.  If I can clean up the mess, I often will.  And if I can't, I can't.  Either way, I try not to beat myself up for making the mistake in the first place, which only adds to suffering.

Something else that's helped me is giving myself permission to make mistakes.  One small example is...for a few weeks last summer I was inspired to draw and write with my left hand.  I'm right handed, so using my left hand is more challenging and less "perfect."  It was really nice to let myself make a little mess, to draw something imperfect, and to admire it anyway.

To me the question is - Why perfection?

The quest for 'perfection' as a spiritual practice or from a space to serve those who stand to benefit from the perfection is very different from being perfect because one 'should' be perfect.

One of my mentors had to write a referral letter for me for a very competitive fellowship - he spent hours crafting it. For someone of his stature, it wasn't something that would take too long - and yet he worked on it. In fact, he spent more time on that one recommendation letter than we did on our entire application!

He is no more - but when I reminiscence about him, the realization was that the quest for making the perfect letter was integral to him. Not perhaps as much for me or for the letter, but just because his way of being and doing was dedicated to perfection.

But then there is the bigger picture too.

I remember meeting a veteran environmental activist. I asked him what was the crux of what he learnt, what does the environmental movement needs?

He said - I don't know if your or my actions will add to anything meaningful. But meanwhile, enjoy the journey.

In the bigger picture, who knows what our actions will add up to? What I can say for sure is that working for excellence is working on purifying myself.