I continue to give all "the benefit of the doubt"--- to believe until results results and revelation put compassion in its place. There is nothing that deserves judgment---only recognition followed by compassion. All the "d" words can disappear: disdain, disgust, disapproval, dismay, denigration, on and on and be replaced with compassion, company, community. So my alphabet begins with A for acceptance, the proceeds to B for belief, and then goes to "c" for compassion. I can stop there.
Someone stole a ring I was selling to help pay my daughter's college tuition during an especially challenging financial time for me. The police were convinced a fellow worker was the thief, but I knew him and did not believe he would steal from me. A half year later, the police caught my friend in a trap they set and came to me to "gloat" that I had been wrong in my belief. When they revealed that he had been caught, I realized that I was only sorry that he had not come to me in his need so I told them that I only wished that he had shared his need and I would have given it to him. When the statement came out of my mouth I knew I meant it! The police individually still marvel with me at my answer and tell me that it still makes them think of those they accuse as people first. AND, more importantly, my reaction has led me to see those who do wrong as potential friends for whom I could give my all and my best to save them. A little dramatic, as I read this----I tell the story more completely---but essentially it's the same. I now can "see" humanity first without qualification or judgment and approach with compassion and curiosity. Saves energy and continuously expands my heart range. What a gift my friend gave me. I use past tense because he went to prison and as a young, mentally limited, gay, black man in the 80's ended his time there dead of Aids. I did not get to tell him how much he contributed to my life so I tell his and my story often. I still see his face and hear him laugh.
On Dec 20, 2022 Ruth wrote :