Self-Compassion Over Self-Esteem

Self-compassion is kindness to ourselves. We all go through suffering and delightfulness.. There are two ways of relating to our suffering and joyfulness: accepting our joys and sorrows compassionately without comparing ourselves with others and that way feeling up and down. There are two components of compassion: self-empathy and self-kindness. As we all know that we are not perfect. Whenwe compare ourselveswith others and feel higher or lower than others we get disconnected with ourselves and others. Such a perspective causes disconnection, separation and isolation.

When I was studyingat the University of Chicago my self-esteem was somewhat wounded when I compared myself with other students who were brighter than me. I felt a sense of inferiority. My self-esteem was affected by what was going on in my mind, thoughts of not-good enough. When I developed friendship with aforeign studentwho felt compassion for me. I felt his empathic understanding and kindness for me. His compassion for me enkindled the light of self-compassion and self acceptance in me. I am very grateful to him for bringing me out of the dark period of my life.

Whathelps me make space for Self-compassion? I find the idea offered by KristinNeffquite helpful. As she writes, " Instead of endlessly chasing self-esteem, we embrace ourselves with kindness."Being empathic and compassionate to myself is very helpful to me to cultivate self-compassion. Practicing mindfulness meditation and non-judgmental self-awarenesshave been a blessing to me.

May we cultivate self-compassion and compassion for others as we are going through tough times in our life!

So beautifully written! But very difficult to do. What can I do in a situation where I find that i'm assessed, gauged or looked down upon? In that case scenario, isnt it but natural to feel less of that self compassion for oneself?. I try practising meditation, but find that my mind churns up a lot of negative recordings over and over again, and instead of helping me, it makes me feel worst.

A very authentic and honest observation, Mona. I could relate very much to that. Might it help to start saying to oneself that "this" ( be it something causing pleasure or something causing pain) is just happening in consciousness . It may seem artificial to begin with. But I trust by and by there will arise equanimity - in case this 'imagination' is a true fact of the way reality actually is, though not felt as of now. Now what is automatically felt is that the experience is happening to, and is caused in some way, by "me"