Listening deeply is the simplest way to be loving. It helps people think better and feel better. When someone I am listening to well gets an insight, and perhaps now sees her or himself as valued and valuable, competent and powerful I feel great. I've justified my existence in the world in some way.
I have had many experiences of being listened to deeply. I meet regularly online and face to face in pairs with several people and we take turns listening to each other. Half an hour each way once a month not only helps me think better about my work and life it also radically increase my ability to listen to others. I've learned through this not to pay attention to the inner chatter in my head when I am listening. I've been doing this for forty years. It always works.
A long time ago I remember talking to Dot, who was very shy and quiet, about the difficult relationshipthat I had with my wife's mother (M). She listened and then said, very diffidently,"that must be very frustratingfor you". I felt understood and soon afterwards started interacting more with M and found myself enjoying it. The whole conversation with Dot took less than 10 minutes.
On Feb 4, 2020 Nick Heap wrote :
I have had many experiences of being listened to deeply. I meet regularly online and face to face in pairs with several people and we take turns listening to each other. Half an hour each way once a month not only helps me think better about my work and life it also radically increase my ability to listen to others. I've learned through this not to pay attention to the inner chatter in my head when I am listening. I've been doing this for forty years. It always works.
A long time ago I remember talking to Dot, who was very shy and quiet, about the difficult relationshipthat I had with my wife's mother (M). She listened and then said, very diffidently,"that must be very frustratingfor you". I felt understood and soon afterwards started interacting more with M and found myself enjoying it. The whole conversation with Dot took less than 10 minutes.