After returning to the US after a short 2 week service trip to Sri Lanka, I feel a lot of the difficulties in my ways of thinking and outside in broader life too. I left depressed but came back refreshed and reaffirmed. But now as I meditate, I find myself depressed and confused again so much so that I feel a desire to leave the US for good. Right now, I don't know if that's the right thing to do. So, I shall see tuesday night how I am and where my mind is at. I think the my homeboys like Siddartha Gautama, would have told me the same advice as in this TOW. To try to get a feel of what perceptions and mental structures have conditioned this"bad mood" in me. If I have progressed I might be able to see one level deeper into what caused those conditions and as I get better at meditation, I'll probaby be able to have an understanding how some conditions are chained together and be able to react with much better ease. I practice annpanna sati at the hour long tuesday meditations. Some friends that come to meditate with me practice vipassna and say it's slightly more intense. I used run away from having to think about why I'm in a wierd mood, but now I'm actually studying on techniques to practice getting a feel for myself.
On Feb 5, 2008 supun wrote :