The Place That is Free of Suffering

This is a gift in what Eckhart Tolle is expressing; this point when there is the realization suffering is unnecessary.  I have my own personal brand of suffering and the shocking realization is letting it go of this suffering is not simple.  Sometimes I am caught in the grip of obsession over negative thoughts, and my relentless self-reproaches become delusional thinking.   If I become convinced I am utterly and permanently defective there is no ray of hope to intrude.  I go around in my self-enclosed circles and I can feel my identity caught in my woundedness and with my sense of inner deficiency.  I can make a lifestyle out of suffering. 
 
Holding onto my suffering offers this tension, complaints, conflict, blaming, drama, rationalization, projection, justification and all the energy this allows.  It is like if I let go of my suffering who would I be.  Yet I do not want to go back into this delusional thinking where there is no ray of hope and endless suffering.  In my letting go of my story and suffering is the realization my conclusion is shocking.  The conclusion is shocking because there is no accomplishment or achievement.  The conclusion is nothingness.  This nothingness and void feels like walking of the edge of the world, like death itself.   
 
This death is my boring life and this feels like depression, where there is no coming back to life.  Just recently, though, in my “nothingness” and in my years of letting go I began to feel the satisfaction of stillness.  This moment was not a feeling or even inspiration, as there was just this calm, peace and stillness.  My inner void could be quiet.  I also noticed I was not filling my void with suffering or my story.  This emptiness paradoxically created a personal being and it seems like an identity centered in Essence.  Divine awareness appeared to be the guide, rather than my projects and preoccupations of my suffering and personality. 
 
I have discovered this stillness in the Now, as Eckhart has penetrated profoundly.  It is also my discovery of this unanticipated truth.  I say unanticipated because I am shocked the conclusion is “nothingness” like death itself, yet it is everything.  The Now is the hidden element of stillness.  It provides the key to understand the whole.  This Now is like a leap from the known to the unknown, falling into the void and everything emanates from it.  The void is completely empty and is full of potentiality and is everything.
 
                       

 Dear Syd,

I can imagine you have accomplished/achieved much!  Give yourself the credit due!  You might have to try "seeing" your life with God's eyes and not your own.  You are a teacher, for one.  You are giving us a picture of your reality . . . You are teaching us . . . And this is good!  

Thank you me, as you appear to be communicating how I plant seeds of my own interiority and I need to give myself credit for this.  You are probably right, yet I am also doing my best to not take special satisfaction in my achievements.  The reason I am not doing this because my pride gets in the way and it creates this vainglory in my goodness.  My childhood background is agriculture, specifically cattle ranching, and in this environment everyone took pride in being the victor, the superior person of a stronger will.  Pride was constantly at stake.  Pride is also denial.   It is the inability to admit I am hurting inside.  Pride is even this unwillingness to acknowledge my suffering and my neediness.  So in my writing I am breaking my pride as my fundamental denial. 
 
However, denial can also deny the good, which is what you are communicating.  It seems to balance this scale between denial (pride) and acceptance of my good is self-acceptance.  Self-acceptance feels like the starting point that makes everything else possible.  It feels like self-acceptance stops this need to be false about myself and also stops grandiose fantasies.  Self-acceptance is simply acknowledging I am a limited human being and taking responsibility to develop myself within my limitations. 
 
Acceptance, self-acceptance, is modest and direct.  The energy from it is being nothing less and nothing more.  Acceptance is real.  Self-acceptance feels like this interior person can adapt.  It feels like it is not even a matter of changing attitudes or deepening my values, but learning to have self-acceptance in what I am not.  Self-acceptance embodies the real, real authenticity.  It feels like you are communicating it does not matter how many accomplishments I pile up, my value is this ability to be myself, deeply and completely.   
 
I will say, I am beginning to understand my value is not based on a particular achievement.  I suspect when self-acceptance becomes my full value, with no inflated notion of myself, the depths of my heart will be expressed.  This self-acceptance is learning to be truly myself and to love simply and genuinely.  This love creates this flow from within and right now and it is independent of doing and even this need for an accomplishment.  Everything is happening together and this freedom helps to take away suffering.  It is place to rest in self-acceptance.
 
Your presence is significant, me, and the meaningfulness you offer is simply my learning to rest in my true identity.  Your presence and your preciousness offer hope and she is in the power of the Now, as Eckhart Tolle could say.    And thank you me for having a caring and good heart, as this is truly your value, your special value where you offer this dynamic hope!

 Syd, I went to church yesterday (as I try to do every Thursday morning) to pray for you and others like you (me).  The theme for the mass was ""Prayer" . . . Amen!  I learned there, that I can pray anywhere (and I do) . . . I can pray in any position of my body (and I do) . . . I can pray using any number of prayer methods . . . . Ect.
My point and purpose for being present IN CHURCH, is to be proof "God hears our prayers" (even when we feel invisible/unaccomplished)
i am/we are "accomplished" in Him

 A friend, wow, this is powerful, saying our accomplishment is in Him.  Your writing appears to be a prayer itself.  Your prayer offers this natural communion and your prayer makes this Presence intimate.  Your prayer is like the root going back to original source, Being itself.  Your prayer is a profound satisfaction to me and for all of humanity.  Thank you!     

Like you, Syd . . . a prayer.  God digs deep to get to our beginning.