I needed this today. Over the last four years, I have helped and enabled four colleagues establish a successful program and platform to train others in our shared expertise. At this fifth annual occurrence of our workshop, I stepped away to let them take it forward on their own, using much of what I had helped create. At the conference, I stopped by their session to visit and greet them. I just like to stay connected. Three of them greeted me warmly but one of them, the oldest who assumed leadership, ignored and snubbed my goodwill visit so completely that I was surprised and hurt. Last year I was explaining Indian food to her grand-daughter at the meal after our session and this year I did not even deserve a proper hello! What happened? Was she upset that I had not joined them and chose to do something new with another new group of colleagues? Did I do something wrong in not having interacted during the year at all (we are not co-located)? Am I hurt because I was seeking to be acknowledged for my contributions to the success of this workshop? I volunteered to step away and wished them all success in carrying it forward. I had no interest in being acknowledged as a contributor, but I did expect to be acknowledged as a person and a friendly presence who came with goodwill. The passage reminds me that I have shared all I could of myself. She simply sees me as a colleague whose job is done while I see her as a life long friend. I suspect that she has no radar to detect the friendship vibe. She is threatened by perceived competition when all I ever see is cooperation. She likes being a leader and I am more at ease being a ladder. There is more than enough work to keep us all busy. I wish her well and will still see her as a friend, in case she ever needs one.
On Aug 12, 2014 Jyoti wrote :
I needed this today. Over the last four years, I have helped and enabled four colleagues establish a successful program and platform to train others in our shared expertise. At this fifth annual occurrence of our workshop, I stepped away to let them take it forward on their own, using much of what I had helped create. At the conference, I stopped by their session to visit and greet them. I just like to stay connected. Three of them greeted me warmly but one of them, the oldest who assumed leadership, ignored and snubbed my goodwill visit so completely that I was surprised and hurt. Last year I was explaining Indian food to her grand-daughter at the meal after our session and this year I did not even deserve a proper hello! What happened? Was she upset that I had not joined them and chose to do something new with another new group of colleagues? Did I do something wrong in not having interacted during the year at all (we are not co-located)? Am I hurt because I was seeking to be acknowledged for my contributions to the success of this workshop? I volunteered to step away and wished them all success in carrying it forward. I had no interest in being acknowledged as a contributor, but I did expect to be acknowledged as a person and a friendly presence who came with goodwill. The passage reminds me that I have shared all I could of myself. She simply sees me as a colleague whose job is done while I see her as a life long friend. I suspect that she has no radar to detect the friendship vibe. She is threatened by perceived competition when all I ever see is cooperation. She likes being a leader and I am more at ease being a ladder. There is more than enough work to keep us all busy. I wish her well and will still see her as a friend, in case she ever needs one.