I grew up without a sense of self. Having told repeatedly and religiously that you are not your body, you are not your emotions, all that means nothing, I was thoroughly confused with what I was really. I could not relate to any God outside of me as in general I felt lack of trust. I never truly learned humility without collapse. The only way to feel a sense of validation for my existence was trying to access it through some ego identity. The more I tried to feel some puffed up bigness, smaller I felt. I struggled a lot and landed with some pure gifts of human suffering. I learned the difference between the self we create in terms of our body through our beliefs, thoughts and emotions - and the Self that is a observer, creator and a seeker of liberation from it all. The inner higher Self allows me clear discernment of my choices in alignment with my values and the human person self allows me to function towards my purpose as it unfolds through me. I can identify my body, thoughts and emotions to be the tools, when used skilfully, a true expression of my purpose of this lifetime is allowed. Body is my primary dwelling that I care for, just like my concrete home that is my secondary dwelling.
I still feel a sense of dilemma within. A coherent sense of self, that is my personality, like Paul Fleischman describes is a new experience to me(after a life-altering experience of disintegration & rebirth of a kind). I have so much need in me to be witnessed, acknowledged and appreciated for how I am in this lifetime, that I find myself self-indulgent. Wanting to talk about myself, share my experiences, own with words how I appear, what I experience. It often overpowers my desire to serve, feel selfless in my attitude. I am guarded about risking losing myself again while prioritizing others. It feels necessary to own my new creation of myself and love for myself. How then am I making the right use of my sacred tool of body and mind in service of this life given to me? How will I be able to find exactly what the purpose of my journey is, if I am still so self-focused? Is it that telling my story of how I landed at these knowings and raw awakenings - in itself my purpose in service of those who could use it to find their self empowerment and love and awakening?
On Sep 6, 2018 Pragalbha Doshi wrote :
I grew up without a sense of self. Having told repeatedly and religiously that you are not your body, you are not your emotions, all that means nothing, I was thoroughly confused with what I was really. I could not relate to any God outside of me as in general I felt lack of trust.
I never truly learned humility without collapse. The only way to feel a sense of validation for my existence was trying to access it through some ego identity. The more I tried to feel some puffed up bigness, smaller I felt.
I struggled a lot and landed with some pure gifts of human suffering. I learned the difference between the self we create in terms of our body through our beliefs, thoughts and emotions - and the Self that is a observer, creator and a seeker of liberation from it all.
The inner higher Self allows me clear discernment of my choices in alignment with my values and the human person self allows me to function towards my purpose as it unfolds through me. I can identify my body, thoughts and emotions to be the tools, when used skilfully, a true expression of my purpose of this lifetime is allowed. Body is my primary dwelling that I care for, just like my concrete home that is my secondary dwelling.
I still feel a sense of dilemma within. A coherent sense of self, that is my personality, like Paul Fleischman describes is a new experience to me(after a life-altering experience of disintegration & rebirth of a kind). I have so much need in me to be witnessed, acknowledged and appreciated for how I am in this lifetime, that I find myself self-indulgent. Wanting to talk about myself, share my experiences, own with words how I appear, what I experience. It often overpowers my desire to serve, feel selfless in my attitude. I am guarded about risking losing myself again while prioritizing others. It feels necessary to own my new creation of myself and love for myself. How then am I making the right use of my sacred tool of body and mind in service of this life given to me? How will I be able to find exactly what the purpose of my journey is, if I am still so self-focused? Is it that telling my story of how I landed at these knowings and raw awakenings - in itself my purpose in service of those who could use it to find their self empowerment and love and awakening?