Funny how when I read the passage above, I understood instinctively that the hatred/pain I've felt towards some of the people in my life stemmed from a feeling of 'not good enough'. I always thought of those people as having harmed me. I feel the anger and hatred renewed every time i revisit old memories or meet people who arouse similar emotions in me. I do want to be a gentle, loving person and quell that hatred in me. I used to blame my family for not 'saving me' and experienced guilt over blaming them and not being grateful etc. I think the underlying issue here is I wished I could have done something differently, stand on my feet, say what I wanted and hopefully 'saved' myself from my suffering. I hate myself for being a weakling and am angry at myself for my inaction and passivity. And now, I'm taking it out on my family through my blame and keeping them at a distance. It is lonely for them and for myself. I want to stop blaming and let go. I want to surrender to what is in the present moment :)
On Dec 9, 2012 Esperanza wrote :