I was searching my heart this morning for the place where God met me that I searched my whole life to find so I might be able to explain with others this starting moment that drew me to believe God existed and was a personal God wanting us. His deep Kindness showed up when I had nothing, no more lucrative job to buy things that made me happy (in that moment) and relations drifted away when the lucrative job ended, to offer and where inadequacy, loss of hope and any sense of meaning to being here, and a hole in identity occupied. It was in this void, the one thing I did not know in my experience was the genuine deep kindness and desire to want to intimately know and to be known was this Presence that in a dark moment covered me and filled me from within. I didn't search for it, I didn't earn it, I did nothing for it, I had nothing to offer to gain this, and I was drowning myself in alcohol to subdure the great anguish of tge realization without all this "things" in my life- who was I? I was loved and accepted and drawn into a sacred intimate place to be known when in this deepest, most frail, undesirable, empty, broke, and brokenhearted place. That is the being I desire to be to others, and realize God is this starting place that this may be so as my rekation to this Center Place, His Love continues Kindness and Intimacy and from there growth in Him increases and maturing and likeness being developed. Thank you for reminding me when Kindness, and this personal starting place was found. To live for. To pursue more. To share by embodiment of the a kindness of God in the ordinary conversations of the day. A starting point to seed into another's being and essence- who they are not by what they do. I often pray, "God use me, this lump of clay to be who You desire, an instrument to bring an expression of Him into another's experience and knowing of His Nature." This is a start.
On Jul 31, 2024 Daughter of the Most High wrote :