Radical Optimism

For me bearing witness is being judgement free. There is always an outcome of every action, and on some level we are aware of that reality; even when we are in the present moment and free of any intention for a specific outcome. Radical optimism is the idea that whatever happens just is, and we do not need to concern ourselves with the outcome and whether it is good, bad, or what we want. In the case of enlightenment we are often motivated to engage in the path because we want to be free of the pain of our existence. This is not radical optimism, because it assumes that the pain of existence is something to be escaped or avoided. Last summer my son died at the age of 17 after a two year battle with drug addiction and the pain of his existence that led him to feel the need to escape. I am in the process of experiencing intermittent tremendous grief. Sometimes when I experience the grief I am in part making the time and space because I want to process the grief and move to the other side where it is not so painful - this is materialism. Yesterday I was having a particularly difficult time with the pain. It was my son's un-graduation day - his peers had their graduation ceremony. As I was allowing the present moment, including the pain of the loss and the details I was associating with it, it occurred to me that this was his only un-graduation day, and that I would never feel this quality of pain, this particular experience of loss, again. And over time, as has happened with my grief over the loss of my father who died almost 30 years ago, I will not feel pain of this intensity about my son anymore. And suddenly rather that being in that painful moment because I want to get to the other side of my grief, I was in that painful moment because that painful moment was, and I was, and my son was, and so it was. And I was there just because there is where I was. And that is a radical optimism. That our moments, no matter the quality or hues, are there for what they are, not for what comes next, not for what they will gain or create for us. The trap of spiritual materialism is that we do not get to be entirely present with what is because part of our awareness is focussed on what will be, what is good, and what is bad. Materialism fractures the moment and limits our experience. Acceptance, non-judgement, surrender, and appreciation can help us to experience our spirituality and the wholeness of our being, including our very human circumstances, in the moment in which they occur, whether they are painful, joyful, or anything in between.

My heart goes out to you. I am so sorry for the loss of your son.

Becky, your post is deeply resonating and I want to extend my gratitude for your words.