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I love this so much..thank you! I worked for many years in a company marked by what some called toxic positivity. It is not healthy for culture and can do real damage. I am prone to self-pity which shows up as resentment, comparing, and judgment. I have taken to throwing myself pity parties. I wallow, I list all of the things I hate about myself and others, I get pretty judgey. I don't tell myself I shouldn't feel this way, I just indulge in whatever is there. They're usually pretty short parties - maybe an hour or two, and sometimes I need a nap afterwards. The great news is that my need for them has lessened and they've gotten shorter. It's a little like watching a soap opera and as soon as I realize it's the same story with the same cast of characters, I can turn it off

The one belief I have hel for my entire life is that I'm not enough. And I have lived a life driven by fear of that others believe it too. Fear of being judged, rejected, abandoned because of my utter lack of worth. I have a complex and tense relationship with most of my siblings - one more than others. Some years ago we had an encounter that did not end well - we both demonstrated some pretty unsavory behavior. I attempted to talk through it, to resolve it but their hurt and rage came out in a lengthy text detailing all of the ways that I was the problem (ie. all of the ways I wasn't enough) followed by a severing of contact. My greatest fear had come true. I was rejected for not being enough. It was painful, heartbreaking, and cathartic. I knew I could not let this belief define me any longer and I turned down a path toward healing. It opened me to a world of inner beauty I never knew existed.