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I continue to give all "the benefit of the doubt"--- to believe until results results and revelation put compassion in its place. There is nothing that deserves judgment---only recognition followed by compassion. All the "d" words can disappear: disdain, disgust, disapproval, dismay, denigration, on and on and be replaced with compassion, company, community. So my alphabet begins with A for acceptance, the proceeds to B for belief, and then goes to "c" for compassion. I can stop there. Someone stole a ring I was selling to help pay my daughter's college tuition during an especially challenging financial time for me. The police were convinced a fellow worker was the thief, but I knew him and did not believe he would steal from me. A half year later, the police caught my friend in a trap they set and came to me to "gloat" that I had been wrong in my belief. When they revealed that he had been caught, I realized that I was only sorry that he had not come to me in his need so I told them that I only wished that he had shared his need and I would have given it to him. When the statement came out of my mouth I knew I meant it! The police individually still marvel with me at my answer and tell me that it still makes them think of those they accuse as people first. AND, more importantly, my reaction has led me to see those who do wrong as potential friends for whom I could give my all and my best to save them. A little dramatic, as I read this----I tell the story more completely---but essentially it's the same. I now can "see" humanity first without qualification or judgment and approach with compassion and curiosity. Saves energy and continuously expands my heart range. What a gift my friend gave me. I use past tense because he went to prison and as a young, mentally limited, gay, black man in the 80's ended his time there dead of Aids. I did not get to tell him how much he contributed to my life so I tell his and my story often. I still see his ... [View Full Comment] I continue to give all "the benefit of the doubt"--- to believe until results results and revelation put compassion in its place. There is nothing that deserves judgment---only recognition followed by compassion. All the "d" words can disappear: disdain, disgust, disapproval, dismay, denigration, on and on and be replaced with compassion, company, community. So my alphabet begins with A for acceptance, the proceeds to B for belief, and then goes to "c" for compassion. I can stop there. Someone stole a ring I was selling to help pay my daughter's college tuition during an especially challenging financial time for me. The police were convinced a fellow worker was the thief, but I knew him and did not believe he would steal from me. A half year later, the police caught my friend in a trap they set and came to me to "gloat" that I had been wrong in my belief. When they revealed that he had been caught, I realized that I was only sorry that he had not come to me in his need so I told them that I only wished that he had shared his need and I would have given it to him. When the statement came out of my mouth I knew I meant it! The police individually still marvel with me at my answer and tell me that it still makes them think of those they accuse as people first. AND, more importantly, my reaction has led me to see those who do wrong as potential friends for whom I could give my all and my best to save them. A little dramatic, as I read this----I tell the story more completely---but essentially it's the same. I now can "see" humanity first without qualification or judgment and approach with compassion and curiosity. Saves energy and continuously expands my heart range. What a gift my friend gave me. I use past tense because he went to prison and as a young, mentally limited, gay, black man in the 80's ended his time there dead of Aids. I did not get to tell him how much he contributed to my life so I tell his and my story often. I still see his face and hear him laugh.[Hide Full Comment]

Once a friend of mine who I had joined in living so that she could find her own magnificence said to me: "I was always my best with you---I just couldn't hold onto being it." I look at that comment often when I feel like my magnificent has shrunk or fallen into a box and move back into it's light in Crystal's honor and my own.

On my way to figuring out what my gift is, how my creativity surfaces, I, for many years have seen myself as not creative. Among people who draw and paint, I can only appreciate color, line, and subject. Among people who make music, who sing and play, I can only listen with awe and appreciation. Among those who write words of all kinds, I can only pass them on. When Malcolm Gladwell examined Paul Revere's role in the American Revolution, I began to remove the word "only" from my descriptions of myself and replaced it with the concept of connection and integration. I connect people to people, people to art, music, theory, practice, wonders of ourselves and the world. My art is sharing myself and the world with others, connecting those around me to themselves and their possibilities and souls, and I use words to paint pictures, I speak words to connect people with their deepest selves, I sing praise to all who can hear. How do I come alive? I show up, light up, and reflect the best of others onto themselves. My art is showing up as myself so that others can discover how to be the best of themselves alongside me. At 75, even though I have always "BEEN", I now can see how I have traveled my life and I am satisfied.