I feel some discomfort with Anthony's article. I think it is in his use of the concept of aloneness, for I believe that at our deepest essence we are one with all that is and therefore never alone. Even on the level of this human existence we are interdependent to the extent of never being alone. But this does not mean we must give up our ability, our responsibility to choose our response to whatever we encounter in life based on who we are at our core. In relinquishing our dependence on others to act toward us in ways that we define as loving, in choosing to act in ways that authentically reflect who we truly are, to live with integrity rather than trying to buy or force others to give us the love we want, we set ourselves free. We can then take responsibility for creating all the love that we need. The heart does not know the difference between receiving love from others and giving love to others. It is the flow of love that matters. When we live with love, we will have all the love that we could ever hope for.
I greatly appreciate the insight of this story.
I also believe that we shout when we are angry so that we will not have to hear what the other has to say. In love we only need to whisper because the other in listening intently. Our anger at others can come from fear, our fear of the perspective / the paradigm that the other is offering as we see it as threatening to our own. We then distance ourselves and strive to make the other wrong, bad or even evil rather than honouring the other and deeply listening to understand. We hold the other responsible for our unpleasant feelings and blame them instead of taking responsibility ourselves for the quality of our inner space.
I don't consider feelings to be positive or negative, good or bad. We may find some unpleasant and some pleasant, but all of our feelings are of value. They tell us how we are doing in this moment. Through deep understanding of our feelings we can gain claity about how to best respond in order to maintain or create harmony, balance and a sense of well-being for ourselves and for others. We need to avoid getting stuck in our feelings or blaming others for causing our feelings. Our feelings belong to us and we need to take responsibility for them. Honest, authentic expression of our feelings is best paired with respect for the other person and trheir needs and the avoidance of the use of guilt, shame and other manipulative behaviors in an attempt to control others. Even in major conflicts when we create a respectful connection with others miracles can happen.
To make others happy, act with compassion.
To make yourself happy, act with compassion.
The Buddha
Abbess Hildegard of Bingen (1098-1179) described herself as "a feather on the breath of God". Thus as we all are, never knowing where life will take us. We can never know the outcome of our actions, but when we act with love and compassion we invite the best that life has to offer, for ourselves and for each other.
John
The measure of one's spiritual development is the reach of his/her compassion.
J. Davis Pitts
On Dec 22, 2013 John wrote on Processing Anger With An Open Heart, by John Robbins and Ann Mortifee:
I really appreciate your recognition of the value of anger ( and I'd like to include all of our emotions), to often emotions are seen as negative, as a huge fallacy of the evolutionary process. Our feelings act as a guide as to how we are doing in the face of the surrounding circumstances and urge us to take action to enrich life, our own or that of others. Often we are educated to blame others for how we feel instead of taking responsibility for our feelings. we then to often seek to punish the other for making us feel unpleasant feelings by seeking revenge or retribution. Our minds can become very confused as a result of our dysfunctional conditioning. I suggest that our mind's first and foremost priority in times of emotional upheaval is to refer us to the heart. Once we have connected with the love and compassion of the heart we can then go to the mind to explore possible responses to the situation that stimulated our emotions.