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 To be on a spiritual path for me; is to notice the discomfort/ disease in any given situation,event, circumstance, person that i face. Sitting in stillness on the discomfort; noticing it in my body, mind and spirit;  being aware of the seperation that causes the discomfort/ disease.  Being willing to open up to the debris that emerge in the stillness; being with it as long as it stays and at times feel the " wind at the back of my neck "  when it lifts and clears the debris. Being grateful when that happens and asking for courage and humility to lift the debris . being aware and still to repeat the cycle when the next level of debris presents itself.

Thank you Catherine ; it is you who needs the first commendable pat of showing such courage to voice an opinion which is contrary to the existing one.  its your voice which encouraged me to follow it with my own experiences ;as well as now a the only way i thought would encourage self growth. in fact your response has not only reiterated my faith and belief but encouraged me that i too am not alone in this thought process which is backed up by my own experience. as a mother especially when gets conditioned on this " loving unconditionally "   and this gets followed up by way of a concept which comes in the way of bringing up children. there is no better experience than seeing the outcome of this concept in the resulting behaviors as they are right in front of you. its only when ones faith in ones own love is coupled with discipline and discernment that a balance is achieved. grateful to you to help me to reiterate faith in my own love and discernment.  

 " wholeness" to me is the belief that all is "oneness" of energy. it is energy that drives all of life rather than the belief that i held very strongly of "i " drive     life.  it is this " i " which created chaos; unanswered questions; strugles; resistance to life itself: in essense " suffering ". it is when i put this question to living "advaita" gurus that i was made to see that there is no "i" but there is suffering. the philosophy of " advaita" { non dualism"} if and when understood in the presense of living masters and also the pointers made by those that have left their bodies like Ramana Maharishi and  nIsaragadutta maharaj ; that  a simple shift takes place from  " I " to "THOU". And that thou is a pointer to "I AM THAT".  with this shift strugles; disappointments; fears; anxiety; ......the burden seems to drop and a certain centerdness of "peace" at the backdrop emerges while life continues with its pleasures and pains but there is a minimal "i " to care. the "i" or the ego   is not given a seperate identity as you are that.   There is no more a strugle with " suffering " but  A DEEP ACEPTANCE OF LIFE AS IS.  

 your response is in keeping with the philosophy of "ADVAITA" non-dualism . it states that it is this " energy which flows through us and leads us rather than we leading life. this is truly humbling and encouraging . it puts all of lifes mighty questions to rest. this philosophy goes back a thousand years and is described in all of the upanishads; the geeta; and ofcourse the most recent living sagee " ramana maharishi";  nisaragadatta maharaj;.

 i am in total aggreance with your thought process of not being in a constant " unconditional giving " even though as i realise i am a "  giver" and enjoy that part of myself. however as lifes experiences made me aware that this unconditional giving is taken  " for granted "; encouraged " co-dependency "; selfishness;lethargy..... only when i experienced that did i change my own attitude to " learn and teach how to fish "; rather than " hand over the ready fish " with the kind of personalities we hold i agree it is difficult to say " no" but the consequences of it when seen are far more damaging. hence the practise to say " no " when required{ that is when all the negative outflow is emerging } is imperative. thanks for sharing your thought process on this as it has both encouraged and motivated to renounce the path of " unconditional giving " .