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I fell in love with this person and it lasted just 21 days... This was my second attempt at relationship. I was very skeptical about it at the begining... our sunsign did not match (so teenage like!) but he made me believe that I can trust what we created between us.

The relationship helped me discover such beautiful aspect of myself which I either was not aware of or was not accepting about. It made me fall in love with myself and the inner beauty in me. And this was happening for the first time in my life, yes I was loving myself and was completely accepting of 'me'.

In the middle of third week, he started becoming aloof... he was going through rough phase but towards the end I could sense that it was going no where. So when I asked him he said that it was not working out for him... he did not give me any reason for calling it off and gave me two comments - he said that he felt that spark was gone and that I was like his mirror image.

For me spark comes, stays and goes to come back again... what one need is endless hope and unquestionable commitment to enjoy the spark till it is there and to bring it back when it is gone... It is easy to start a relation and to end one... but to sustain one is the task which requires complete you and you forever... with your beauty and with the ugly too, with complete honesty... to celebrate the positives and accept the downs, fully

And today I am out of my last relation with great amount of positivity because I gave everything that I had... I did not hold back anything to first test if it will last and then give, or held myself to protect from the hurt I will feel if it would go away after having given myself completely. I believed in it with my eyes closed... and when it went away I felt sad and then I decided that I will live all my relations that I have in my life to the fullest because it is so fulfilling an experience... and today I am connecting to my folks and friends like I never did before... the process which started with the news of loosing a friend in an accident has moved to next level of enriching my life with positive experiences.

And I am thankful to God and feel really blessed to have been bestowed by such experiences and realisations...

Love

Gulrez

I never witnessed death closely as such but an incident helped me change my attitude towards life. I have always known that deep down I am a relation person who is more into having quality life rather running for the materialist pleasures. Somewhere I messed up with my relations with my mother, my father, my brothers and my friends too as negativity in one aspects affects everything else... and I know what the reason behind that was. Being in relations truly and living life the way it comes requires lot of emotional maturity and acceptance within to handle what comes ones way. I was not emotionally sorted out and I never accepted and loved myself. So I tried running away from my relations, not out of fear of how they would react to my realities but, because I was scared of handling the pulls and pushes that will come my way while relating with them, by letting me theirs completely, by belonging to them, by letting me be affected by them. I was too weak and dread being vulnerable to emotions. So I created distance between me and ones I loved. I thought the distance will help be escape but it did not for I found myself living a false and very unhealthy life.

And then one day while surfing on one of the social sites, I saw a pop up to wish a friend whose b'day I had forgotten. I did send him a very banal happy birthday message and completely forgot about it. Next day, I saw a message from one of his friend I had never known saying that my friend had died in a road accident months ago. I was numbed... such a beautiful looking, nice, young, good hearted guy he was! And I started regretting all the missed opportunities I could have used to connect with him while he was alive... That was the day I decided I will not let it happen with me ever. I will connect to people as if this is the last moment I have got to touch them. And I am on my mending ways... the process is slow, I am reaching out to people... letting them know who I am, my feelings and helping them express themselves... I am still trying to make sense of life, various feelings, attachments, detachments, and death, loss that we experience... I am still discovering myself... but this time I am not desperate, I am not down and lonely... I am letting life affect me and I am living it to the fullest

Love

Gulrez