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In this world of self-reliance and independence, I truly miss the beauty of being reliant and dependent.

"If we are busy, we are important - this statement is so relatable. I have found myself to embody this statement quite often recently. I would intentionally make up tasks to add to my to-do list in order to seem "busy". For some reason, multitasking has always been one of my strong suits - because now that I see, I felt "important" thinking that there as so much to do. However since the past few months of this self elf exploration journey, I have realize the imp. Of doing "nothing" and slowing down, to make time always for friends and family. Afterall balance in both of these realms is what will keeps the ship afloat. I hope to not add unnecessary talks to my to-do list and approach tasks without pushing them off.

Putting names to these different kinds of giving was really helpful. I have found myself doing the beggarly giving when it is going to someone who already has abundance or who isn't close to my heart. And i have found myself kingly giving, when i gave to the people really in need and yet not close to my heart. I found myself friendly giving to ones close to my heart. And now i am on this journey, to jut accept myself, give myself, replenish and then come out as a kingly giver irrespective of the closeness or abundance.

"Money is like water"- I really love this analogy. I have experienced this first hand in my own interactions with the underserved communities. Coming from a privileged place, i find it my responsibility to acknowledge this privilege and use it to the best of the benefit of the underserved. After i left India and moved to states, i realized the power of having money and the change it can bring. When my 1 meal started to equal a whole stationery kit for a kid in India, i realised the power of taking a step back in my spending and keeping it aside for it to flow in the right direction. Since that shift in my brain, this calculation of money for pleasure v/s money for need always takes place. And i am really grateful to have this privilege of being in 2 very diff. countries in terms of development and using my power in a manner that supports my community :)

I think that listening is like music for me; I don't have a particular taste or a particular band that I go crazy about; it's all about my mood and what vibe I am in. Somedays I am just focusing on the music and the words are a blur to me(1st type). Some days its all about the meaning behind the words (2nd type). Somedays everything feels relatable (3rd type); and in very few occasions, somedays music just opens up my soul, leaving a huge impact on my life. That is how I feel with conversations.; the energy; the relationship; personal mental state - all of these contribute towards the kind of listening i will be experiencing. I attended a 4 day silence retreat once. In between the mountains, i would wake up with the sunrise every single day; witness the sunset, not have any external noise. Just me and my thoughts. It took me some time to settle in with this feeling, but once it did and once the chatter inside my head was quiet; I was able to open up the space for generative listening of our meditation teachers and experience the strong power of the words, and the meaning they carry. I am yet to practice the art of consciously choosing my level of listening. Till now i think its been my preconceived notions and biases towards people that decides how I walk into a conversations. Hoping to change it slowly.