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 What  I have personally discovered is that my most intimate relationships (3 husbands) and my children (7) were my very best teachers.  Each one awakened in me many of my unfinished parts.  They brought to the surface, my everyday consciousness, aspects of my personality that hindered my awakening to all that I could be.  I tend to do things in grand style and invite learnings at a heightened state.  Suits my persona.  Now in my winter years I can only smile and offer gratitude for all the gifts they brought me.  Some I resisted holding on by my fingernails and protesting loudly.  But...you only react to what you know or what you feel or what you own.  Now in the winter of my years it is not my inner work that makes my life full of joy and blessings.  It is my inner work displayed outward in my silence, my feelings, my words, my energy of who I am becoming. 

 What a delightful arrangements of words from Anthony de Mello.  Words are like musical scores.  There are only so many words one can use but the possibilities of the melodies never stop surprising me.  It's like most music arrangements, some resonate well and fill your soul, others are dissonant to our readiness or lack of readiness to hear the underscore of the music. or the song it sings.

 Anthony's sharing of words or his arrangement of words resonates well with me at this time and I feel that I can hum along, the music or words are familiar and the arrangement pleases my soul.  It is another way of using the Buddha;s teaching 'No Avoidance, No Craving'.  Have the full experience just do not set up expectations or it will feed your addiction of your dependency on the action or reaction of others to make you feel 'full' for the moment.  The moment is temporary and it will rear its hungry head and you will crave more.  More approval, more recognition, all the what if's creep back in needing another fix. 

When I recognize what is happening I remember the words of Teihard de Chardin.  "We are all spiritual beings here having a human experience."   So I choose or not choose to have the full experience of exploring my humanness. Slowly, ever so slowly over the decades I am liberating myself of the expectations. And then my personality, humanness creeps back in and I allow the emotional embroilment to grasp and hold me for a while until I step back and simply enjoy the moment.

 Thank you for your words.  The older I am the simpler my thoughts and projections have become.  I once thought "I know what I know" and lectured, gave seminars, weekend retreats and thought "how spiritual I am". Now I know nothing.  I have lost my words.  I question 'my intent and  my purpose" when  pursuing 'good works' or attempting to create change or most of all when interacting in my relationships. I have discovered being in a personal emotional relationship as a partner or spouse, being a parent, a householder with all it's daily minutiae is the most challenging 'spiritual' journey.   Being clear on my intent and my purpose  seems to affect the long term goal.  Remembering Teillard de Chardin's words: "We are all Spiritual Beings here having a Human Experience"  colours my actions and reactions and this appears to create positive change all around me.