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I was married to a man for 30 years and we were always in each others business instead of our own. I was so dependent that I needed to know what he was thinking, if he loved me, was he seeing someone else, was I thin enough for him, etc. He, on the other hand, was in the business of improving me - I should be thinner, I should do this to the kids, I should know what he wants, I should be there for him, etc. I woke up one day to this relationship that had no selves and had to leave. Each day I work on myself in order to be able to give and see and care the right way about the reality and others.

 I have found through hard work on my own mind, in talking with myself, that I have been able to see I am not in control of anything except how I react, feel, and accept the reality. In learning this, I have been able to let go of trying to control the reality nor have it control me. I am able to accept it. What is exciting about this is that I have no idea what is going to happen next and I do not look at that fact in dread. Whatever it is could be extremely positive or negative but I cannot control which, I can only control my acceptance. I continue to work on this daily as I slip back into my attempt to make everything work the way I think it should. By working on this, I have been there when my parents have died and felt that it was very much a part of their and my life. I am at peace with it in a way I never was before. While I continue to have fear and anxiety, I work to let them go when I become aware that they are in my reality and I am able to do so. I did not think I would ever become this peaceful inside. It reminds me of when I was a child and sat and looked at the sky and time and the beauty were everlasting and fed me life.