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What if...? What would I do? What would I sing?

Thank you, Vyaas, such a beautiful, heartwarming and meaningful sharing that touched in my inner knowing as truth and clarity. I am very grateful. with Metta, Sandy

Such a beautiful sharing and teaching of awareness, presenting and our limitations... thank you, David.

One day I was sitting in my friend's office feeling bored, feeling I should be doing something. I asked why can I do? He looked up from his work. Put down his pencil. Looked at me. With a placid face, he said"do what you always do." What's that I asked? "Spread your light." I was confused. I got up and went walking around the temple. How do I spread my light, I wondered? My energy moved to my head as I pondered.people who came greeted me. I smiled. Yet I was still pondering. I was confused. I was out of my element. I felt heavy. After many hours, I returned to myself. Back to my element. Smiled inwardly and allowed myself the freedom to be....to allow my heart its freedom to open and to close...to let the judgment go and stop seeking... to come to the presence of the moment...to be.

This question run deep and is at the core of the anger that had built up inside of me. To turn away from the corruption, cruelty, starvation, vastly growing poverty, the destruction of our mother’s health, poisoning of our world and those creating so much harm to others intentionally has been a dilemma for me. I was brought up with the turn the other cheek perspective and the harm I allowed to myself could fill movies. Not interesting ones as the situation, like most, we are trying to learn from kept repeating in new ways as I had not learned to stand in my center and value myself while valuing others. To ask what is forgiveness? Who am I forgiving? Is forgiving another voice of the ego?... what am learning? Why do I keep bringing this into my life? In essence, what I was doing was empowering the blackness while at the same time enabling light through collaborative systemic process change and empowering project work. There was some good in my work for the other, but what I was doing was creating more and more confusion for myself and a resentment –the fuel for powering the blackness—that was hidden deep in me. My heart aches when I see pain and I want to step in. In fact, if I am not doing something, I feel vacant and question my purpose on being on earth now. It seems that the world we came from is getting darker and darker. The more I engage with it, the more ill I get… and the more a sense of helplessness arises. The closer I get to the problems of the people, the less I see how to move forward these days. Then, the birds start singing, the dog barks and I realize that all is enough… all is light… all is love. This, of course, sounds contradictory. It is not. The day of the warrior is over. The warrior whether of good or evil is what got us into this mess to begin with. Warriors need battles… and battles need righteousness and an enemy. Can I turn away from a drowning person? As I ask this question, I think of my father who had ptsd his who... [View Full Comment] This question run deep and is at the core of the anger that had built up inside of me. To turn away from the corruption, cruelty, starvation, vastly growing poverty, the destruction of our mother’s health, poisoning of our world and those creating so much harm to others intentionally has been a dilemma for me. I was brought up with the turn the other cheek perspective and the harm I allowed to myself could fill movies. Not interesting ones as the situation, like most, we are trying to learn from kept repeating in new ways as I had not learned to stand in my center and value myself while valuing others. To ask what is forgiveness? Who am I forgiving? Is forgiving another voice of the ego?... what am learning? Why do I keep bringing this into my life? In essence, what I was doing was empowering the blackness while at the same time enabling light through collaborative systemic process change and empowering project work. There was some good in my work for the other, but what I was doing was creating more and more confusion for myself and a resentment –the fuel for powering the blackness—that was hidden deep in me. My heart aches when I see pain and I want to step in. In fact, if I am not doing something, I feel vacant and question my purpose on being on earth now. It seems that the world we came from is getting darker and darker. The more I engage with it, the more ill I get… and the more a sense of helplessness arises. The closer I get to the problems of the people, the less I see how to move forward these days. Then, the birds start singing, the dog barks and I realize that all is enough… all is light… all is love. This, of course, sounds contradictory. It is not. The day of the warrior is over. The warrior whether of good or evil is what got us into this mess to begin with. Warriors need battles… and battles need righteousness and an enemy. Can I turn away from a drowning person? As I ask this question, I think of my father who had ptsd his whole life dealing with the question and the guild of leaving behind those he could not save in the aftermath of a tsunami. When the number of drowning is well beyond my power, do I keep spinning and keep trying to save them all and watch myself becoming part of the whirlpool going down into the depths of the water? That has been my way… Yet, I teach about creativity, the power of love, creating our new world with one foot being pulled into the abyss and the other looking for ground in the new world. And I lost between worlds. Addicted to helping. Afraid to trust that if I let go and move forward, I am abandoning… and my ego asks: then who will help, if not me? It is time to acknowledge that my ego is not guilting, but simply asking… and know that others will help… they will find a way. It is time to forgive myself that I am not the savior and cannot change the world. It is time to accept that that world I keep seeing is not the world of the new and I keep recreating the old in what I am seeing and have been addicted to… do I have courage to forgive myself? More importantly do I have the love to turn away and from the anger, frustration, overwhelm, wanting to fix and weed the garden in front of me without feeling that I am abandoning the world? If I step back and look, I can see some small ways forming. Again, my ego looking to justify. As I go deeper into my soul, I remember just being… and in just being the light shone through me. That was all. It was not that I didn’t do. What I did do came from my heart and each action shone. This is the key I have been looking for. If the action or moment is not shining in/from me, then the action is coming from my ego --- attachment to the battle, righteousness, and disempowering. WE are being of light learning to live in a body. As I write this a beautiful orange bird I have never seen before sang his song in front of me, inviting me to trust the love in my heart and its guidance. Thank you for opening the space and invitation for me to explore this deep pain and shine. [Hide Full Comment]

I can share a story ... maybe several... but truthfully, I don't have to desire to do so right now. I am drawn to what enables emergence ... and spell check suggested emergency as I typed... an that sums up the scenario for me, plus adding heart connection, desire to or feeling compelled to impact the whole while holding safe, creative emergence space for the whole to emerge into something new from the heart of center. My! What spiraling of words that are flowing at the moment. Maybe it is because I am so tired tonight after 2 days of traveling around the northern part of Sri Lanka, meeting farmers, kids and trying to understand why my friends think that the north is in so much worse shape than the south. What, you may ask, does this have to do with emergence? Well, for me, a lot at the moment. I realized that there an almost competitiveness in Sri Lanka about who has it worse. Is poverty in the north worse than poverty in the south? Are we suffering more than they are? Aren't you outraged about how our lives are? I have been listening to questions formed by a people not long out of war and living in a seemingly decaying economy. Yet, it was amazing spending time with these friends because Have so much love for them. At the same time, I found myself, responding with: "no" rather than feeling compelled to act. This is was interesting for me... and last night, I stayed awake wondering why. I realized in the comparisons there was no synergy, no forward movement from love, only a sense of moving away from. I showed pictures of some of the places we have donated food in the south (clearly showing greater poverty than in the north--well, not really clearly showing greater poverty, but showing poverty... poverty just like in the north... What emerged from this is an opening for my friends, my activist friends, to consider visiting the south... an opening... a moving away from the being right, the worst, in the most need to opening to a sharing of knowledge, methods, m... [View Full Comment] I can share a story ... maybe several... but truthfully, I don't have to desire to do so right now. I am drawn to what enables emergence ... and spell check suggested emergency as I typed... an that sums up the scenario for me, plus adding heart connection, desire to or feeling compelled to impact the whole while holding safe, creative emergence space for the whole to emerge into something new from the heart of center. My! What spiraling of words that are flowing at the moment. Maybe it is because I am so tired tonight after 2 days of traveling around the northern part of Sri Lanka, meeting farmers, kids and trying to understand why my friends think that the north is in so much worse shape than the south. What, you may ask, does this have to do with emergence? Well, for me, a lot at the moment. I realized that there an almost competitiveness in Sri Lanka about who has it worse. Is poverty in the north worse than poverty in the south? Are we suffering more than they are? Aren't you outraged about how our lives are? I have been listening to questions formed by a people not long out of war and living in a seemingly decaying economy. Yet, it was amazing spending time with these friends because Have so much love for them. At the same time, I found myself, responding with: "no" rather than feeling compelled to act. This is was interesting for me... and last night, I stayed awake wondering why. I realized in the comparisons there was no synergy, no forward movement from love, only a sense of moving away from. I showed pictures of some of the places we have donated food in the south (clearly showing greater poverty than in the north--well, not really clearly showing greater poverty, but showing poverty... poverty just like in the north... What emerged from this is an opening for my friends, my activist friends, to consider visiting the south... an opening... a moving away from the being right, the worst, in the most need to opening to a sharing of knowledge, methods, means and maybe an unseen inner shift to healing and opening to co-creating. I don't think I am answering the questions above. Nor do I feel that I can put into words what the last two days have been like, yet. It is just a feeling of something new is emerging... shaking up the status quo... what will emerge I don't know. I just know that with love we feel for each other... what ever emerges out of the synergy within the creative forces from our awarenesses, it will m=emerge with a higher vibration and a new story.[Hide Full Comment]

This questions comes at an interesting moment, I am just finishing up motion to my board for fundraising campaign for food gardens in Sri Lanka. By western standards, it is not a large amount of money, about 700 to 1000 USD per garden, yet the impact is vast for the several hundred people who will benefit from each food and fruit garden. A year ago, I found myself totally overwhelmed by the change in the economy that seemed to happen overnight in Sri Lanka. My heart broke ands sense of empathy took a deep hold on my heart. I felt so deeply for these people who were faced with food prices that were as much as 10 times higher than they were a few months earlier, the quickly deteriorating overall economic and health situation. While we at InMetta have been helping to provide emergency aid during COVID for what we had hoped was a temporary emergency aid situation, it has become clear that this is one that needs a fundamental cultural change and immediate local action. So we have started supporting the development of food and fruit gardens in schools and homes. We had hoped to receive EU funding for this, but an error in checking 2 wrong boxes at the end of our proposals put an end to that hope. Feeling deep compassion and finding myself empathizing with and taking on the sense of hopelessness that so many people are feeling in Sri Lanka, I felt stuck, overwhelmed and exhausted, as well as a kind of anger for my inability to act. Somehow, I found compassion for myself and appreciation for my own limits. Now, with my birthday coming on Sunday, our nonprofit approved last week by the IRS as a 501(c)3 and a proposal from one of my Buddhist Monk colleagues there for a food garden in my inbox right now... I feel hope. We will start building -- one garden at at time... as funding comes. I am learning to trust, to care for myself so I don't get overwhelmed with the gravity of the situation and continue to act out of lovingkindness with both compassion and empathy. ... [View Full Comment] This questions comes at an interesting moment, I am just finishing up motion to my board for fundraising campaign for food gardens in Sri Lanka. By western standards, it is not a large amount of money, about 700 to 1000 USD per garden, yet the impact is vast for the several hundred people who will benefit from each food and fruit garden. A year ago, I found myself totally overwhelmed by the change in the economy that seemed to happen overnight in Sri Lanka. My heart broke ands sense of empathy took a deep hold on my heart. I felt so deeply for these people who were faced with food prices that were as much as 10 times higher than they were a few months earlier, the quickly deteriorating overall economic and health situation. While we at InMetta have been helping to provide emergency aid during COVID for what we had hoped was a temporary emergency aid situation, it has become clear that this is one that needs a fundamental cultural change and immediate local action. So we have started supporting the development of food and fruit gardens in schools and homes. We had hoped to receive EU funding for this, but an error in checking 2 wrong boxes at the end of our proposals put an end to that hope. Feeling deep compassion and finding myself empathizing with and taking on the sense of hopelessness that so many people are feeling in Sri Lanka, I felt stuck, overwhelmed and exhausted, as well as a kind of anger for my inability to act. Somehow, I found compassion for myself and appreciation for my own limits. Now, with my birthday coming on Sunday, our nonprofit approved last week by the IRS as a 501(c)3 and a proposal from one of my Buddhist Monk colleagues there for a food garden in my inbox right now... I feel hope. We will start building -- one garden at at time... as funding comes. I am learning to trust, to care for myself so I don't get overwhelmed with the gravity of the situation and continue to act out of lovingkindness with both compassion and empathy. I am grateful for. this learning; pray for the good healthy and happiness of all; and know that we can only act within our own bandwidth. I realize that I cry often--when my heart is touched, when someone reaches out; when I feel I have touched another; when I look into someone's eyes and I feel grace; when I see someone doing small acts of kindness or just the laughter of a child , a baby, a couple holding hands, or my own offspring protesting and standing for peace. Compassion with empathy--acting form the heart while feeling and perceiving the another's perspective touches me the deepest and opens my heart wider with more love. [Hide Full Comment]

thankyou, Jan! so much these days I feel the fear of the light. How in theworld did this happen? The fear to go forward for all is see is darkness. The darkness is turning into gray before me, a form of mist. It is not heavy. yet, I cannot see beyond it. Still, I see myself moving through it into the unknown somehow. I don't know where I will go or what I will do. I know that through the mist and onward I will will be nurturing nature-- whatever nature my light reaches. My nature as well.
I wonder what the world will look like when the mist disappears? Where will I be? Who will be with me? What will the sound of our laughter be like? ... the feeling of a warm embrace on meeting, parting, for no reason at all... without thought? I am ready. My heart is ready.