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HENG SURE: June 22, 1977. I want to stop false thinking. I want to be empty in body and in mind all day. The mind runs on and is hard to stop. Working hard on concentration, I can sometimes stop my inner mind noise for just a few moments. Then it comes on again and I start over; I don’t have control over my mind. I am practicing control and I want very much to end my false thinking. It is hard work.
Yesterday at lunch I felt a strong surge of desire--just desire in general--wanting something from outside to fill me up. It manifested in wanting to talk with Heng Ch’au while eating lunch. The desire was really strong and I had to work hard to subdue it. I held on, though, and cut it off. Then later when more food was coming out I head eaten enough and I said "no more." I was able to stop then and it felt good. Immediately I connected that my trouble with false-thoughts was identical: I could not control my mind during the day ordinarily so how could I expect to control it when bowing? Why divide up the day like that? There is no difference between eating and bowing and working. To a cultivator, mindfulness is mindful all the time. Practice is practice all the time. That is called cultivation and that is practice of mind control. So be mindful and out of your misty, murky, dark, yinny self all the time, like right now.