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HENG CH’AU: June 21, 1977. A.M. Gone are: most fear and doubt (not all), sunburn, some arrogance, my criticizing others, rapping, "attainment" in three easy weeks, diarrhea, smooth sidewalks, parking meters, yesterday and the chance to get enlightened.
What continues is: vivid déjà vu’s, dreams of my family, sore knees, nodding during Chinese reading of Avatamsaka, police surveillance, "states," no Laundromats, false thinking, flowers every day, the winds, the tide, bowing once every three steps, this minute now and the chance for enlightenment.
Complain and resist all you want, my little made defiled mind, but we are not going home (backwards, that is). We are going to break through and cross over. First yourself, the nobody--no "self"--and then everything and everybody. Your days are numbered and so is your greedy, hateful, stupid deeds. Patience!
More Thoughts on Impermanence
If we are not coming into existence, then we are decaying--coming and going. Constant change, always movement. For most of us past our budding teens, eating just adds water to a leaking jar. There is no more growth, only falling apart. At best we simple ease the process a little.
If we could go fast enough with our minds and slow enough with our bodies, we could see the entire universe come and go, all like the passing of a day from dawn to dusk.
So is that all there is? Just coming in and going out like so many Christmas three lights? Can the conditional world be transcended? I am trying to find out.
The earth is like a loosely held together breathing sponge jigsaw puzzle. Bowing through that totally alive and moving, pulsing field, I was struck like never before with impermanence and my own limited time. What isn’t conditioned? I want to know. Somewhere between the experiences of the earthquake in Berkeley this year and the cold, dark winter nights in Northern Wisconsin when there was no sound, no noise, nothing at all but empty silence (I was 15 or so)--somewhere between or near those experiences I am looking for an opening.
"Will watching someone else eat satisfy your hunger?" the Master asks. "One thought unproduced, the entire substance manifests," say the Sixth Patriarch. How can I not try? What else counts a thimbleful?
Kuo Ying Brevoort sent some ching liang blam and a "special blend" of been pollen to make into a tea ("cool off" the hot false thinking mind). The offerings are from Buddha Root Farm in Oregon where Kuo Ying, Khuo Jye and their children grow and prepare herbs, "special blends," and their Buddha roots.
Bowing once every three steps is one of the 84,000 Dharma door. Suited to my measureless arrogance and lack of compassion. A big "self" needs a lot of sincere bow to even begin to open up to cultivating the Way.
I’m learning that every second and every thought is the ground, the chance for renewal. Bodhi or affliction with every "right now." No attaining, just maintaining.
L.A. County Paramedic Team stopped to find out what we were about. "I’m really curious," asked one, "what’s it like?" This guy was an outdoors type, real physical yet had a soft, sensitive side--healer, nurse.
"Do you meditate?"
"Ya, every day," he answered.
"Well, it’s a combination of wilderness backpacking and constant meditation and a little more."
"How long will it take?"
"We’re not out to break any speed records, mostly it’s an inside journey, working on our bad habits, and cleaning."
"I know what you mean and you don’t go fast on those. I wish you lots of luck."
"What about food?" the other asks. I explain Gold Mountain eating trip.
‘Whew! Vegetarian, once a day! Wouldn’t take long to get clear, focused, and centered on that regimen." Shook hands, took a release, and went to respond to a call.