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HENG SURE: June 8, 1977. The work constantly reminds me of my narrow heart. The Chinese phrase syin liang tai syau "Your heart/mind’s measure is too small," states the case. I am suspicious and not trusting of people. I exclude people from my world by finding fault, reserving judgment, withholding affection and approval. I am hardly a compassionate person. For me the greatest lesson comes from the Master’s verse:
Truly recognize your own faults and don’t discuss the faults
of others. Others’ faults are just my own.
Being of one substance is great compassion.
Not only are all people--all beings--made up of the four elements in a false and temporary form that changes and decays continually, but all the objects in creation are also composed thus. This includes my body. To separate them from myself and to act on the basis of distinction between self and the worlds is the result of ignorance.
The Bodhisattva vows to save all beings and he never misses a chance to tie up affinities with people, to make others happy, to give to and to server other people. He actually forgets himself, he empties his self in order to server others and to give to others. This is walking the Bodhisattva path and it results in a heart capacity as big as the ocean, and compassion as vast as empty space. I must cultivate compassion at all times.
The teacher opens the door; whether you walk through is up to you. You yourself must walk the path. Buddhas merely show the way.
All my life I have been an underachiever. Rarely have I "lived up to my promise." In elementary school the teacher in each grade would write on the report card "This young man has a lot of potential but he does not apply himself." It was the same throughout college; the only stroke of fortune that carried me through graduate school was a accurate set of ear and tongue equipment for mimicking Chinese sounds. I have also been able to intuit personality through the system of Western astrology. Both of these talents have come as if from past lives: I more remember them than study them. As for any other accomplishment I have enjoyed, it only came through intense outside pressure, the need for social approval, because of a time limit, or through competition.
In cultivating the Buddhadharma, laziness and underachieving will absolutely not bring success. Only constant hard work, perseverance and "trying your best" at all times will bring reward. I must walk through the door myself and really do the best possible job. I can put pressure only myself through regular and systematic review of the purpose of the work, that is, the establishment of the City of Ten Thousand Buddhas, bringing the Dharma to the West, repaying the kindness of my teacher, repenting of past bad karma, eliminating disasters, cultivating the Bodhisattva path and a host of other good reasons. This should certainly work. The reasons are quite clear.
I have excellent instruction, the finest personally tailored method, and constant supervision. I have a supportive family that sends every good wish and puts worth real effort and work to aid in the accomplishment of the vow. The situation is ideal.
So when it comes right down to me, to doing the work as best I can, to reflect all the forces and positive energies focused here, why do I still behave like the selfish, third-grader who does not apply himself and who does not realize his potential? Why when I bow, do I think about food and sex and when the bowing will be over? Why do I forget to use the simple method I have been given? What is the cloud of careless selfishness been given? What is the cloud of careless selfishness that dulls and deflects the straight, sharp cutting edge of the Dharma’s wisdom sword?
In straight talk, why are you so lax about the most important year of your life? This is a chance to end birth and death and all future suffering. This is the chance to learn wisdom and how to use it from the universe’s most accomplished meditation teacher. You can learn everything you’ve ever wanted to know. All you need to do now is know that you really want it. Don’t let it slip. Don’t fall into your easy, lazy, watery slough this time. Do your best, please--I can only beg in my own voice to myself--please don’t blow it. Wake up and be clear about what time it is. Use your efforts as you are taught at every point. Just get into it, dig it, do it, grow up, take charge of your life, take responsibility for the gift and for the life your teacher has offered you. This is no other work.
To the City of the Buddhas We are Bound (to the tune of: Can’t Help but Wonder Where I’m Bound)
It’s a long and dusty road, it’s a hot and heavy load and the folks that I meet aren’t always kind. They aren’t bad and they aren’t good they just do the best they could. Some have tried to ease our troubled minds.
CHORUS.
To the City of the Buddhas we are bowing, bowing down. To the City of the Buddhas we are bound.
Had a life and it was fine, lots of friends and fancy wine and I spent my blessings ‘til I went insane. But I was too blind to see they were all afflicting me. God times are just another kind of pain.
CHORUS.
There’s a good and wise advisor who will lead you to the Way, In the Golden Mountain by the Frisco Bay. And some days when the bowing’s true his light comes shining through, His kindness isn’t easy to repay.
CHORUS.
If you see us bowing by don’t just sit and wonder why wishing you could be a Buddhist too. You can do what’s hard to do, drop what’s false and find what’s true, the Buddha-nature dwells inside you.
CHORUS.