Bowing Journals | Top | << Back | Next >> | End
June 10
Dear Shih Fu,
We are parked in Will Rogers Beach, with the Pacific waving on the left and the metal river of Highway 1 flowing on the right. As we bow we make out own rhythmic waves, and this mountains come down to the shore in a graceful, waving motion, as if they, too, are bowing in the Dharma-body of Vairocana.
The chance to cultivate the Buddha's Middle Way on a journey like Three Steps, One Bow is truly wonderful. One might hope for such a chance and not find it. I have written in the log about making the most of this chance and I will send it 9a long essay) when the book is filled. Briefly, it says that to cultivate the Way successfully one cannot be casual or part-time or anything less than totally, completely, sincere all the time. You can't pretend, or fake it, or take vacations. You have got to really want to make the total control of body, mouth, and mind natural, genuine way of life that comes from the core/nature. Nothing else will do then forget it the next time is not the Buddha's Way. In order to be truly worthy of your teaching, Shih Fu, in order to be truly worthy vessels of the Dharma, our cultivation has got to be right on, all the time. For me this means that when bowing sites or hopes or wishes. And then when the bowing is done, to act selflessly, to seek nothing, to have no selfish thoughts and to move only in accord with principle, so that every situation reflects the training and the consciousness of a cultivator at Gold Mountain. Our attitude out here on the road is that we are at Gold Mountain, not different.
That is the ideal and it is easy to say and hard to do; and it will take a total transformation of my nature to make it real. Nothing else will suffice. And going slowly as we are, there may be just enough time to crack the "black lacquer barrel." Not a minute too long, and this fact makes me really ashamed. The daily bowing lets me see that I have enough greed, hatred, and stupidity for any three people. And that means I've got to work three times as hard to change; but if I'm going to be of any use to the Triple Jewel, that's where the work is at.
Disciple Heng Sure
bows in respect.
False Thinking Hurts
Bowing along the Pacific Coast Highway this morning (June 7), I started to false-thing about a letter I needed to write. Suddenly there was this sharp pain in my head - like an electric nail being driven in. Immediately, I started reciting again and the pain vanished within thirty seconds.
This happened once at Gold Mountain in front of Kuan Yin altar. The pain was like a bolt and almost knocked me down. As I started to recite, it subsided.
It seems when it is quietest outside, it is deafening inside. Bowing along this serene, foggy, misted, coastal park, you would think concentrating would come easy. Bit for some reason, my mad mind churned at a high rpm: trying to remember make of old friends, favorite foods, past travels, my family. Some were "good" false thoughts and some were "bad". It didn't seem to matter. The point was, breaking and crashing on the beach below. Constant motion: the ocean and my mind. To actually stop the "mad mind," I can't imagine. "Patience, patience, for to have patience."
It's at this point I can feel it wanting to shoot out. My energy and tension builds up and if I don't bay close attention, anger pops out, or my eyes start attaching to sights, my ears notice and dwell on sounds, I feel irritable and impatient - the "fire goes up", and if I'm sloppy, more bad karma is set in motion. In some ways to ghetto gangs and hostile construction crews are easier to bow through than a peaceful park. Outside danger forces total inner concentration: outside pleasant, then inside is free to lazily drift and scatter.
Disciple Heng T'ing
bows in respect.