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Wednesday, June 27, 1979
Jenner, California
Dear Shih Fu,
PART I
Everybody likes to hear about themselves. Who doesn't want to know who they are and where they came from, where they are going and the deeper reasons behind what they do? Even the most skeptical could sit for hours and listen enthralled to their own horoscope, palm or tarot card reading. The I Ching and geomancy, psychic readings and the Ouija board, and all the other occult forms of divination prosper because everyone knows there's more to life than the visible and tangible; there is more to each person than molecules, food, clothes, and sleep.
Last night we came to the section on the Ten Good Deeds in the "Ten Grounds Chapter" of the Avatamsaka Sutra. Ah, how wonderful! As Heng Sure translated I sat absorbed. I could have listened all night. It details the retribution one undergoes for committing each of the Ten Evil Deeds. This is the real thing! Unlike fortune telling, which is laced with half-wisdom and a lot of flattery, the Avatamsaka transcends the small and narrow and rises like the sun above all the worldly dust. Not only divination, but even the psychological sciences aren't very explicit on how to change your fate or personality. It's all touch and go, trial and error. The Buddhadharma is clear and complete. It covers all the paths of rebirth and how to get out. The Sutra simply says that everything that happens to you comes from what you do. Good deeds bring good retribution, evil deeds bring suffering and obstacles. It's not off by a hair and has nothing to do with anyone else but yourself. Heng Sure and I got hit right between the eyes as we read the Avatamsaka Sutra. It's over three thousand years old, and yet it spoke right to our hearts as we sat in an old car on the California coast in the Space Age! I read this passage and understood the core of my personality. What was once unclear now became clear. What I couldn't see about myself before was exposed, like ripping off an old band-aid.
The offense of greed also causes one
to fall into the realms of the hells,
animals, and hungry ghosts. If born
as a human, one obtains two kinds of
retribution: the first is one's heart
is never satisfied; the second is, having
much desire without ever getting enough.
Avatamsaka Sutra
Ten Grounds Chapter
"Hey! That's me!" I thought. I've had all the fortune telling and readings and thought I understood myself. But last night, the Avatamsaka Sutra opened my eyes and heart like nothing I had ever experienced before. It was clear and straightforward. Without frills or mystery, the message was the "sound of a hammer hitting steel". I knew beyond a doubt that what the Flower Adornment Sutra said was truth within truth. It deserves to be called "the ultimate understanding of the mind and all its states." It's the highest teaching and deepest wisdom of all living beings.
It wasn't a bummer or an ego-trip to hear who I really was. The Buddhadharma isn't like that. The truth is revealed without emotion and no punches held. The Sutras were spoken only to help all living beings end suffering and attain bliss. It was just like having a candid and kind doctor tell you right out exactly what sickness you have and what you need to do to get well.
I have never known sufficiency. "My" mind is never satisfied. Contentment was always around the corner--in the next job, the next town, the next year, but never right now in my own heart. No matter what it was--friends, education, food, even exploring my own body and mind--I had to have more, always more. I "gave up the near and went seeking for the far." I never knew when to stop or how to say, "enough". Too much is the same as too little.
PART II
A few weeks ago, the Venerable Abbot and a group of disciples stopped to share a meal offering. As we sat together under some trees outside of Valley Ford, I was feeling quite content and natural just being quiet. I had nothing to say, no questions to ask. Happy, seeking nothing. My good and wise advisor within said, "Okay, novice, you've had enough to eat. Remember, originally you have all you need inside. You don't need to seek outside after anything. All troubles, afflictions, and disasters come from seeking and desiring more. When you stop seeking, all worries vanish." Sufficiency.
But, then my bad knowing advisor counseled, "Hey, all this good food. A couple of more bites won't hurt. You can burn it up bowing. Take a little more of this and a little more of that, quick! before the meal's over!" So I did. Then, suddenly the emperor inside said, "Look at this. All these people and juicy conditions. You have not said a word. Now everyone's leaving. Let's climb on it, fast." And once again, I couldn't resist. I opened my mouth and asked the Master a stupid question just to make my mark. I made my mark and immediately lost my light--"psst" just like a flat tire.
The mind of greed is like a
bottomless pit.
Add some more, but it's hard
to fill, and soon anger appears.
The five desires in confusion
turn thoughts upside down,
And ignorant and unaware,
the Dharma-vessel topples.
-- Master Hua
The Master's reply was swift and direct, "Eat more, cultivate more, stoke the fires more. Go on like this forever. More, always more. Everything should be more." The Master voiced the worldly "sutra" that I've been reciting in my mind all my life. Because I was never content with what I had in the past, I am now undergoing the retribution of "having much desire without ever getting enough." Buddhism is not a head trip. The things the Sutras talk about contain the secrets to our own minds and the universe.
In a way, the whole pilgrimage is an effort to reduce our "greed for the flavors of desire." All disasters come from desire. Each inch of greed we are able to cut back brings that much understanding inside and an equal amount of peace in the world. All the troubles we have encountered stem from seeking. All the problems in the world --wars, famine, disasters, and calamities, families falling apart and individuals feeling lost and alienated --none don't begin with a single thought of greed and seeking more. This passage from the Flower Adornment Sutra has become the primary theme of the bowing. We take it like good medicine to cure our illness of greed.
I do not seek the unsurpassed path for myself,
nor do I cultivate Bodhi practices to seek the
states of the five desires or the many kinds of
bliss in the three realms of existence. Why?
Of all the happiness in the world, there is none
which is not suffering, or which is not the realm
of many demons; which is not what ignorant people
are greedy for and which the Buddhas have not
warned us about. All disasters that arise are
caused by these (the five desires).
The hells, animals, and hungry ghosts, King
Yama's region of animosity, hatred, conflict,
slander, insult-all of these evils are caused
by greed and attachment to the five desires.
The Bodhisattva contemplates the world in this
way and reduces his greed for the flavors of
desire.
Avatamsaka Sutra
Ten Transferences Chapter
We have just crossed a small bridge entering Sonoma County. Ahead is 125 miles of bowing and a chance to "reduce our greed for the flavors of desire." Who is this who's so greedy? Even though we don't watch television or listen to the news or read the newspapers, we still can feel the tension, wars, and disasters growing in the world. The whole world is contained within our self-nature. We know that now is the time to turn around, put it all down, and bow to the City of Ten Thousand Buddhas with a single heart. Peace in the Way,
Disciple Kuo T'ing
(Heng Ch'au)
bows in respect