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April, 1979
Near Pt. Reyes National Seashore
Dear Shih Fu,
He leads all living beings through the
wilderness of birth and death with its
places of danger until they safely ar-
rive at the City of Sarvajna. He and
all living beings do not experience
disasters. Therefore, the Bodhisattva
should never be lax. -- Avatamsaka Sutra
Every day, I eat, sleep, and wear clothes. I'm not the least bit lax about this. Why do I eat, sleep and wear clothes? So I can cultivate, not so I can eat, sleep and wear clothes again tomorrow. The focus of my effort and thoughts should be cultivation. I should be vigorous and hurry up, cross myself over so I can lead others "through the wilderness of birth and death,".
Last night, I thought to myself, "Here you are in the middle of the ultimate path and you still drag your heels and cheat. All your instructions are pearls, hard to meet with in a million kalpas, and you don't truly cherish them. Cross over and truly realize your heart's resolve to end suffering for all beings. Don't be lax! Start with the bowing and meditation," I told myself.
"Don't do any false thinking. Whatever you feel you can't put down, put it down the hardest. Purify the mind, this mind. It's all within your own mind, not outside. The absence of false thoughts and defiling attachments is enlightenment. Concentrate to the extreme while walking, standing, sitting and lying down. Single-minded concentration crosses allover to the other shore," instructed the Good Knowing Advisor within. Simple instructions often hold the deepest truth.
Last night, during meditation, I was struggling with the pain and nervous-ninny mind that wants to always quit and do something else. Out of the blue, this verse from the Avatamsaka Sutra appeared:
His mind does not falsely grasp at
dharmas which have passed by.
Nor does he greedily attach to
things which have not yet come.
He does not dwell any place in the
present.
He understands the three periods of
time are completely empty and still.
All my false thoughts are rooted in the three periods of time. With a single mind, there is no time and there is no not-time. There's just nothing at all. Everything is "completely empty and " still." "In bowing and meditation, from now on, you should look at it this way. Just be with 'no mind'. Don't worry or get nervous. Don't get all hung up. Let all your doubts and false thoughts go," I exhorted myself. What about attachments? I think about things I like and things I fear, things I want and things I don't want. Things, things, all these things. Things I long for from the past, things I hold on to in the present. Things that are coming in the future. "How are you going to get free of all these things that tie up your mind?" I thought. Then, just like before, the Avatamsaka appeared from empty space in my mind, with a passage we had just translated.
If the Bodhisattva is able to not be
attached to all dharmas, then he is also
not liberated from all dharmas. Why?
There is not the slightest dharma which
exists, whether presently produced,
already produced, or about to be pro-
duced. There is not the slightest dharma
which can be grasped. There are no
dharmas which can be attached to. The
true appearance of all dharmas is this
way; it has no self-nature.
Bang! How could it be more clear? Within these two passages is all I need to quiet my worried, rambling mind. I have no more excuses to go on like I have in the past: cultivating some, false thinking some; cultivating some, attaching some.
Somehow, last night, a door was opened in my mind by the Avatamsaka. Its wisdom gave me the boost needed to get on with being "right on." Only the practice of uninterrupted "pure mind, continue, continue" remains. If I don't finally put to rest all my doubts and mind's stupid clatter, then who will do it? There's no place outside on which to rely, there's no place inside to hide. I know now clearly that my false thoughts are not okay, my attachments are not the real thing. Almost two years and only now am I truly ready to start bowing with a single mind to the City of Ten Thousand Buddhas. It's spring. The whole world is speaking the Dharma. The Avatamsaka is everywhere and everything keeps saying, "It's all made from the mind alone. It's all made from mind."
Grateful and happy in the way.
Disciple Kuo T'ing
(Heng Ch'au)
bows in respect