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cultivators who ate good food can obstruct their Way-karma from too much fuel. I didn't believe it then, but now I know it's really true."
Shih Fu: "you're only kids. Of course you didn't believe," answered the Master.
"Well, never again will I not believe and I will always follow instructions," I thought myself.
The Master said, "Holding that extra essence and being patient when it wants to run out--just that is cultivation. Otherwise...(here the Master pantomimed like a nervous, puffed-up balloon that sees something attractive and instantly deflates.) You get turned by what you see and suddenly you deflate. Then there's no more problem, no more pressure. If you can not deflate, that's cultivation. It's right 'here.'"
The very next day, the pressure inside was fierce and pulsing. We took a break to meditate. I grabbed the wash basin to clean up. When I turned around from the door there was a pretty woman standing right in front of me, smiling and staring, blocking my way. "Hi, what are you ding?" she asked softly. I caught her eyes and lost mindfulness for a split second. Just like the full balloon..."suddenly there is no more problem, no pressure." Try again, and this time follow instructions.
He vows that all living beings con-
stantly meet good wise advisors, concentrate
on, carry out, and not oppose their instruc-
tions.
Avatamsaka Sutra
I couldn't believe it! How could I be so slow and stupid?
Even when I get
such a remarkable teaching the day before, I can't
"concentrate and carry
out" the teaching. The Master's timely instructions and
true words go in
one ear and out the other and each time I take a fall.
"I can stand on my own" wasn't an assertion of true strength. It came from the false mind. I wasn't from self-control, but rather from a self that didn't want to be controlled. My independence was premature and unnatural--an act of ego rebellion, not true liberation. I was just attaching to a state and being turned by a false thought. The ego resists dying in ways that are hard to believe and see through. Right here is the importance of a Good and Wise Advisor: no matter what age you are in years, your wisdom age is a child's. It's said one can't trust one's thoughts until the forth stage of Arhatship...how much the less as a first stage novice?! As soon as you think you've got something, you're ripe for a loss. Hard to ascend, easy to fall. A good guide makes all the difference.
Disciple Kuo T'ing
bows in respect