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January 3, 1979
Below Half Moon Bay
Venerable Master,
He vows that all beings get pure Ch'an gates.
-- Avatamsaka Sutra
Patient Ch'an meditators know that when pain in the knees and ankles, legs and back occur after long hours of sitting, one reaches a point when the pain suddenly disappears. It's as if a gate opens and one passes through to another world, free of affliction. It's a wonderful experience.
On the way through the gate, however, it takes determination and patience not to be moved by the discomfort.
What others cannot endure, you
must endure. While sitting in
Ch'an everyone must go through the
experience of leg pain. We all
must pass through the stage of tak-
ing what others cannot take. And
when we reach the point of bearing
the pain that others cannot bear,
then we can get good news. This
is called "getting through the
gate that is difficult to enter,"
and "breaking through the diffi-
cult barrier."
Mater Hua
Ch'an instruction
December 1977
In our station wagon I sit in the well where the back seat folds down. Heng Ch'au has to crawl over to reach his seat in the back. Our meditation schedules are different and one evening he was returning from standing meditation just as I was reaching the point of extreme pain in the knees during Ch'an. I was really sweating. My body hurt a lot, but I was determined to take it. The happiness on the other side of the gate is quite fine.
Now we are in the Ch'an Hall
and why don't we have any samadhi
power? You hurt a little and can't
take it... even to the point that
in being unable to take it, you
want to cry... you haven't broken
through the barrier of pain. Now,
we want to break through it. We
break through these barriers and
we can be at ease with the pain...
Listen and Think
pages 115-116
I was at the point of extreme pain and because of my normal impatience I was debating whether or not I could make it through the gate. The pain had gone on for what seems like aeons. In fact, it was more like half an hour, but I was ready to cry and moan. Had a fly landed on my leg, it would have been too much to take. Every cell was staining to hold on to full lotus.
...pain to the extreme, to the
point that we forget there is our-
selves and others...
Listen and Think
Heng Ch'au has a trick of closing the care door with foot as he climbs on over my seat. He hooks his toes onto the door handle and pulls with his leg. The door swings shut without his having to turn around on the narrow door jamb. It's a nifty move, only this time it didn't work. Heng Ch'au slipped on the ledge and landed with all his weight right smack on my long suffering knee.
Kerzatz! Pain to the extreme! Electric blue and white pain! So much pain that there wasn't any pain any more.
How can there be pain? There is
no pain. No mater what it is you do,
you should do it to the ultimate
point. When you've cultivated to
the extreme, your light is penetrating.
Listen and Think
If I have emitted light, this was surely the time. I must have blazed like a torch for a few seconds. Tears ran down-tears of laughter. My nose watered and I could only laugh. It was such a ridiculous scene and the pain was just huge. Heng Ch'au apologized, he knows this point of pain in meditation, and he felt compassion for my misery. His comment, "Did I put you through the gate?" was right on. He had. As my eyes dried I realized that I was still in full lotus and I was on the site side of the difficult barrier. The pain was gone and my mind was quite still.
There was no Heng Sure and no Heng Ch'au. No Plymouth and no Ch'an meditation. It was really a tranquil state. Cultivating the Forty-two Hands and Eyes in this place of stillness was a brand new experience.
I don't recommend that Ch'an cultivators rely on externals to pass through Ch'an barriers, but sometimes unexpected expedients appear to take us across when our determination to endure the pain is solid and firm.
Disciple Kuo Chen (Heng Sure)
bows in respect