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January 21, 1978
Dear Shih Fu,
San Luis Obispo is now behind us. Morrow Bay is twelve miles ahead and then, nothing but miles and miles of winding coast line to San Francisco. The San Luis passage felt special, rather like a gateless toll-gate. Many big tests of resolve and concentration. We were very aware of the Ch'an Sessions going on at the City of Ten Thousand Buddhas and felt like our work was a highway Ch'an. Ch'an sessions mirror our cultivation. If the daily work has been carelessly done, you find out right away in a meditation intensive. The pressure reveals the cracks and flaws. Instead of a harvest, the session becomes a trip to the repair shop. City-bowing is the same. All the bad habits that we overlook or fail to smelt out appear as we bow in the city. The false and the hidden aspects of our minds suddenly appear in the spotlight. The verse goes:
In the country, smelt it down. Test its temper in the town. Pass or fail we still go on To contemplate the noumenon.
When cultivators truly use effort, tests are constant, both in the country and in the city. As Shih Fu's disciples we know that, "Everything's a test to see what you will do. Mistaking what's before your face, you'll have to smelt anew."
Off by a hair's breadth at the start, D.M. Ch'au missed the mark by a thousand miles in the end and had to resmelt anew.
I faced and failed a similar test. In this case, it was more like being off by a whale's breadth, but the result was the same confusion.
One evening, near Vandenberg Air Force Base, a familiar van swung over and parked ahead. It was the Gold Mountain Chevy van. I didn't have my glasses on, but I'd know that car anywhere. It was at the end of a long day of bowing and my ego was looking for any excuse to leak out. "How wonderful! A surprise visit from our family," I thought. I projected that it was a Bhikshu bringing new Sutras, or food, or maybe a message from Shih Fu. I had the whole greedy scene worked out in my head in no time. "Funny that no one has come out of the van, though; I wonder what they're waiting for? How come Heng Ch'au hasn't walked by me to greet them? Oh well, just finish this day's work and then take your reward. There, the van door's open. Who is it?" I thought. "Howdy fellows, have you accepted Jesus as your personal Savior?" Oh no! A Christian preacher who happens to drive a green Chevy van! Back to the wheel to smelt anew.
The smelting process is just like the daily work in the monastery. Be on time, don't rap, eat just enough and no more, stay mindful of your method, walk the Middle Way at all times, subdue your self at every turn. If the smelting has been patient, vigorous and sincere, when the city streets appear below our knees the intensity and temper of the metal is measured. The strengths pass the test; the weak spots go back to the furnace for another round. Just as in a meditation session, cultivation goes on as usual, only more so with the focus on reciting and sitting, the fruits of daily work roll into the storehouse. The barren trees must be pruned back for the next growing season.
This is an example of an inner dialogue that arises during the smelting. "Have I subdued my desire for fame? How's my concentration as reporters from two local papers click, click, click their cameras for hours? Do I move off my center and start to pose? On to the wheel I go. How about food? Am I still attached to flavor and getting full? Let's test it out. Here come Shramanera Kuo Yu's grandparents, Bill and Pat Irelan, with a tray of hot, home-cooked cornbread. All six organs move at once and the mind is filled with clouds of false thoughts. Back to the foundry. Say, what am I cultivating, anyway, besides greed for hot cornbread? How about sleep? It's 8:30, the Sutra's been recited and I am exhausted in every fibre. My bad habits make me impatient; I'm right on the edge of taking a deep dive into sleep. It's time to meditate, but what's the use? I'll only nod out. Shih Fu! What am I gonna do? I'm at the end of my rope. The deeper I go into my mind, the more muck and garbage I turn up. There's no lotus here; there's just mud. Well, I can't go wrong asking my teacher, even if I'm a hopeless case. His compassion is deeper than my stupidity. Try him again. I'm working to stand on my own feet, but this is a time of need. Here's the Forty-two Sections Sutra; just open it up to see what it says":
Shramanas who study the Way should get a hold on their minds and be vigorous, courageous, and valiant. Not fearing what lies ahead, they should destroy the hordes of demons and obtain the fruits of the Way. Having the strengths of precepts, Samadhi, and wisdom in order to break through and destroy your beginningless habits and your beginningless pretensions, and all your other faults is analogous to destroying the multitudes of demons… Don't turn back halfway. Go forward vigorously and with courage. Only go forward; never retreat. Only advance; never retreat.
Amazing. It's just as if the Master was sitting right here! Then I heard in my inner ear the Master's voice say, "Kuo Chen, you lazy bug. How can you possibly think of sleeping when you haven't done your homework? Do the work just like you wear clothes, just like you eat. Did you skip lunch because you were too tired? No! Well, how can you not meditate? Everyone else is working hard in the Ch'an session, what's your excuse?"
I sat upright, folded my legs into full lotus and sat. My fatigue and my doubts vanished bit-by-bit, like the valley fog before the morning sun. "Pass or fail we still go on to contemplate the noumenon." Who can doubt that drawing near to a wise advisor is 100% of the Way?
MORROW BAY 13 miles MONTEREY 135 miles SAN FRANCISCO 249 miles CITY OF TEN THOUSAND BUDDHAS one single thought