Processing Anger With An Open Heart
Anger is an intense and primal expression of the life force, a burning flame that cannot be ignored. It is the psyche’s alarm system, demanding that attention be given to a limit or boundary of ours that is being invaded, to an injury or pain that is being denied, or to an area of our being that has become unhealthy. The function of anger is similar to the function of a fever. It helps to burn out unwanted, inharmonious elements. Its purpose is to restore balance and well-being.
If the symptoms of a fever are suppressed and ignored, then the illness will remain unchecked. So it is with anger. It is useful to listen for the message it brings and then to use it for growth and wellness.
We need to remember that the anger we feel toward someone else is not an accurate evaluation or judgment of who that person actually is. It is merely our own feelings communicating with us, telling us more about ourselves than about the other person. It is the beginning of greater clarity and discrimination, so that we can live our passion with integrity, develop our inner power, and become capable of acting assertively, rather than aggressively, on behalf of what we cherish.
There should really be two different words-one for "anger-with-the heart-closed" and one for "anger with-the-heart-open." Most anger in our society is "anger-with-the heart-closed." Many of us are in the habit of automatically using our anger vindictively to protect ourselves or to impose our will upon others. We may believe ourselves totally justified in demeaning others’ self-esteem. We may believe that we do this for "their own good." We may even believe that the will we are trying to impose is God’s will. From such unconsciousness have come generations of abuse. From such self-righteousness have come millennia of "holy" wars.
"Anger-with-the-heart-closed" is destructive. But there are times when our anger can be a gift to the other person, when it is not simply our own ego twisting in a knot, and trying to use the other person to undo the strain. Though we may feel great heat and urgency, there need be nothing mean in the way we express ourselves. For when there is no desire to wound or punish or blame, we become able to speak with great clarity and power. We may roar like a lion, but it is a healing roar. We may be challenging, but we are infinitely fair. We may be outraged, but we are respectful. This is "anger-with-the-heart-open" and it has a beauty, a passion, and a clarity that is unmistakable.
SEED QUESTIONS FOR REFLECTION: How can we test if we are fooling ourselves into believing that we are angry "with-the-heart-open" when we may in fact be angry with "with-the-heart-closed?" How do we develop the ability to keep our heart open, even when we are angry? Can you share a personal story that illustrates being angry "with-the-heart-open?"
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26 Past Reflections
On Jan 10, 2018 Bruce Costa wrote :
This is a brilliant transmission, so beautifully written. Thank you!
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On Aug 27, 2014 Ammi wrote :
Righteousness is wrong ! That is a hard one to remember when I need it the most. Specially as a single parent.
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On Dec 28, 2013 Anne wrote :
I like the frame.....open or closed heart.....the scripture also says 'in your anger do not sin' ....I think that's like the open heart anger....can be a righteous anger ........thanks
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On Dec 22, 2013 John wrote :
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On Dec 22, 2013 Isaac wrote :
This is a great assessment of our emotional reaction to Anger. It is a must read for everyone.
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On Jul 13, 2013 Marsha wrote :
As simplistic as it sounds, following the road of the Golden Rule has helped me to know the difference between a closed heart and an open one. In one particular instance I had to deal with my anger when an employee who was responsible for taking care of my dogs, didn't follow my instructions and one of my dog's was killed. I wanted to fire her immediately and say really rough comments. I thought about the Rule. I waited to respond until I was sure I could speak with an open heart and a calm voice. It took some time but I finally sat down and expressed myself the way I would want someone to speak to me; with respect and honesty for both of us.
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On Mar 9, 2013 John wrote :
John
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On Feb 27, 2013 PATRICIA wrote :
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On Feb 20, 2013 Tharanath G wrote :
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On Feb 20, 2013 Pauline wrote :
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On Feb 20, 2013 swara wrote :
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On Feb 19, 2013 Purandar wrote :
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On Feb 19, 2013 Marsha wrote :
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On Feb 19, 2013 Pankaj Shah wrote :
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On Feb 19, 2013 Nancy, a Swan wrote :
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On Feb 19, 2013 Nancy, a Swan wrote :
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On Feb 19, 2013 Rev. Nagi Mato wrote :
A couple of months ago while at work, my boss said something that really "got" me. I said nothing, but was seething. Later, I told him, "Thank you, you showed me what I have to work on in myself. I appreciate that."
You should've seen the look on his face. It was classic!
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On Feb 19, 2013 Viren Shah wrote :
1. Anger is kind of mental suffering, which is optional and one's choice.
2. To become angry on someone, we have to produce anger in ourselves.
3. When one is angry for whatever reason, the burst of negative energy can be chandelled into positive path.
4. Anger gets reduced to the extent, one reconciles with situation, people etc..
5. The fire of anger not only burns oneself but also others. This fire continues even the situation or person has left the scene.
6.When one is angry on oneself, then it is one of worst kind of suffering.
7. Anger starts igniting, depending upon what is the meaning of his life. The greater the meaning of life, there will be lesser or no anger.
Viren Shan - Mumbai
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On Feb 18, 2013 ashish wrote :
http://www.emotionalcompetency.com/anger.htm
which provides a framework for understanding anger and the richness with which it can manifest/exist. I resonate with what J. Krisnhanmurthi says, in order to be free from anger, one must first accept it, so one can understand it and it's patterns. The passage reinforced the value of progressing through our emotion/anger: awareness -> acceptance -> understanding -> freedom
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On Feb 18, 2013 Jan Daddona wrote :
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On Feb 15, 2013 david doane wrote :
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On Feb 15, 2013 Edit Lak wrote :
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On Feb 15, 2013 Conrad P. Pritscher wrote :
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On Feb 15, 2013 Anonymous wrote :
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On Feb 14, 2013 Some one wrote :
Probably, I feel vulnerable in such situations when the other person would not follow values and get angry , want to set things right and end up leaving a bad impression with nothing changing in that moment atleast.
I felt it was being weak to bear with such situations without revolting head-on against them, to let people know, this is not accepted.
Not been very successful with the whole thing though, still not sure what's good way to handle such situations. Trying to be more peaceful within by practicing meditation and silence.
Thanks a lot for bringing this up and providing valuable suggestions.